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 Jumping Off the Edge (Chapter 1 of Cindy's Life)

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dewey
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PostSubject: Jumping Off the Edge (Chapter 1 of Cindy's Life)   Mon Dec 24, 2012 7:09 pm

Chapter 1
Cindy Merello used to be a normal girl. But that all changed one day, the day her mother died... This is the story of that day.
_________________________
Cindy had just got home from school when her mother wasn't there. It was strange because her mom never went anywhere without leaving a note, and Cindy couldn't find a note anywhere. She then passed by the kitchen window and saw her mom walking off into the forest. "Mom!" she called, over and over. But her mother wouldn't listen. She ran off, not even bothering to close the door behind her. "Mom! What are you doing?" Cindy ran infront of her mom, and what she saw made her heart stop. Her mother's eyes weren't their usual kind, soft brown. They were a dark red. "What happened to you?" she screamed. "Why are you ignoring me?" But her mother just walked right past her. Then Cindy also noticed her mom was staring off into the distance, in a very creepy way. She was frightened, and still didnt know what was going on. Finally her mom stopped at the edge of a cliff. "Good bye, Cindy. I'm sorry we never got to meet," her mother said in a voice that was cold as ice, and a scary looking smile spread across her face. That's when she jumped off the edge. Cindy looked down in horror as her mom's blood was splattered below and her body nowhere to be seen, since it was spread everywhere in tiny pieces. She fell to her knees and cried, a million thoughts racing through her mind. Her mother's last words: I'm sorry we never got to meet. What was that all about? And her eyes? Nothing seemed to make sense... Not then, anyways.
_________________________
Should I continue? Rate, critique, etc...


Last edited by Silent Night on Mon Dec 24, 2012 8:05 pm; edited 2 times in total
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aimi
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PostSubject: Re: Jumping Off the Edge (Chapter 1 of Cindy's Life)   Mon Dec 24, 2012 7:11 pm

CONTINUE! I have to say 8/10. I think you jumped to conclusions too quickly. But overall it's really good!
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char
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PostSubject: Re: Jumping Off the Edge (Chapter 1 of Cindy's Life)   Mon Dec 24, 2012 7:12 pm

Scary story...
PROS: The story was full of detail and suspense with lots of dialogue. The mom's personality was vivd.
CONS: The story was too violent. That's all I have.

8/10
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dewey
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PostSubject: Re: Jumping Off the Edge (Chapter 1 of Cindy's Life)   Mon Dec 24, 2012 7:31 pm

Nyan Cat wrote:
Scary story...
PROS: The story was full of detail and suspense with lots of dialogue. The mom's personality was vivd.
CONS: The story was too violent. That's all I have.

8/10
I guess I'm just a scary person.
Thanks for your feedback; I'll keep this in mind next chapter. (if I make one.)
ChristmasPerfume6 wrote:
CONTINUE! I have to say 8/10. I think you jumped to conclusions too quickly. But overall it's really good!
Ok, thanks for posting your opinion! I might continue, if I have some time and some ideas actually enter my brain. xD!
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char
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PostSubject: Re: Jumping Off the Edge (Chapter 1 of Cindy's Life)   Mon Dec 24, 2012 7:36 pm

@silentnight PLEASE CONTINUE! I can't wait to see what happens next.
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PostSubject: Re: Jumping Off the Edge (Chapter 1 of Cindy's Life)   Today at 5:50 am

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