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 The Cold, Hard Truth. (Chapter 2 of Cindy's Life)

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dewey
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Join date : 2012-10-30
Age : 15
Location : probably in my bed tbh

PostSubject: The Cold, Hard Truth. (Chapter 2 of Cindy's Life)   Mon Dec 24, 2012 8:21 pm

Chapter 2
Just a few days after her mother's death, Cindy had began to collect bits and pieces of what really happened. Then after a month passed, that's when she found out the whole story. The Cold, Hard Truth: her mom had been possessed by her daughter, Carly Merello's spirit, and also Cindy's sister who had died when she was just a little girl. This is the story of that day, Carly's death, and why she killed her own mother.

Carly Merello was 12 years old the day she died. She had been bullied at school because she was... "different." She would insist she could communicate with spirits and ghosts because her mother could do it. Everyday at preschool she would sit apart from the other kids, but she knew she wasn't really alone. Carly would always have conversations with spirits, no matter how many strange looks she received from her classmates. She pretended not to care, but inside... it was different. She was really hurt. She didn't have any "living" friends, at all. She would always go home and tell her mother, but her mom never did anything about it. Then, when she got into high school, everything got worse. A LOT worse. The others would start to actually bully her, instead of ignoring her. She still went home and told her mom, but still, her mother just told her it was nothing. But one day, there was a campout in the forest. Everyone in her grade would be there. She didn't want to be left out, so she went. When she got there, everyone turned against her. They chased her around trying to beat her... and then she ended up running off the edge of the cliff. She couldn't see with all the tears in her eyes, so she just kept going. Then it happened, and that was that. But even after her death, no one cared. Not even her mom. So Carly wanted revenge, and now that she was just a spirit, she knew how to get it. She killed her mom the same way she was killed. And that's just the Cold, Hard Truth.
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Rate and critique, etc... Should I continue?
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char
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 6313
Join date : 2012-11-12
Age : 17
Location : New Jersey

PostSubject: Re: The Cold, Hard Truth. (Chapter 2 of Cindy's Life)   Mon Dec 24, 2012 9:42 pm

I.Love.It.

PRO: The story was so creative and original. You improved on jumping to conclusions quickly. The introduction was smooth.

CON: If you like dark stories, this is fine but it was really scary. (Sort of intended for teens?)

I rate a 9/10
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wafflefries
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Posts : 447
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Location : Locations are too mainstream.

PostSubject: Re: The Cold, Hard Truth. (Chapter 2 of Cindy's Life)   Tue Dec 25, 2012 9:12 pm

This is really good! Keep writing i want to read the rest Smile
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Mr.Noah
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Age : 19
Location : New York

PostSubject: Re: The Cold, Hard Truth. (Chapter 2 of Cindy's Life)   Tue Dec 25, 2012 9:59 pm

this is super nice just needs more detail ??
9/10
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PostSubject: Re: The Cold, Hard Truth. (Chapter 2 of Cindy's Life)   Today at 4:52 am

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