| | The good vs. Evil ( Story) | |
| | Author | Message |
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Weekays Expert Fantagian
Posts : 2616 Join date : 2011-07-24 Age : 21 Location : rlly
| Subject: The good vs. Evil ( Story) Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:04 am | |
| - Chapter 1 the terrible beggining:
Beep Beep , Ella wakes up Urghh that stupid alarm clock woke me up at night AGAIN! Whispered Ella. When Ella was properly awaken in the middle of the night, She saw a little figure in her room so she climbed out of her bed and kneeled down to see what it was. The figure seemed to be moving and whispering some words, Ella knew what it was saying , Ella thought " It seemed to be saying, Ella you have been chosen, This is how you understand this, Anybody else like your parents wont see or hear me, Later in you life you will be fighting evil, If you lose you will be there slave, if you win every evil soul will be defeated!". HUUUH screamed Ella, What are you she whispered.Im your soul it said.....'
NEW CHAPTERS OUT SOON! Please rate and tell me if i could improve so you can notice improvements in chapter 2 if this is a success im gonna try and get it published if my mother doesnt mind! Lol this may sound silly but if i cant get it publishdd im gonna still make it into a book and give copys too my friends | |
| | | Dog Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1607 Join date : 2012-06-03 Age : 24 Location : I forgot.
| Subject: Re: The good vs. Evil ( Story) Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:27 am | |
| It's a great plot! I'm excited to read more,
I love it! The only critique I have is that there are a few capitalization and punctation errors. I could proofread it, but I would obviously miss a lot of things because I'm only ten and it wouldn't be very productive for me to do it. Maybe you could ask one of the older people on the forum to proofread it for you?
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| | | Weekays Expert Fantagian
Posts : 2616 Join date : 2011-07-24 Age : 21 Location : rlly
| Subject: Re: The good vs. Evil ( Story) Sun Jul 22, 2012 9:58 am | |
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| | | alex Moderator
Posts : 23507 Join date : 2010-08-10 Age : 24 Location : google maps
| Subject: Re: The good vs. Evil ( Story) Sun Jul 22, 2012 12:04 pm | |
| - Weekays wrote:
- Wat is proofread?
Read over it and fix the little mistakes. It's a great start so far. | |
| | | Weekays Expert Fantagian
Posts : 2616 Join date : 2011-07-24 Age : 21 Location : rlly
| Subject: Re: The good vs. Evil ( Story) Sun Jul 22, 2012 12:58 pm | |
| Thanks for telling me and thanks for saying its great owo
P.S im so in love with you avi lol | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The good vs. Evil ( Story) Sun Jul 22, 2012 1:07 pm | |
| - Weekays wrote:
- Chapter 1 the terrible beggining:
Beep Beep BEEP! BEEP! , Ella wakes up woke up. " Urghh URGHH! that stupid alarm clock woke me up at night AGAIN!" Whispered Ella She whispered. When Ella was properly awaken in the middle of the night, She she saw a little figure in her room so she climbed out of her bed and kneeled down to see what it was. The figure seemed to be moving and whispering some words, Ella knew what it was saying , Ella thought " It seemed to be saying, "Ella you have been chosen, This is how you understand this, Anybody else like your parents wont see or hear me . Later in you life you will be fighting evil. If you lose you will be there they're slave. if If you win every evil soul will be defeated!". "HUUUH" screamed Ella, "What are you!?" she whispered."Im your soul" it It said...
I think I corrected all of them. | |
| | | Squirtle Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8791 Join date : 2011-12-04 Age : 21 Location : Somewhere
| Subject: Re: The good vs. Evil ( Story) Sun Jul 22, 2012 1:47 pm | |
| it is awesome but there are some spelling errors | |
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