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 Lucky Bob Story! Please Read!

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coolkat1124
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Join date : 2010-07-21
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PostSubject: Lucky Bob Story! Please Read!   Mon Aug 23, 2010 6:01 am

Okay so i wrote this for the contest for fantage
please rate lots of criticism


It was a fine afternoon on the planet of Zorgamatude when Bob realized he really did not enjoy living on this desert planet where he had no friends. Bob was a man of great strength, he had blonde hair, beard, and mustache. He decided to leave his home-planet for good because he didn't know many people and he wasn't happy. So he said goodbye to his parents and acquaintances and took off in the spaceship it took him his whole life to save up for. As Bob was flying through space he saw a medium sized planet full of trees, pets, and people. He decided he would land here. He soon discovered this planet was named Fantage and that all of the people were extremely nice and the pets were fun to play with and it was always fun! great new ideas were being built, like a pet school. Soon enough, Bob was given a shop! He named it Lucky Bobs Training and decorated it with items that reminded him of his home planet. He loved Fantage and decided he would never leave.
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: Lucky Bob Story! Please Read!   Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:52 pm

You sorta copied Julia, I mean, I KNOW the theme is the story of lucky bob, but you copied what like, what happens, (Sorta).

7-10.

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