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 A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|

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Is it a Good Story?
Yes.
65%
 65% [ 15 ]
No.
30%
 30% [ 7 ]
50%
4%
 4% [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 23
 

AuthorMessage
Queen
Veteran Fantagian


Posts : 4498
Join date : 2010-07-20
Age : 15
Location : nowhereland

PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    Sun Nov 13, 2011 3:55 pm

I'm finally done chapter 10! So you can read and do whatever now! ^o^
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taehyung
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PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:25 am

i read chapter 10 itsssss soooooooooo NICE
i can't wait to hear more from you!
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PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:37 am

The falling action in the story (That solves the conflict.) is way too choppy. You should add more details like why her mother said yes, or how the kids convinced her mother to say yes, and how long it took. Describe the setting. How did it smell, look, feel, hear, or taste. (LOL TASTE.)
Just think about the five senses.

__
And I might look for grammar mistakes. I found one.
--
Mai hugged her mom and petted her dog Max and went outside with the others: "Petted" just sounds weird there. Use "pet".
--
I'll find more later.
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Queen
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Age : 15
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PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    Tue Nov 15, 2011 4:37 pm

Mr.Taost wrote:
The falling action in the story (That solves the conflict.) is way too choppy. You should add more details like why her mother said yes, or how the kids convinced her mother to say yes, and how long it took. Describe the setting. How did it smell, look, feel, hear, or taste. (LOL TASTE.)
Just think about the five senses.

__
And I might look for grammar mistakes. I found one.
--
Mai hugged her mom and petted her dog Max and went outside with the others: "Petted" just sounds weird there. Use "pet".
--
I'll find more later.

Okay, Okay. I'll fix the grammar later. >.>

And BTW I am Filipino, so why would I know every single good grammar and well got nothing else to say.
[P.S. I'm fixing my story when I have time, I was too lazy to put details. And please just give me a weekly grammar stuff and whatever for my story because that's kinda getting annoying. No offence.]

Okay bye. Razz
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Relora
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PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    Mon Nov 21, 2011 9:51 am

I really like the story line. But the falling action was a bit chopy as taost already said. Other than that very well done.
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badcad67
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Posts : 51
Join date : 2011-06-25
Age : 13
Location : princess peachs castle

PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    Fri Dec 02, 2011 6:22 pm

yay chapter 10
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FruitCake
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PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    Fri Dec 02, 2011 6:23 pm

badcad67 wrote:
yay chapter 10
Yes, Chapter 10.
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PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    Today at 7:04 am

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