Posts : 936 Join date : 2010-01-26 Location : Some where in a parallel universe
Subject: Lost-A story Sun Dec 05, 2010 8:01 pm
Yes a new story written by yours truly-me! Enjoy it! Compliments and critiques are welcome. (More will be added as time goes by.)
I guess that you’re probably wondering what the title is supposed to mean. Well, I’m here to tell you, what it’s supposed to mean. It all started when I was just a little toddler, not too young to forget my experience without anyone to love or be around with. It all started with the dreadful, horrifying, devastation war. My parents were trying to protect me and my other siblings by leaving my home country. It was a long shot but they had to do it for the sake of us, we were almost reaching the country border when just like lighting, bandits attacked us! Terrified my parents were they ran into the heavily thick woods caring me, my brother and my sister. They tried everything to hide us, climb slick humongous trees didn’t work so they tried to find a hole somewhere, and there was no luck on that either. As my parents heard the heavy stomping of the men getting closer and closer, they panicked like maniacs. We ran farther and farther, deeper and deeper into the thick, jungle woods until we were trapped at an end by the roaring waterfall. There were only two choices, jump down and hopefully live or surrender and probably die. The bandits soon saw us and were coming closer and closer, my mother clutching me closer and harder. Then something just seem to struck her inside because she looked at my father then to my brother and sister and finally at me, then squeezed me to death and jumped from the edge of land to the silky clear water. Surprisingly, my mother and I lived, but when I woke up I was on land but my mother was in no sight. I called my mother about a million times hearing the echoes of each and every one of the calls and no reply on neither of them. It soon started to rain heavily and it had gotten pitch black dark and my mother was no where in sight as far as the eye can see. So this is my side of the story of what truly happened to me, and how I kept myself alive throughout all those years, alone.
As the black night blanket fell upon me and the soft pitter patter of the rain I tried to see in the darkness but it was sadly, no use. I stayed where I was hoping that my mother would find me in the pitch black dark. As I sat down on the wet muddy ground wrapping my arms around my legs since I was freezing to death. Did I ever mention that it was sundown when we went in the woods, and that it was fall? Well it was, but anyway back to the story. I tried to see in the dark but the best thing I could do was use my hands and guide my way to a tree where I slept for the reminder of the night. The next morning was disastrous. I was starving, I was cold, and I had to pee (I wasn’t exactly potty-trained at the moment.) I finally gave up on looking for my mother since I thought she was dead or captured. I only knew very little about camping and surviving the woods. For example I know how to make fire, find food that’s not poisonous and a few other things. While I was exploring the unknown evergreen forest, which I quite really couldn’t enjoy since the only thing in my mind was mouth-watering, steamy hot juicy food and a place where the little girls could do their business. I finally gave up in search of a restroom and used the next best thing I could do. Quickly I ran behind a bulky bush and, well…I did what I had to do. No explanation on what happened after wards but I can tell you this, after I did…what I had to do I heard a strange noise. I spun around like a top to see what the awkward noise was from but I saw nothing except trees, bushes, and birds fluttering by. I picked up a deformed stick that had a few leaves left. Hey, it was they only thing I could do to protect myself, you would pick up a stick if you were in my shoes. Anyway, I looked through some bushes but found nothing interesting but a few bugs and some birds that flew away. Then while I was looking at a different kind of bush-a rose bush to be exact-I heard that same exact noise. But this time it was louder and was closer so I immediately stopped searching the rose bush and just stood there-frozen-as if I were made out of ice. Then I felt a sudden touch or nudge on my shoulder. I jumped from the terror and screamed till my lungs ached and I fell on the ground. Being blinded by the bright yellow sun and having pain on my leg I looked up to see what the creature was. Her figure blocked the shining sun and I noticed that it was no creature that had bothered me, but an old, wrinkled up, elderly woman.
“Oh, you poor little child. Here let me help you get up.” Said the old wrinkled lady extending her hand towards me. I accepted it since that was just how I was raised and she helped me stand up.
“You poor little thing, you must be dreadfully hungry and lost. Don’t you have a mother?” Asked the old lady dusting my back, again I said nothing since I was completely terrified and just plain scared. She stared at me with her big, baggy, clear blue eyes like a clear river.
“I-uh, umm, I do……but I don’t know if I still do” I said very softly and nervousness in my voice. I have no idea if the old lady heard me because she just stared at me as if I said something that never happened.
“Aww, you must come with me. Don’t worry you can trust old little Ms. Flower. Now come” said Ms. Flower grabbing my hand. I had no idea what to do, should I scream is what ran into my mind followed by what’s going to happen? After about 30 or so minutes, we reached to an old snowy white cottage. It reminded me of some stories that my mother used to tell me about cottages that looked like this one. Just by the thought of my mother, I began to feel hot tears running down my face. I suppose that Ms. Flower noticed that I was crying since she said,
“What’s the matter, hun? I’m not going to hurt you or anything like that, now wipe those tears away. You’re in a new home, a new life and you’re not lost anymore. So be grateful, hun.” I stared at her not know at all what she said. But I did what I was told.
“Welcome to my little home” said Ms. Flower opening the light-colored wood door. I opened my mouth with amazement, sure the cottage was small but it had a nice warm, comfortable look and feeling to it. There was the kitchen that was decorated with antique china all over the place. In the middle was a very old wooden circular table that had tea cups. In the living room was a small white with flowers love seat with a glass coffee table over a rectangular rug.
“Oh, don’t forget to go upstairs, that’s where the bedrooms and bathrooms are. I’m sure you’ll love it here since I can tell just by looking at chu.” Ms. Flowers said, grinning very mysteriously like and pointing to the old wooden stairs, “by the way, I’m sure you’ll love your room” she said whispering in my ear as I went up the stairs. What did that mean? I thought cautiously looking around upstairs. I went to a room that seemed to grab my attention, and it did. The room was very comfortable with a little bed with butterfly patterns as the sheet and pillow. There were butterfly and flower stickers all over the walls. In front of my was a window and next to it was a small closet. I opened the squeaky wooden doors and found a few clothes and shoes hanging on a rusty old tube that was connected to the other walls of the closet. Then there was a huge dollhouse with dolls that were made of all sorts of things. There were dolls that inside they had beans in them since I ripped one of the heads open. Yes I can that cruel to dolls. Another kind of dolls was handmade-since of the stitches-and the last kind was made out of china or plastic that can easily be broken. I went and sat on the bed and looked around the room again. How did she know she was going to have me? Do I know her? Does she know me? Did she kill my mother and then noticed that she had a daughter and took me in? I feel so lost right now…..Then my thoughts were interrupted by a loud sound that made me jump. I went under the bed and took a few stuffed animals with me to hide myself as I heard loud steps coming closer and closer. Then the door sung wide open leaving a bang against the wall and I closed my eyes squeezing a stuffed dog around my chest.
Last edited by kiki424 on Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:30 am; edited 3 times in total
Posts : 459 Join date : 2010-05-22 Age : 18 Location : In a AI storage unit.
Subject: Re: Lost-A story Sun Dec 05, 2010 8:55 pm
I really like it! My critique is you need more description. Like say 'then the bandits attacked us. There eyes lookig at us coldly. They were all dressed in black with knifes at their finger tips.' something like that.