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 Sugar Lime- A story by Kawaii Maker- CHAPTER ADDED! :D

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Oliver
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PostSubject: Sugar Lime- A story by Kawaii Maker- CHAPTER ADDED! :D   Sat Mar 27, 2010 7:18 pm

sorry, Ill still write Hope.
The name of this story is called Sugar
lime. Im extremey proud

Prolouge~

I helped create Sugar Lime. You
know, that robot thats helping us destroy the monsters? THAT Sugar Lime. Of
course, I didnt do alot. Im never mentioned in her commercials. After all, I
just created her clothes. ALL of her clothes.
But right now, im a maid. My
name is Miku Hara. I work for the REAL maker of sugar lime.
Hikaru Kouki. Or
as im forced to call him, Kouki-Sama (Sigh...)

I also help Sugar Lime
learn how to speak. But I always found the idea of Sugar Lime wierd. I mean,
theres only one of her, and she has commercials, and "Kouki-Sama" Gets a TON of
money. But I like her personality. She understands me, and she is curious about
why she has to smash the monsters. I always thought the same thing. Why should
we? They have never harmed us, the people just thought they looked
creepy.

Atleast in this universe.


Chapter 1~ Speaking Lessons.

One day, I was teaching Sugar how to speak. I was in a romantic mood. And
kept telling her words like, Love, Valentines, Kiss, Cute, Couple. After a
while, Sugar noticed what was going on. "Why. Are. Lime... Saying.. Words...
Sugar... Words.... Romantic? " She hummed slowly. I smiled. "Its, why are you saying
romantic words.." My smile got bigger, "And its probably because of the bell..."
Sugar Looked curious as always. "Bell?" I then nodded. "Yes. This one around my neck. See?"
I told her. Pointing at the silver and gold Bell Len-Sempai have gave to me. "Why is that
making, Sugar Lime... Miku-Chan.. Romantic?" I grinned again. "Sugar Lime, im going to tell
You a real Love story..." Sugar Lime then stared at me, ready to listen about the bell.

Chapter 2~ The Bell

"It was a bright day in agust....I had to say something to Len-Sempai..."
Sugar Lime stared deep into my eyes. "Who..Lime...Len-Sempai?"
I smiled at her. "My old boyfriend..."
"As I was saying. Me and Len-Sempai decided to meet."
"We went to the garden we always went too."
Sugar Limes bright Green eyes and White hair were swishing side to side.
"I was depressed. The new I had to tell him was not good."
"I did it just before I started to work here..."
I then frowned, and started tingling the bell on my neck.
Then I tugged on my purple hair.
"Well, we met there. Len-Sempai was wearing the mask in part of his face..."
"As always..."
I slouched on Sugar Limes shoulder. And I figured she thought it was heavy.
"Well, We went there... And I told him I couldnt see him anymore..."
"That, I was going to get a job as a maid..."
I went closer to Sugar Lime.
"Then he did something I never expected,"
"He took of his mask..."
Sugar Lime huffed, and did a "Oooh!"
"He had eyes of two different colors.... They were beautiful."
"And he told me...."

"I have never meet someone that respected my appearence. Atleast after I took off this mask."
"I want you to keep this."

"And he gave me the very bell.... I am wearing right now..."


Chapter 3- Berry Picking.

Sugar Lime was squealing.
"Sugar...Miku..Chan...Lime...Boyfriend!"
I blushed.
"Guess so, still love him, always will."
I tugged my hair more.
"Well, Sugar, we have to go get dinner!"
This, didnt mean we had to go get it from the table.
I was supposed to get berries every day for Hikaru-San
And Sugar enjoyed coming with me.
The stones to get outside the house was a long path.
"Ok, go choose your berries, and ill go choose mine and Kouki-Samas."
Me and Sugar both went looking for berries. (Sugar decided to stay next to me.)
Sugar seemed to always get the ripe ones.
Oh well, maybe its one of her programs.
I also grabbed some other fruits and veggies.
Not because I wanted Hikaru-San to be happy, but it was a order for tonight.
"Well then Sugar, its getting late. And if we dont hurry up, Kouki-Sama is going to go into one of his mad times..."
Sugar agreed, and we rushed back inside the house.

Chapter 5- Bed time.

Hikaru-San agreed that Sugars Berries were riper.
"TRY HARDER MIKU-SAN!" He would yell into my ear.
And I would just nod....

As I hurried to Sugars room, preparing to go to my room to sleep.
"Get into the bed sugar..." I whispered with a smile.
"Sugar...Ok..." Her eyes were droopy, and hollow...
She layed down in her bed, and I got her charger.
It made me feel guilty that I had to put a CHARGER on her.
Yes she was a robot! But, it didnt feel good to go do this to one of my inspirations...

As I went to my bed, the dark, huge, hallway, seeming to be playing with the wind.
I got a match out of my apron pocket, and took out both of my ponytails.
In my room, I hurried and put on my pijamas before Hikaru-San came in here.
...
a star filled sky was outside, and I in my bed.

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Last edited by Kawaii Maker on Thu Apr 08, 2010 9:51 am; edited 6 times in total
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ballet4ever
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PostSubject: Re: Sugar Lime- A story by Kawaii Maker- CHAPTER ADDED! :D   Wed Mar 31, 2010 3:32 pm

Omg! That is such a good story! Good job!
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PostSubject: Re: Sugar Lime- A story by Kawaii Maker- CHAPTER ADDED! :D   Wed Mar 31, 2010 3:37 pm

I agree with ballet! Very great story! Can't wait for more!
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: Sugar Lime- A story by Kawaii Maker- CHAPTER ADDED! :D   Wed Mar 31, 2010 3:53 pm

OMG THANK YOU!
You just gave me a reason to write the next chapter XD

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PostSubject: Re: Sugar Lime- A story by Kawaii Maker- CHAPTER ADDED! :D   Wed Mar 31, 2010 5:10 pm

Chapter 2 has to be one of the most passionate things you've ever written. Good job!

"Then he did something I never expected,"
"He took of his mask..."

Those few sentences, ROCK! It's mysterious, yet cute at the same time. I like your whole set up of teaching words to Sugar Lime, its cool yet cute. This whole stories Cute! And, I gotta say. The world loves cute things. Now, I'd like to see some length in your chapters. Sit down for 3 hours if you have too! If you squished those up, It'd only be 1-2 paragraphs per chapter. Normal chapters are much longer then that, but for a kid writer like you, I'd say maybe 6 paragraphs a chapter would be nice. Remember to show don't tell. Show how the character feels, don't just say it. I'd like to see some description of how Sugar Lime and the main character, Miku Hara. As for the story pace, It's going nice and slow. Keep the pace going slow, it makes the story longer and keeps the person reading. Excellent Job! Keep writing, because I'd love to keep reading this.

~The Criticizer
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: Sugar Lime- A story by Kawaii Maker- CHAPTER ADDED! :D   Wed Mar 31, 2010 5:13 pm

Thank you so much, I was feeling much more passionite in this one.
^^
Hope was like, whatever.
But I love this story, and the plot is going to got hrough alot of stuff...Trust me...

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PostSubject: Re: Sugar Lime- A story by Kawaii Maker- CHAPTER ADDED! :D   Today at 5:50 am

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