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 Lick my bootyhole

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PostSubject: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 10:06 am

do it


Last edited by Anna on Sun Oct 19, 2014 3:24 pm; edited 3 times in total
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o
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:05 pm

no no no it's good! i like fantasy stories, so i'm interested to read more.
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:13 pm

o wrote:
no no no it's good! i like fantasy stories, so i'm interested to read more.
ahh thank you /)_(\. i just like to write for fun idk if im even that good
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:19 pm

Wow this is pretty good, with some tweaking this could really work. I wanna read more
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:23 pm

i think maybe i should describe settings more??? i just dont like to sometimes. bc. idk? but i think with some help i can make it fit in some places
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:27 pm

woah this is really good! i just sorta feel like it was rushed a little bit but the rest is amazing and you should really write more!
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:34 pm

Ryoko wrote:
woah this is really good! i just sorta feel like it was rushed a little bit but the rest is amazing and you should really write more!
i agree! ill make sure ill put something in between to slow it down a bit!
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:30 pm

maybe to make your writing more interesting (and this can apply to writing in general, not just this piece specifically), try using some more powerful words and descriptive verbs. like, instead of saying "she grabbed the blade quickly", you would say "she snatched the blade up swiftly". just small adjustments like that can make your writing a lot more descriptive, without you having to write five extra paragraphs. you're still a really good writer, nonetheless!
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:34 pm

o wrote:
maybe to make your writing more interesting (and this can apply to writing in general, not just this piece specifically), try using some more powerful words and descriptive verbs. like, instead of saying "she grabbed the blade quickly", you would say "she snatched the blade up swiftly". just small adjustments like that can make your writing a lot more descriptive, without you having to write five extra paragraphs. you're still a really good writer, nonetheless!
thanks! im proofreading it right now and editing the verbs and such. ill use your tips!
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:56 pm

^ you're welcome! i use stationary verbs a lot in my writing, so when my teacher suggested to change my verbs, it really helped!
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:57 pm

Better than anything I could write. You used big words and I like the plot so bravo to you.
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Fri Nov 01, 2013 8:00 pm

@o: im trying to vary my sentence types a little more too. as in simple, compound, etc.

@infinite: thank you! that makes me feel awesome /)_(\
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PostSubject: Re: Lick my bootyhole   Today at 7:34 am

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