Fantage Forum
Welcome to the Fantage Forum.


Fantage Cheats, Secrets, Glitches, Info & Help.
 
HomeFAQSearchMemberlistRegisterLog inUsergroups


Share | 
 

 All Along I Have Believed

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
IM MELODY'S HACKER!!!!
Featured User


Posts : 4132
Join date : 2011-06-01
Location : derp

PostSubject: All Along I Have Believed   Tue Jan 01, 2013 10:39 am

Hi! This is a story I am currrently writing up, please feel free to comment your ideas on how to make it better- etc. Hoping to post a new chapter every couple of days, please keep a watch on how the story goes.

Prologue:
 


Last edited by BeauteSerenite on Tue Jan 01, 2013 8:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Squirtle
Ultimate Fantagian


Posts : 8760
Join date : 2011-12-04
Age : 14
Location : Somewhere

PostSubject: Re: All Along I Have Believed   Tue Jan 01, 2013 10:45 am

It sounds interesting. What happens next?
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://nerurumi.deviantart.com/
char
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 6313
Join date : 2012-11-12
Age : 17
Location : New Jersey

PostSubject: Re: All Along I Have Believed   Tue Jan 01, 2013 11:08 am

It's really detailed with suspense. This is flawless, and I can't wait to find out what happens next! 10/10
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Flynn
Legendary Fantagian


Posts : 12278
Join date : 2012-01-14
Age : 17
Location : The gallows

PostSubject: Re: All Along I Have Believed   Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:32 pm

BeauteSerenite wrote:

Her dress swept across the polished floor. Eyes locked upon the door behind the wooden wardrobe. Fingers sweeping across the handle, she took a breath and flung it open. Hurrying to the back, a wall od bricks met her eyes. She sighed with relief and stepped out of the wardrobe. Suddenly, hearing the sound of fabric tearing, she kerled her head. A part of her dress caught on a nail hanging out on the floor, blowing swiftly with the wind. "You can't get me now", she whispered. Taking one last glance, she left the door behind her for the next victim.


Here's my critique:

. Why is the first sentence in italics?

. What does "kerled" mean? I'm assuming that was a typo.

Other than that, it's really nice. Keep up the good work.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
IM MELODY'S HACKER!!!!
Featured User


Posts : 4132
Join date : 2011-06-01
Location : derp

PostSubject: Re: All Along I Have Believed   Tue Jan 01, 2013 8:38 pm

Ron Weasley wrote:
BeauteSerenite wrote:

Her dress swept across the polished floor. Eyes locked upon the door behind the wooden wardrobe. Fingers sweeping across the handle, she took a breath and flung it open. Hurrying to the back, a wall od bricks met her eyes. She sighed with relief and stepped out of the wardrobe. Suddenly, hearing the sound of fabric tearing, she kerled her head. A part of her dress caught on a nail hanging out on the floor, blowing swiftly with the wind. "You can't get me now", she whispered. Taking one last glance, she left the door behind her for the next victim.


Here's my critique:

. Why is the first sentence in italics?

. What does "kerled" mean? I'm assuming that was a typo.

Other than that, it's really nice. Keep up the good work.

Oops, it was. It was supposed to be jerk.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Daisy
Veteran Fantagian


Posts : 3369
Join date : 2011-12-22
Age : 16
Location : In Hell, With Sebastian..

PostSubject: Re: All Along I Have Believed   Fri Jan 04, 2013 5:19 am

Its really nice. ^^. I'll be waiting for the story~..
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: All Along I Have Believed   Today at 7:27 am

Back to top Go down
 
All Along I Have Believed
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Fantage Forum :: Creations :: Literature-
Jump to: