Posts : 75
Join date : 2013-05-25
Age : 13
Location : I travel to many locations daily. My house, School, My Gym, L.A, now, which place are you taking about, animated computer?
|Subject: Swin Tel~ A totally fictional story I'm working on Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:42 am|| |
I just watched Spirited Away again (what's spirited away?! Only the best Japanese film in the world! Wait no....Rosario + Vampire is AWESOME too....wait....no.....nvm...)
I know I'm fuzzy on characters , and it's a little hard to know what's going on...But this is just kind of like intro type.. yea.
She glares around her, her arms around her shoulders. Two signs hang in front of her, the creaking, rusted metal from them eerie in the night. “JOMAINE’S KITCHEN’ Read the left sign, it’s dim lights flashing, some dead black, others bright, and some flashing on and off. On the right the sign read ‘SWIN TEL’, It’s general frame spinning slowly, like to the beat of the metal, the ‘L’ almost to the ground, but just hanging there in the night. She pondered on the one question one must ask if at least once in ones’ life;
Where am I?
Chapter 1-Swin Tel
I wake up, lying on the floor of—What was that? The ground? I tilt my head to the side to reveal piles of weeds scattered about, at least, that’s what it appeared to be in the dim light of the moon. I groan, confused, scared? No. I’m not scared. Am I? No. I get up, and start to walk to a silhouette of a building. But I’m in the middle of nowhere? Maybe my mind is tricking me. Better to find out, though; I see two buildings, one reading ‘JOMAINE’S KITCHEN’ and the other reading ‘SWIN TEL’. Swin…Tel? You mean tell. Right? Swin Tell? Did a ‘l’ fall off? And, swin? Aha, swine. The ‘e’ fell off. But wouldn’t it be ‘flu’ instead of ‘tel’ or, to my research, ‘tell’? I didn’t get it. Swine Tell. Oh! I get it. A place to tell if you have swine? Docters, living, there, waiting for costumers to come and ask if they have Swine? They get their food at Jomaine’s Kitchen. I get it. Wait..What? Wouldn’t that be Swine Teller? Like fortune tellers give you your fortunes, Swine Tellers tell you-- Ugh. My mind was tricking me. Confused, scared, I fall to the ground. Scared. Yes, I’m scared.
“Miss. Miss…? Miss. Wake up.” I hear, but can barely here. Faded to my vision is a bright yellow man with piles of foe hair on top of his head. I make out the letters ‘JOM K’ On this bright yellow figure, and think it’s Jomaine, from Jomaine’s kitchen. About five minutes of Miss’s pass by, dimwitted Jomaine. How silly would one be to repeat saying things for so much time? “Yes…?” I say slowly. “Miss! Um…What are you doing here? How have you come here?” He says, almost shaking…? “Um…I’m not sure. I was headed to Italy but my plane…” I almost finish but see the look on his face, so I sit up and look down. What was wrong? “Excuse me, Mr. Jom—“ I stop myself. What was I doing? Not only to think, I stop; he starts talking. “My name is not Jomaine. It is Lymoi. Humans; I hate them. Obviously, you are not a human. Correctly put?! You couldn’t of gotten in here anyway; if you were a human, that is! So, just follow me into the Swin Tel so you can reunite with your own kind. With a rough hand he pushes me up, almost pushing me into the Swine Tell—Or, he says, Swin Tel? Like it says? But what trips me the most is his saying of me not being a human. Is he insane? Must be retarded. . .
I know this is kind of a cheesy fiction type of thing XD but yea. I have more chapters, I just want to put it out like every other day. enjoy. critique? PLEASE? GIVE ME CRITIQUE. But remember, i'm 9.
Posts : 1319
Join date : 2012-08-25
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Location : My own little corner of the world
|Subject: Re: Swin Tel~ A totally fictional story I'm working on Thu Jun 27, 2013 10:16 pm|| |
I think its good. I'd read it