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 Supernatural-Story by Cookie~

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Officer Number Two
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PostSubject: Supernatural-Story by Cookie~   Mon Feb 03, 2014 4:52 pm

Read, rate and critique, please. I've had this idea for a long time and yeah...it was hard to start. I finally did it though >.>

Prologue:
 

Yeah not the best writing I'm like my dog with thumbs. lol
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: Supernatural-Story by Cookie~   Mon Feb 03, 2014 5:13 pm

Cookie~ wrote:
Read, rate and critique, please. I've had this idea for a long time and yeah...it was hard to start. I finally did it though >.>

Prologue:
 

Yeah not the best writing I'm like my dog with thumbs. lol

It's really good, Cookie!
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YEEZUS
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PostSubject: Re: Supernatural-Story by Cookie~   Tue Feb 04, 2014 9:42 am

it's like 500x better than anything i could write at your age ok

i only really have two things to say which are that you only mention one teenager showing up to taunt the girl, but then at the end you say there are two bodies of the two teenagers that were taunting the girl??? i have a feeling that's a mistake but yeah.
the second thing is that you don't have to describe what the characters are wearing. you can, but the only stories i can think of are usually ones where the clothing choices of a particular character hold relevance to the story. for example, in american psycho, bret easton ellis does often write descriptions of what his characters are wearing, but that's because it's supposed to showcase the way in which the narrator (patrick bateman) thinks as he is the product of an extremely consumerist, materialistic, shallow yuppie culture society, which is the major point of the novel, and the main source of it's satirical qualities.
other than that, you did a really good job (esp for an eleven year old)!
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PostSubject: Re: Supernatural-Story by Cookie~   Tue Feb 04, 2014 3:22 pm

@Prim Very Happy Thanks

@Anna's Banana Thanks for the advice Very Happy I did mention the friend when the teen threw the bear to him, but I probably wasn't clear. I get the thing with clothing, it had no value in the story c:
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Yuno
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PostSubject: Re: Supernatural-Story by Cookie~   Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:59 am

dude you just
rock
when i was 11 i was just writing things like
Once upon a time, there was a bear. It ate fish.
THE END
im serious
if you keep this up itll be
very good for you
and thats coming from me
who doesnt know how to praise anyone
.
.
good job XD
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PostSubject: Re: Supernatural-Story by Cookie~   Sat Feb 08, 2014 8:13 am

Hello again~

Thank you for the comments, they were very helpful. Very Happy

I continued it...

”CHAPTER 1”:
 
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PostSubject: Re: Supernatural-Story by Cookie~   Today at 2:20 pm

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