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 The Necklace {Prologue}

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dewey
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PostSubject: The Necklace {Prologue}   Fri Jan 04, 2013 7:48 pm

This wasn't where she wanted to be.
It wasn't even close.
"Where is the necklace? Tell me NOW!" Waverly backed up against the wall, the chains on her hands clinging loudly. "I don't know!" She screamed, tears forming in her eyes. "I have no idea where the necklace is! Please let me go! Let me go to my family!" The mean old woman turned to Waverly. "You are with your family, child. I'm your mother. You have no other family," she said coldly. "I've taken care of you your whole life and this is how you repay me?" Waverly couldn't breath. She had to choke out the words, "What do you mean?" The old woman looked off into the distance, opening her mouth. She looked as though she was about to speak, but she stopped herself. "Not now." She shook her head and left the room, locking the door behind her as usual. Waverly screamed, the tears in her eyes now running down her face. "I... Just... Want... To... Leave..." she said weakly, sinking down to her knees. Suddenly she heard screaming outside her door. She jumped as Anna opened the door and walked into her room, quietly closing the door behind her. Anna was a girl around 19 years old who worked as a maid for the old woman, though she was nothing like her. Anna was kind and caring. "Did I scare you?" she said with a small smile. Waverly stood up and looked at her. "A little." She couldn't help but smile too. She liked when Anna came to visit her, even though she knew the old woman didn't allow it. "Listen... Waverly. I need to tell you about the necklace." Waverly was shocked, she didn't know what to say. She thought for a moment. "What do you know about it?" She asked finally. "It... it's not a normal necklace..." Anna whispered. Then the door opened and the old woman stepped in the room. "ANNABETH! What did I just tell you?" she yelled. "GET TO YOUR CHORES! I told you not to come up here! I forbid you to talk to the girl!" She shoved Anna out into the hallway and slammed the door. "What she tell you?" the woman asked angrily. "N-Nothing!" Waverly stuttered nervously. "Nothing!" The woman stared at her suspiciously, then spoke. "You know I do not tolerate lying. If this is a lie I will find out and your life will be miserable. Tell me now." My life already IS miserable! How much worse can it get? "I told you already." Waverly replied, barely breathing. The old lady narrowed her eyes, then turned and left, slamming the door behind her.
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How is it? This is the prologue to a new story I'm writing! Please rate/critique!


Last edited by Silent Night on Sat Jan 05, 2013 1:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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char
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Join date : 2012-11-12
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PostSubject: Re: The Necklace {Prologue}   Fri Jan 04, 2013 8:10 pm

You could add more sensory details and images, the prologue is sort of short, but overall it's really fantastic.
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dewey
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Age : 15
Location : probably in my bed tbh

PostSubject: Re: The Necklace {Prologue}   Sat Jan 05, 2013 1:56 pm

Nyan Cat wrote:
You could add more sensory details and images, the prologue is sort of short, but overall it's really fantastic.
Yea, I added onto it after thinking for a while. It was quite short... For the first chapter I'll make sure I add more sensory details and whatnot. u.u
Anyways thanks for your feedback c:
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PostSubject: Re: The Necklace {Prologue}   Today at 11:25 am

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