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 The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]

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Primrose
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PostSubject: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:50 pm

This is a story I came up with, about the 100th Hunger Games. Yes, this will be like the RP I started. I don't mean the characters, I mean the arena and the rules.

---------------

Chapter 1 "The Beginning":
 

Chapter 2 "The Reaping":
 
------------------

That's all I've done so far.


Last edited by Symphony~. on Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:42 pm; edited 3 times in total
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flower
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:53 pm

First of all, I like how you chose past tense and stuck to it. Most writers sometimes switch from present tense to past tense, and It gets a bit confusing. However, there is absolutely nothing provided about what district she's from. The only information you give about the character is that she has red dyed hair that's faded, is turning 19, and that she has a sister. If you didn't say she had a pink dress worn out, we wouldn't know her gender, either. However, It's okay so far and I'm pretty interested.
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:01 pm

Flower wrote:
First of all, I like how you chose past tense and stuck to it. Most writers sometimes switch from present tense to past tense, and It gets a bit confusing. However, there is absolutely nothing provided about what district she's from. The only information you give about the character is that she has red dyed hair that's faded, is turning 19, and that she has a sister. If you didn't say she had a pink dress worn out, we wouldn't know her gender, either. However, It's okay so far and I'm pretty interested.

I am well aware I haven't mentioned that, and it wasn't on purpose. I couldn't find the right spot to fit it in, but it will be very clear once she's reaped.
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SilverBell
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:08 pm

Actually, Flower, she kind of went from past to present. "I woke up...I realized...I slid" etc changed to "I go... I am... I'm expecting" But otherwise, I can't wait for more!
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flower
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:09 pm

Otsukimi Recital wrote:
Actually, Flower, she kind of went from past to present. "I woke up...I realized...I slid" etc changed to "I go... I am... I'm expecting" But otherwise, I can't wait for more!


Yes, but I've seen authors do that in several books, so it seems as if it's somewhat allowed in some cases.
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aimi
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:10 pm

Interesting. I like how you described the surrounds while grabbing my attention. Usually, descriptions about scenery usually makes me fall asleep, but you made me interested. Please write more!
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flower
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:15 pm

^ This.

I've literally read books that have five pages just DESCRIBING the main protagonist's surroundings.
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:19 pm

@Everybody:

Well, thank you guys so much for being supportive! I'm writing the continuation right now.
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:00 pm

Sorry about double-posting. I think this is allowed? Please don't give me an infraction if it's not.

--------------------------

I finished the first chapter. I think its a bit too long? You may critique and rate it out of 10.
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Squirtle
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:22 pm

I like how much detail it has, it gives me a perfect visual of what the characters are doing, the setting, etc. 9/10, good job!
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:05 pm

Yuzuki Yukari wrote:
I like how much detail it has, it gives me a perfect visual of what the characters are doing, the setting, etc. 9/10, good job!

Thank you very much! Anybody else wants to give their opinion or some kind of critique?
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flower
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:08 pm

REALLY good and detailed, but you switched from past-tense to present-tense a few quick times.
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Flynn
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:46 pm

You have a good writing style. It's very interesting. However, unless your character is from a district like 1, 2 or 4 she is unlikely to have access to luxuries like makeup and hair dye. Those are almost exclusively for the Capitol.
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:58 pm

Jeff wrote:
You have a good writing style. It's very interesting. However, unless your character is from a district like 1, 2 or 4 she is unlikely to have access to luxuries like makeup and hair dye. Those are almost exclusively for the Capitol.

I am not very sure about what district she should be from, I want it to be a wealthy district but I do not want her to be a career. I'll figure something out.
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Flynn
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Tue Jul 02, 2013 7:15 am

Symphony~. wrote:
Jeff wrote:
You have a good writing style. It's very interesting. However, unless your character is from a district like 1, 2 or 4 she is unlikely to have access to luxuries like makeup and hair dye. Those are almost exclusively for the Capitol.

I am not very sure about what district she should be from, I want it to be a wealthy district but I do not want her to be a career. I'll figure something out.

 Just because your character is from a career district doesn't necessarily mean her strategy is to join the pack. In the 74th Hunger Games, the boy from District 4 was
Don't click if you haven't read the hunger games:
 
which probably means he either didn't want to join up with the others or the others wouldn't let him in.

What I mean is, districts don't really matter much in terms of strategy. The careers just have a higher chance of winning due to their advantage in physical strength, and I'm assuming that you created this fanfic with the intent of your character winning. In the case that you didn't, Bravo! I've always wanted to see an HG fanfic where the author was willing to let their character die.
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Tue Jul 02, 2013 5:28 pm

Jeff wrote:
Symphony~. wrote:
Jeff wrote:
You have a good writing style. It's very interesting. However, unless your character is from a district like 1, 2 or 4 she is unlikely to have access to luxuries like makeup and hair dye. Those are almost exclusively for the Capitol.

I am not very sure about what district she should be from, I want it to be a wealthy district but I do not want her to be a career. I'll figure something out.

 Just because your character is from a career district doesn't necessarily mean her strategy is to join the pack. In the 74th Hunger Games, the boy from District 4 was
Don't click if you haven't read the hunger games:
 
which probably means he either didn't want to join up with the others or the others wouldn't let him in.

What I mean is, districts don't really matter much in terms of strategy. The careers just have a higher chance of winning due to their advantage in physical strength, and I'm assuming that you created this fanfic with the intent of your character winning. In the case that you didn't, Bravo! I've always wanted to see an HG fanfic where the author was willing to let their character die.

I hope to include the feeling like in the real book. I want it to be adventurous and thrilling, yet tragic in a few ways. It would be a very radical decision to let my character go. I might though, but I want to get the emotional part from other sources (characters)

Wow, there should really be a HG discussion topic.
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:43 pm

!UPDATE! I finished and edited Chapter 1 and added Chapter 2!
I'll make an announcement every time I make a change.
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PostSubject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]]   Today at 5:15 am

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