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 how the moonstone was found ( my version )

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ashsal833
Senior Fantagian


Posts : 292
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : AZ

PostSubject: how the moonstone was found ( my version )   Sun Jul 10, 2011 5:53 pm

Ashsal and sparkz was walking to the wizards domain to turn in their gems. ' Race you there ' sparkz said. Ash was running and she tripped ' just a rock ' sparkz replied ' THATS NO ROCK ASH t-t-t-hats a GEM!!!!!.' Well said sparkz ' lets go to the wizard ' ' NO im not going to the wizard i wanna find out where it came from ' sparkz said ' well lets look up gems on the internet. They walked home and looked up Gems. It said : Gems came from space some say the planet is right over fantage. Ash said ' sparkz we're going to space. ' ' NO im not going' ash said get get to be famous ' ' OOH im there but lets not say a thing about that gem' They went to Dr finklestein he said ' well if you really want to you need to sign a contract' ' ok we will ' she wrote in her log
LOG
Spoiler:
 
the week went fast and day 7 timorrow we go in space to look for the gem they wen t in space sparkz said ' 5 4 3 2 1... ' The rocket blasted off sparkz said ' no turnign back now ' ' oh my gosh there it is lets land ' They got off and saw green people alien ' AHHHH ROTTEN MEAT LOAF' sparkz said ' i dotn think thats meatloaf the alien said : ' HAI u looking for these ' he held the gem in his hand the alien said ' please dont steal it ' ash replyed ' oh no we wotn steal it we found it on are planet fantage ' the alien said ' oh well then why are you here OH dont trap me! ' ' relax we wanna know what the gem is called ' 'oh its called a moon stone also please dont tell every1 about us we are very shy ' ' oh we wont thanks! ' ' they left ' ' when they laned on earth there was a crowd a reporter invited them to her house she saod ' why did you want to go to space ' sparkz replied and pulled the moonstone out of her pocket ' this we found it and wanted to see where it came from we couldnt find where it came from exactly we call it a moon stone ' ashsal nodded ' yep 'they became s huge succsess
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Relora
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 19
Location : Define "Location"

PostSubject: Re: how the moonstone was found ( my version )   Sun Jul 10, 2011 7:07 pm

It was kinda difficult to read with no paragraphs, punctuation and an incorrect way on showing what is dialogue...Other than that meh it was pretty good.
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ashsal833
Senior Fantagian


Posts : 292
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : AZ

PostSubject: Re: how the moonstone was found ( my version )   Sun Jul 10, 2011 7:09 pm

lol thx 4 the feed back Smile
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Relora
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 19
Location : Define "Location"

PostSubject: Re: how the moonstone was found ( my version )   Sun Jul 10, 2011 7:10 pm

No problem ^^
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Blackrose
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 7332
Join date : 2010-07-20

PostSubject: Re: how the moonstone was found ( my version )   Sun Jul 10, 2011 9:02 pm

i read it but i'm not rlly getting it... O o.............. but good dialog?
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PostSubject: Re: how the moonstone was found ( my version )   Today at 1:39 pm

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