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 Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games

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Mr.Noah
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PostSubject: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:22 pm

The day of the reaping , me Kristina Snow is 12 times entered into the bowl of sadness and death.I walk towards my small bathtub and enter , I wash my hair and tie it into a simple bun and wear a blue dress I walk outside smelling the desperate full air.My mom wearing a simple yet casual dress rushes to the adults side quickly making conversation with the adults.I roll my eyes thinking she doesn't even care if I die , my dad died in the coal mine and since they she doesn't give two * about what I think.Sometimes , I ask myself do I have anything to live for nowadays ? Effie Trinket walks up to the podium ''Good morning, welcome to 157 annual hunger games'' she says with the scary smile and overly used pink makeup and I roll my eyes once again putting my hands on my hips without a care in the world.My life was filled with stress & anger.''Kristina Snow'' my name was called my heart stopped.I didn't think a young girl would ever get picked for.I hesitantly walked up towards the podium

I wrote this a month ago and didn't bother to post it since I know I am not a good writer.LOL,Enjoy I guess?

I know my punctuation is wrong,I tend to mess it up sometimes but at least its easy to read.


Last edited by Neru Akita on Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:24 pm

Its good, but check your punctuation.
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Mr.Noah
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:25 pm

IA wrote:
Its good, but check your punctuation.

Like I said,I wrote it a month ago I don't care about the punctuation at least you can read what I wrote.
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Lord Voldemort
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:26 pm

Very.. Creative, like in your mind it is. But you should work on adding detail, and punctuation. Don't freak on me.
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:26 pm

Its really nice!~
I wouldn't Nazify it but I don't want to bug you.
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wafflefries
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 8:17 pm

Its pretty good, maybe add more detail.
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SilverBell
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 8:22 pm

... Effie lived 82 years after the 75th HG? It's a good idea, could use some improving and I hope you continue it!
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Mr.Noah
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 8:33 pm

Yea,I know I need to add more details Very Happy Should I make a chapter 2 ?
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SilverBell
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 8:36 pm

Yes more chapters! I am excited to find out how this goes, yay~! You could also word things differently, and maybe give more info on Kristina in chapter 2.
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Usui
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Wed Nov 28, 2012 10:50 pm

It needs more details. Sure you could make a few extra chapter. Just don't make it too similar too the actual Hunger Games story??
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Flynn
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Thu Nov 29, 2012 5:33 am

Akemi Homura wrote:

The day of the reaping , me Kristina Snow is 12 times entered into the bowl of sadness and death.I walk towards my small bathtub and enter , I wash my hair and tie it into a simple bun and wear a blue dress I walk outside smelling the desperate full air.My mom wearing a simple yet casual dress rushes to the adults side quickly making conversation with the adults.I roll my eyes thinking she doesn't even care if I die , my dad died in the coal mine and since they she doesn't give two * about what I think.Sometimes , I ask myself do I have anything to live for nowadays ? Effie Trinket walks up to the podium ''Good morning, welcome to 157 annual hunger games'' she says with the scary smile and overly used pink makeup and I roll my eyes once again putting my hands on my hips without a care in the world.My life was filled with stress & anger.''Kristina Snow'' my name was called my heart stopped.I didn't think a young girl would ever get picked for.I hesitantly walked up towards the podium
I wrote this a month ago and didn't bother to post it since I know I am not a good writer.LOL,Enjoy I guess?

I know my punctuation is wrong,I tend to mess it up sometimes but at least its easy to read.


.Why does call the bathtub the bowl of sadness and death?

.New cause of death, please. It's too similar to Katniss's dad.

.Is Effie even alive? Even Katniss would likely be dead of old age by this point.

Overall, it's okay. Your punctuation and capitalization are off, but I guess I'll cut you some slack on that. It would be cooler if she could be from a district the books don't tell us much about. What's life like in District 3? Just remember when the book is set. If Katniss was 16 at the 74th Hunger games, she would be 98 now. If Effie was in her thirties or forties then, she would be over 100! Please be realistic.
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Mr.Noah
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Thu Nov 29, 2012 6:24 am

Ron Weasley wrote:
Akemi Homura wrote:


The day of the reaping , me Kristina Snow is 12 times entered into the bowl of sadness and death.I walk towards my small bathtub and enter , I wash my hair and tie it into a simple bun and wear a blue dress I walk outside smelling the desperate full air.My mom wearing a simple yet casual dress rushes to the adults side quickly making conversation with the adults.I roll my eyes thinking she doesn't even care if I die , my dad died in the coal mine and since they she doesn't give two * about what I think.Sometimes , I ask myself do I have anything to live for nowadays ? Effie Trinket walks up to the podium ''Good morning, welcome to 157 annual hunger games'' she says with the scary smile and overly used pink makeup and I roll my eyes once again putting my hands on my hips without a care in the world.My life was filled with stress & anger.''Kristina Snow'' my name was called my heart stopped.I didn't think a young girl would ever get picked for.I hesitantly walked up towards the podium
I wrote this a month ago and didn't bother to post it since I know I am not a good writer.LOL,Enjoy I guess?

I know my punctuation is wrong,I tend to mess it up sometimes but at least its easy to read.


.Why does call the bathtub the bowl of sadness and death?

.New cause of death, please. It's too similar to Katniss's dad.

.Is Effie even alive? Even Katniss would likely be dead of old age by this point.

Overall, it's okay. Your punctuation and capitalization are off, but I guess I'll cut you some slack on that. It would be cooler if she could be from a district the books don't tell us much about. What's life like in District 3? Just remember when the book is set. If Katniss was 16 at the 74th Hunger games, she would be 98 now. If Effie was in her thirties or forties then, she would be over 100! Please be realistic.

I wanted to include Effie in this story,Katniss did not exist.
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PostSubject: Re: Kristina Ross 157 Annual Hunger Games   Today at 1:34 pm

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