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 The Storm - A Christmas story

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Lyli
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PostSubject: The Storm - A Christmas story   Sun Dec 05, 2010 3:35 pm

Prologue:
Spoiler:
 

Chapter one: The Storm
Spoiler:
 


Last edited by Lyli on Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:26 pm; edited 7 times in total
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pokeranger
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Sun Dec 05, 2010 4:12 pm

Alright is supposed to be all right. :3 Very descriptive though! ;]
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Nessy
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Sun Dec 05, 2010 6:04 pm

Sounds nice! Im looking forward to it!
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FreedoM 4EVA
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:05 pm

Great.
Looking forward to read more...
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bladerunner22
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:18 pm

Nice! I'm waiting for more! Very Happy
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Lyli
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Mon Dec 06, 2010 2:22 pm

Thanks guys! I'll only be writing on weekends, since I have more time on my hands. The first chapter will come maybe next Monday or Tuesday, depending on how long it'll take me to write the first chapter.
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Trash
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Mon Dec 06, 2010 4:44 pm

Don't even dare start if you won't finish it.
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Lyli
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Mon Dec 06, 2010 4:50 pm

Anaira wrote:
Don't even dare start if you won't finish it.

I will finish it, don't worry.
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Trash
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Mon Dec 06, 2010 4:58 pm

Yay♥
also, this story seems really good, that's why I said that
i'm waiting to read it!
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Lyli
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Mon Dec 06, 2010 6:52 pm

Chapter 1 is posted!
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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Mon Dec 06, 2010 8:33 pm

OHGOD GOOD GRAMMAR AND SPELLING. OH GOD SHOW NOT TELL. OH GOD SIMILES. OH GOD WORDS USED EFFECTIVELY. OH GOD INTERESTINGNESS. OH GOD THE CHAPTERS ARE ACTUALLY CHAPTER LENGTH. IS THIS NAKIRA'S STORY? IS THIS A MIRACLE?

No offense guys, I love your sories, everything I posted on them is 100 percent sincere and from the heart, but I am critiquing, praising, and reviewing them according to your individual levels. I feel like I can finally review something a bit more challenging. Also, Lyls acts like: OMGJUSTINBEAVER all the time on the chatbox, so this is genuinely surprising. I didn't know she could write. Plus, she's 14, which is older than most of you, so it's kind of obvious she would write better.

This is almost excactly like how I would write it. I swear, I love this. The end is very suspenceful, the descriptions are very clear but with a poetic prose that draws yoiu in and doesn't let go, so it's not a burden to read. Yes. I have no idea where this is going. My sole complaint would be, comas are a bit clichéd. People rarely potray them correctly and if overused as a dramatic device I will bang my head into the desk so hard I will give myself a comma. It's a bit unrealistic one would get it from being frozen in the snow, too, having to amputate a limb after frostbite would be better, but even that is stretching the truth.

Not that that detracts from the story's value, though.
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Lyli
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Tue Dec 07, 2010 5:22 pm

Thank you so much, Mak! C: I was really scared you wouldn't like it, haha.

--
UPDATE: In the process of typing chapter 2.
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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Tue Dec 07, 2010 5:34 pm

You're wlecome so much, Lyls! C: Since when does my opinion matter more than anyone else's, haha?
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case1998
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Tue Dec 07, 2010 6:22 pm

Makkine, your critique everyone wants. You that good of a writer.

Really good story. Love how it has a sad but interesting plot.
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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   Today at 9:04 pm

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