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 ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within

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Sharpsul99
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PostSubject: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:40 pm

~SHARP THE FANTAGIAN 3~
THE PAIN WITHIN

Latest Chapters:

Chapter 1: New Strength
Chapter 2: Power of the Scroll
---------------------------------

Chapter 1: New Strength

"Chuko, did you see that? I totally DESTROYED that tree!" I shouted, cheering and jumping about.

"Yeah Sharpie-Boy, so amazing that you made Orion make me PAY UP FOR DESTROYING THE WIZARD'S HUT!" Chuko screamed, on a pouting mood.

"Who cares? I totally got stronger! If I can improving my All Bend Creation, I can destroy better things, like-"

"Towers? Because that's more money out of my wallet!" Chuko sarcastically said.

What an old chatter box.

"Whatever! I think you're just JEALOUS!" I shouted at him. I know he gets all worked up whenever someone tells him he's jealous of someone, or SOMETHING.

"Jealous? I trained you to get your attacks stronger!" Chuko screamed.

Next thing you know, we're yelling at each other over how strong attacks are and jealously and vandalism and so much more. Then Ma came in to break us apart.

"BOYS! Stop it! You're acting like CHILDREN!" Ma screamed in her best old women voice.

"Sharpie-Boy's the child! Ha! Jealousy, in your dreams!" Chuko yelled, continuing to hop.

"Whatever, geezer!" I yelled back at Chuko. I think I had enough of his problems today.



"Fine, you go do that!" Chuko yelled at me, once again.

"I WILL!" I yelled back, walking fast until I got to the Star Cafe.


Star Cafe:

"Hey Sharp! Welcome back! What would you like?"

"The usual. Turkey, ham, and cheese sandwich with coffee." I said, leaning on the counter.

"You look depressed, what's wrong?" the owner of the cafe asked me.

"Nothing, just Chuko's all-abouts." I said, with a sigh.

"Don't worry, nothing but a good lunch at the cafe is great after a hard day of work!" the owner happily said.

"Yeah...." I said. I know he's trying to cheer me up, but I'm just not in a happy mood.

I sat down at a table once I got my lunch and coffee, and I started to eat. Then, unexpectedly, Mentholx comes in and slaps a note onto the table I was sitting near.

"Please read this. It's important." Mentholx said. Then he just walks out.

Very mature.

I read the note, it said:



"Well, it was better then nothing.." I said, walking out of the cafe.

The only question I had in mind was.. Why is the meeting at the Carnival?


Last edited by Sharpsul99 on Sat Aug 21, 2010 3:40 pm; edited 7 times in total
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:46 pm

Your characters perfect, has no flaws.
Other than that, pretty good. 9-10.

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Lyli
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:50 pm

7/10

You could add more description, less dialogue, make your chapters longer, and you could use spell check.
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Sharpsul99
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:53 pm

I can't make the chapters too lobg right now, since im on my DS. Could you guys tell me where I made spelling errors.
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Lyli
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Tue Aug 17, 2010 12:54 pm

Sharpsul99 wrote:
I can't make the chapters too lobg right now, since im on my DS. Could you guys tell me where I made spelling errors.

Then don't write on your DS.

Write on word, or whatever you use.
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Nakira
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:13 pm

Seems interesting so far. But you need to give Sharp some flaws, and I'd like to see you use more description. 7/10

(Also, when will your character contest end?)
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Sharpsul99
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:17 pm

Get ready for the Chapter 1 of Sharp The Fantagian3 - The Pain Within TOMORROW!

First 5 Chapters:

Chapter 1: New Strength
Chapter 2: Power of the Scroll
Chapter 3: She's Back...
Chapter 4: Mission On The Road
Chapter 5: On The Move...


Psst..guess what? Sharp The Fantagian 3- The Pain Within holds 70 CHAPTERS!! 70 long action, adventurous, horrored chapters!!

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Lyli
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:20 pm

Cool...

Anyway, when is my character coming back?
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:21 pm

Sharpsul99 wrote:
Get ready for the Chapter 1 of Sharp The Fantagian3 - The Pain Within TOMORROW!

First 5 Chapters:

Chapter 1: New Strength
Chapter 2: Power of the Scroll
Chapter 3: She's Back...
Chapter 4: Mission On The Road
Chapter 5: On The Move...


Psst..guess what? Sharp The Fantagian 3- The Pain Within holds 70 CHAPTERS!! 70 long action, adventurous, horrored chapters!!


olol, your never gonna finish it. XD
Anyways, Im looking forward to this. C:

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Sharpsul99
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:26 pm

Kawaii Maker wrote:
Sharpsul99 wrote:
Get ready for the Chapter 1 of Sharp The Fantagian3 - The Pain Within TOMORROW!

First 5 Chapters:

Chapter 1: New Strength
Chapter 2: Power of the Scroll
Chapter 3: She's Back...
Chapter 4: Mission On The Road
Chapter 5: On The Move...


Psst..guess what? Sharp The Fantagian 3- The Pain Within holds 70 CHAPTERS!! 70 long action, adventurous, horrored chapters!!


olol, your never gonna finish it. XD
Anyways, Im looking forward to this. C:

I will too finish it :O
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coolkat1124
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 1:48 pm

good job 8/10
and what contest nakira? just wondering
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juliajuljulia
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 1:54 pm

great job sharp 8.5 outta 10
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Nakira
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:01 pm

coolkat1124 wrote:
good job 8/10
and what contest nakira? just wondering

There was a character contest for this story. Whoever won got their character in the story.
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Bloobu
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:06 pm

lols best old woman voice XD i cant wait for more Very Happy so u better write soon >Very Happy (i like emotes Very Happy)

10/10 Wink)
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:54 pm

Nice (:

Just a little more description.

Oh, and when do i come in? ;p
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Sharpsul99
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:55 pm

McKenna wrote:
Nice (:

Just a little more description.

Oh, and when do i come in? ;p

Chapter 4.
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:56 pm

I come up in chapter 18.
ololol. >.<

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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 3:03 pm

Sharpsul99 wrote:
McKenna wrote:
Nice (:

Just a little more description.

Oh, and when do i come in? ;p

Chapter 4.

Yee! (:

Can't wait for more ;]
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 3:19 pm

I want moar~!

[maybe because i want me to be in it. xD]

OH DUDE, WHAT CHAPTER DO I COME OUT?!

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Sharpsul99
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 3:21 pm

Chapter 2 of the story and Chapter 8 of Sharp the Fantagian 2 is gonna be written up in a few.
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Lyli
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Sat Aug 21, 2010 5:02 pm

I NEED CHAPTER 2 NAO! x3
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Sharpsul99
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:22 pm

More of #3 comes tomorrow!

Note:

Please stop asking ''When does my character come in?'', because I don't know. I've been makin stuff up because i cant organize the whole story in one day. But to whoever I said will appear in the story, will appear. I promise.
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:30 pm

Can you write it today? LOLOL.

jkjk, take your time.

/waits/

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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:40 pm

Hitsugaya wrote:
Can you write it today? LOLOL.

jkjk, take your time.

/waits/

It's past 10:00 at night o.e
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PostSubject: Re: ~Sharp the Fantagian~ #3- The Pain Within    Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:44 pm

Sharpsul99 wrote:
Hitsugaya wrote:
Can you write it today? LOLOL.

jkjk, take your time.

/waits/

It's past 10:00 at night o.e

It's 7:44 where I'm at. ;P

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