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 Breakthrough ( my first story )

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Colorora
Senior Fantagian


Posts : 425
Join date : 2012-12-20
Age : 12
Location : the land of not telling you

PostSubject: Breakthrough ( my first story )   Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:29 pm

Some information :
 

Some information about the main character:
 

Chapter 1 Xana was frightened, this was one if the hardest shows she had ever done, her mom wasn't there to comfort her and there were thousands of people out there and she just couldn't handle it. As she swam out into the biggest arena she had ever seen and started to do so many backflips she got dizzy. She continued her routine until she got to the finale, she tried, she really did try to do the move but she just couldn't bring her self to do it as she disappeared into the curtains to cry she saw what was amazing, but petrified her something she just couldn't bring herself to belief even when it was standing right in front of her, a human.
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Lord Voldemort
Veteran Fantagian


Posts : 4705
Join date : 2012-08-28
Age : 17
Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.

PostSubject: Re: Breakthrough ( my first story )   Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:47 pm

This is interesting, just a bit more explaining would be better. Don't hop from one thing to another, take some time to create a scene and give the reader some information and a mood before telling the full story.
Example:
 

If you try to let the reader feel what the character is feeling, and give them a little backstory so they can relate, then it will cause a bigger impact. Sorry if I couldn't deliver though, I'm not that great with story writing.
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Colorora
Senior Fantagian


Posts : 425
Join date : 2012-12-20
Age : 12
Location : the land of not telling you

PostSubject: Re: Breakthrough ( my first story )   Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:30 pm

Thanks I will take this advice into account!
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PostSubject: Re: Breakthrough ( my first story )   Today at 3:11 am

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