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 Three Worlds Collide.

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PostSubject: Three Worlds Collide.   Thu Mar 25, 2010 8:53 pm


Three Worlds Collide
By: Miyeon, Pokeranger, and Kawaii Maker

Chapter 1~A Violent Meeting
I was walking in the forest, looking for some trouble. I came upon a girl sitting near a large tree.
"Hi there! What are you doing here? My name is Miyeon. What's yours?" I asked her cheerfully. She turned around with a grin.
"Nice to meet you Miyeon! The name's Pokeranger! But you can call me Poke." she told me. Just after she introduced herself, another girl came running to us.
"Hi there," I said. "My name is Miyeon, and this is Pokeranger. What's your name? And who are you?" I asked, filled with questions.
"Probably a stupid clique." somebody said from behind some trees. She grabbed her sword out of her pocket and slowly cut down a large tree in our direction.
"EEP!" I screamed as I pushed everyone out of the way and jumped out danger.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" I yelled as I looked around suspiciously. The others did the same thing. The girl came before us. Her glasses sharpened.
"I don't like cliques," she assured us.
“H-h-hello there. My name is Lee Miyeon. What’s yours?” I asked her nicely.
“You don’t need to know,” she said while taking out her katana and putting it close to my heart.
“Now get ready to die.” I pushed the sword out of her hands.
“I do not play violent. Now who are you?!” I asked her impatiently.
“Fine, just so I won’t be annoyed, my name is Yoko Otabe. Hah! My katana made your hands bleed!” she laughed. I looked at my bloody hands and wiped them on a tree. I took out my own sword and she laughed.
“You say you do not play violent, and look at that sword! But it’s not a katana like mine! I would love to fight you, but you don’t play violent!” I thought for a moment and said,
“Don’t play violent? I only play violent when there are serious fights. But I’ve been dying for a fight all day! Now, get ready to die!” I exclaimed, grinning a little.
Chapter 2~Less Intros, More Fighting
She chuckled,
“Fool… you can’t stand against me!” She put her katana on the grass. A tornado started.
“Don’t you know Yoko Otabe?!” she started laughing even more. Lightning also began from my lightning sword Byakurai. I took a marble-like candy out of my pocket and ate it. My clothes changed to a black kimono with a white cloak on top.
“Squad Captain 14, Lee Hyori. I am from the Soul Society, and please, call me Hyori.” I told Yoko. I began using one of my sword’s powers.
“Tsuki No Mai, Hakuren.” I said while pointing my sword at her. Just then, ice came bursting at Yoko. It froze her. The other 2 came near me.
“By the way, my name is McKenna.” The girl told me. I shook her hand. The ice Yoko was in suddenly bursted into flames. It melted, and she chuckled again.
“Less intros, more fighting!” Yoko shouted. Yoko disappeared and reappeared behind me. She stabbed my heart, and I fell to the ground. I was gasping for air. I grabbed my sword and stabbed myself again and said,
“Minazuki…” Then my wound healed. McKenna and Pokeranger came out and they were in different costumes. They were in wizard costumes.

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Last edited by miyeon on Thu Apr 01, 2010 3:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:04 pm

Chapter 3- True identities.

I stared at them and grinned. I shot fire straight from te sky. And made sure it landed on each one of them. Suddenly, I ran off. Poke catched up to me.

"I...am a inmortal wizard!" she called out, making a tree sword.

"Tree, is weak." I said. Smiling.

Then ripping the katana into two.

I them stared at Lee. I grabbed my Katana. And stuck it a little deep into her heart. "Heh... Beat me now.... You fools.."

(sorry its so short, but thats bassicñy what happened in the 3rd chapter.)

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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Fri Mar 26, 2010 12:18 pm

Awesome story x33 Love it so far.
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sat Mar 27, 2010 5:26 pm

Thanks Lori!
Poke's writing Chapter 3 right now. :3

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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:23 pm

BTW, does it have to be related to the story? I sort of changed it. I forgot what happened at the RP that's why.


Chapter 4- The Fight

"Tree may be weak," Pokeranger said looking at her. "But my justice saves me" I said smiling at her.

"Really?" Yoko said. "As if! Prove it!" She said smiling evily.
Pokeranger took out her wand an as she waved it, bonds of fiery fire was surrounding Yoko.
"Impressive!" she said. "But still, my katana is still stuck in Lee's heart." she said evily as she slowly past through the fiery fire. "Come any closer and I shall stick the katana deeper and deeper until she dies!"
Pokeranger was looking at Lee. She was unconscious. Someone save her now pokeranger thought. "Tick tock, tick tock! So what'll it be? I look nervously at them. "zephyr mega fire! Divide the lines between this evil and this good!" Pokeranger said holding her wand. Suddenly, the fire was dividing the lines between Yoko and Lee. As it was dividing, the katana slowly burnt in the fire. "At least I didn't come any closer." Pokeranger said. As Pokeranger was running to Lee, she took out her healing water. She put a dash on her wand and said the spell while putting it around Lee. "Healing water of all of it's do, sprinkle it, heal it, zhi hiu don!!!" Suddenly, Lee's wound started to heal. Lee started to cough. "thank you," Lee said trying to get up.
"You may have won this time, but next time you and Lee will suffer!" Yoko said from the other side while slowly fading away with her eyes deeply red, her teeth like vampires, and her mind crazy with ideas on death.
"Will you be alright?" I asked Lee.
"I'll be fine." she said muttering.
"This is a start of a new beginning. More danger will become between us. We shall over come it. Together. Shall we?" I asked seriously


Last edited by pokeranger on Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:28 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Please read beginning writers of the story)
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sat Mar 27, 2010 11:13 pm

Aw no Miyeon ish supposed to write da nnext one,
And poke, I control fire.
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:55 am

The story has moved a bit too fast. Four pretty short chapters and they've already got a death enemy. I like how you were using other languages, thats pretty creative. I have to be honest, I really dislike how there are two of you writing this, as you both have different writing styles. Try working on descriptions. And I have to say, those four chapters could have been made into one chapter. They're all based on the same topic. Its okay to be long, people can read. I think for your next chapters I hope to see a little more describing. Tell us what Lee looks like, what her weapons look like, her background. Same with the other characters. There are quite a few grammar mistakes. Nothing major though. Overall the story is looking good. Keep writing. ;]

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Last edited by The Criticizer on Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:51 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:10 am

Ok! Thank you!!!!! I think I can improve!!
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:14 am

Yeah me too. I just get passionite sometimes when writing.
I didnt feel it here.
....
I think its on storys I really enjoy the plot. Like Sugar Lime, I think I did a much better job there.

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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:16 am

I agree with Kawaii. It was late at night I was working. The night I was asking the Criticizer to help me on my writing skills. I did a bad job on my writing assignment at school so might as well try harder here!
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:17 am

YepYep!
Lets just hope we start geting passionite.
And you were asking the criticizer for writing tips?!
Thats a great idea. She rocks at writing. I can tell.

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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:18 am

The riticizers a girl? Oh. Well, I'll try to work harder anyways.
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Thu Apr 01, 2010 3:29 pm

Sorry everybody!

Haven't been able to do chapter 5 and 6 yet.

I'll hopefully get it done at 5:00!

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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Thu Apr 01, 2010 4:16 pm

Oh ok. But I'm gonna do chapter 8 right?
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Thu Apr 01, 2010 4:18 pm

Yesh Poke. You're doing ch. 8.

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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Thu Apr 01, 2010 6:14 pm

Oh ok. I'll write it after Chapter 7
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Apr 04, 2010 9:01 pm

Sorrehz, I haven't written in a while. XD

I only wrote Chapter 5, so here it is:
Chapter 5~ A Strange Visitor
“I agree. We shall defeat evil together.” I assured her as I shook her hand.
“Well, we better go home now. It’s getting pretty dark here.” Pokeranger said. I went back in my real body, and Pokeranger put her wand away. We waved goodbye and went in opposite directions.
While Hyori was walking home, somebody appeared before her.
“Oniisan, kokode naniwo shiteiruno?” I asked my elder brother in Japanese.
“Kiken.” He responded, looking serious around the forest.
“Kiken…?” I asked in shock.
Meanwhile, Poke was walking home. She came upon a strange looking monster.
It had no eyes and a huge mouth. A hole was in the middle of the body.
“W-w-what is that?” she asked, trembling with fear. She took out her wand and said,
“Avada Kadavra!” This spell murdered the monster. Pokeranger put her wand away and continued to walk home.
“Whew! That was scary.” She said walking quickly in the forest.
“Poke! Wait up!” A voice called behind her. It was Hyori.
“Did you see a strange monster coming this way?”
“Yes. I killed it with a spell.” Pokeranger replied to me.
My brother, Byakuya, was shocked, and so was I.
“You killed it? So you saw it?!” I asked her with shocked eyes.
“Yes. I killed it.” She told me calmly.
“I will explain what that thing was.” Byakuya said.
“That monster you killed, was a hollow. Hollows are like ghosts, but they turn into the monster when they’re not sent to the Soul Society. They are evil spirits, wanting to eat people’s souls, including their beloved ones.” He explained. Pokeranger looked surprised.
“You mean, they eat their family members too?!” She asked, shockingly. Byakuya and I nodded.
“Well, I’ll be on my way now. Bye guys, nice to meet you Byakuya!” she said calmly, trying to forget about the hollow. We waved goodbye, and left.

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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Apr 04, 2010 9:35 pm

Thats amazing! Kawaii will do the next chapter, and I'll do chapter 7! Can't wait!
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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:11 pm

Chapter 6
~
Kokoro the Dragon


I stared at the sky.
"I didnt lose, what guillible kids..."
Then I stared at the sky.
"Kokoro, come out now!"
A pale blue and white dragon came swooping down. A path of white light following it.

"Ferus!FerusFerus!" I hushed. And we were off flying in the sky.
As I saw the 3 diminute kids together, all happy and cheerful that they "Defeated" me, I looked up to see a beautiful pale mountain.
"Kokoro! Stopus, and transform!"
All of a sudden, the mystical dragon transformed into a human girl.
She had pale skin with yellow hair that were filled with hope.
"Hello Kokoro, go do your work."
Tears filled my slave, she is such a baby.

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PostSubject: Re: Three Worlds Collide.   Mon Apr 05, 2010 12:00 pm

Awesome! Ok, I'll work on the next chapter soon!
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