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 LoVe Chapter 1 - 3 ( not complete )

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Daisy
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Join date : 2011-12-22
Age : 16
Location : In Hell, With Sebastian..

PostSubject: LoVe Chapter 1 - 3 ( not complete )   Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:41 am

Daisy is a young girl who loves talking with her friends. She is a very pretty girl. She has a black long hair and brown eyes. So many girls envy her beauty.

One day a girl named Jane tries to be friends with Daisy, since Daisy is a very kind girl. They eat together, play together and they were best friends already. Daisy never thought ill of Jane. But one day Jane tried to poison Daisy because she is also one of many girls that got jealous of Daisy.

On Valentine's day, Jane gave Daisy some chocolates for the sign of their friendship but Daisy never knew that Jane planned it all. So Daisy accepted the chocolates. After that day Daisy was studying in her room alone because they will have a coming exam.

It was already late and Daisy is so sleepy but then she just remembered something about the chocolates. She remembered what did Jane said, "If you are already sleepy on when you're doing something and you and need to finish it already you could eat this chocolate because this chocolates they can make you not fall asleep." So Daisy ate some chocolates that night.

Daisy continued on studying but just in seconds she noticed that she’s breathing so hard. She wanted to shout for help but her voice was gone so she couldn't do anything. Daisy started to get dizzy and collapsed.

That morning her mom called her but no one is answering so her mom got worried and tried to go to her room. Her mom was so shocked to at what she saw. Daisy’s mom was shouting for her husband and sent Daisy to the hospital immediately but the doctor said. "It’s too late already, The poison is already spread all over her body and she can’t survived anymore."

_________________________________________
Chapter 2

When Daisy woke up she was shocked because she's in a hospital. She is shouting to what happened but no one is answering her. Then she just noticed that her parents were crying outside the room. When she looked down at the bed she just noticed that her body was lying there with closed eyes.

Daisy was crying and crying until she realized she's already a spirit and can't be a human anymore. She ran away from the hospital and started ti to walk anywhere because she still can't accept to what happened to her.

When Daisy was walking she noticed a cute house. She touched the window and it just started to make some noise then she heard a male voice saying, '' Who's there? '' She was very happy because someone noticed her so she touched the window again and heard some footsteps and then she saw a handsome guy that has was the same age as her.

The boy got scared because he saw a girl passed passing through the wall, then Daisy asked '' You can see me? '' then the boy replied, '' of course b-but wh-what are you and where do you come from?" then started a very long conversation.

_______________________________________________________

Chapter 3

Oh, So you have 3rd eye that why you can see me right Benjamin? '' Daisy asked while looking around the house. '' Ummm, Yeah, I have had 3rd eye since I was 6 I started to see some spirits.'' Benjamin replied while staring at Daisy. Then he murmured '' What a pretty spirit she is. ''

They always talk everyday, at school and at home. That's the day when a rumor started that Benjamin is crazy because he talked to himself alone.

They talk and talk. Every time they talk about their past, Daisy feels in love with Benjamin. Day by day Daisy always followed Benjamin.

One day when the parents of Benjamin heard the rumors that he is talking alone, they send Benjamin to a hospital. Dexter agreed to it because he believes that he is not crazy. When they reach the hospital they talked to a doctor to check Benjamin if he's crazy.

'' Your son is not crazy, maybe he is just talking alone because of loneliness. ''The doctor said while patting the back of Benjamin softly. '' That's good doctor, it's a relief that our son is not crazy. '' Benjamin's mom said. Then they went home happily.

Benjamin went upstairs to see Daisy and talked to her. '' See Daisy? I'm not crazy, so it means your real right? '' Benjamin asked while trying to touch Daisy's hands. '' That's good to hear, Benjamin. And remember I'm a spirit so you can't touch me right? '' Daisy replied with a smile.

____________________________
To be continued.


Last edited by Miku on Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:19 am; edited 2 times in total
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Flynn
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Join date : 2012-01-14
Age : 17
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PostSubject: Re: LoVe Chapter 1 - 3 ( not complete )   Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:37 am

Miku wrote:
Daisy is a young girl who loves talking with her friends. She is a very pretty girl. She has a black long hair and brown eyes. So many girls envy her beauty.

One day a girl named Jane tries to be friends with Daisy, since Daisy is a very kind girl. They eat together, play together and they were best friends already. Daisy never thought ill of Jane. But one day Jane tired to poison Daisy because she is also one of many girls that got jealous of Daisy.

On Valentine's day, Jane gave Daisy some chocolates for the sign of their friendship but Daisy never knew that Jane planned it all. So Daisy accepted the chocolates. After that day Daisy was studying in her room alone because they will have a coming exam.

It was already late and Daisy is so sleepy but then she just remembered something about the chocolates. She remembered what did Jane said, "If you are already sleepy on when you're doing something and you and need to finish it already you could eat this chocolate because this chocolates they can make you not fall asleep." So Daisy ate some chocolates that night.

Daisy continued on studying but just in seconds she noticed that she’s breathing so hard. She wanted to shout for help but her voice was gone so she couldn't do anything. Daisy started to get dizzy and collapsed.

That morning her mom called her but no one is answering so her mom got worried and tried to go to her room. Her mom was so shocked to at what she saw. Daisy’s mom was shouting for her husband and sent Daisy to the hospital immediately but the doctor said. "It’s too late already, The poison is already spread all over her body and she can’t survived anymore."

_________________________________________
Chapter 2

When Daisy woke up she was shocked because she's in a hospital. She is shouting to what happened but no one is answering her. Then she just noticed that her parents were crying outside the room. When she looked down at the bed she just noticed that her body was lying there with closed eyes.

Daisy was crying and crying until she realized she's already a spirit and can't be a human anymore. She ran away from the hospital and started ti to walk anywhere because she still can't accept to what happened to her.

When Daisy was walking she noticed a cute house. She touched the window and it just started to make some noise then she heard a male voice saying, '' Who's there? '' She was very happy because someone noticed her so she touched the window again and heard some footsteps and then she saw a handsome guy that has was the same age as her.

The boy got scared because he saw a girl passed passing through the wall, then Daisy asked '' You can see me? '' then the boy replied, '' of course b-but wh-what are you and where do you come from?" then started a very long conversation.

_______________________________________________________

Chapter 3

Oh, So you have 3rd eye that why you can see me right Benjamin? '' Daisy asked while looking around the house. '' Ummm, Yeah, I have had 3rd eye since I was 6 I started to see some spirits.'' Benjamin replied while staring at Daisy. Then he murmured '' What a pretty spirit she is. ''

They always talk everyday, at school and at home. That's the day when a rumor started that Benjamin is crazy because he talked to himself alone.

They talk and talk. Every time they talk about their past, Daisy feels in love with Benjamin. Day by day Daisy always followed Benjamin.

One day when the parents of Benjamin heard the rumors that he is talking alone, they send Benjamin to a hospital. Dexter agreed to it because he believes that he is not crazy. When they reach the hospital they talked to a doctor to check Benjamin if he's crazy.

'' Your son is not crazy, maybe he is just talking alone because of loneliness. ''The doctor said while patting the back of Benjamin softly. '' That's good doctor, it's a relief that our son is not crazy. '' Benjamin's mom said. Then they went home happily.

Benjamin went upstairs to see Daisy and talked to her. '' See Daisy? I'm not crazy, so it means your real right? '' Benjamin asked while trying to touch Daisy's hands. '' That's good to hear, Benjamin. And remember I'm a spirit so you can't touch me right? '' Daisy replied with a smile.

____________________________
To be continued.

I corrected your grammar and punctuation.

I also have a couple problems with the story:

. If Daisy can pass through walls, why did she bother tapping the window?

. Who is "Dexter"?

. I don't know, but if I was Benjamin, a ghost girl randomly coming into my house and following me would freak me the heck out.

Otherwise, good job on your story.
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Daisy
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PostSubject: Re: LoVe Chapter 1 - 3 ( not complete )   Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:29 am

Ron Weasley wrote:


I corrected your grammar and punctuation.

I also have a couple problems with the story:

. If Daisy can pass through walls, why did she bother tapping the window?

. Who is "Dexter"?

. I don't know, but if I was Benjamin, a ghost girl randomly coming into my house and following me would freak me the heck out.

Otherwise, good job on your story.

Well, At first I made a story name Dexter but my classmate change it into Benjamin then I mistakenly type dexter instead of benjamin.

For the tapping window well. I don't know.. I just made that because its my dream.. xD
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PostSubject: Re: LoVe Chapter 1 - 3 ( not complete )   Today at 12:57 am

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