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ValleyBall70
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PostSubject: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:34 pm

i am making a book!!!!!!!! Shocked Surprised
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kateyperry221
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:35 pm

ok awesome!!
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Relora
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:35 pm

Good to know. I'm always working on making a book whether it's in a notebook or in my head. Though I always end up with writers block and leave my failed ideas behind.
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kateyperry221
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:37 pm

even though your blocked keep on trying!!! (same fer Relora...)
And Welcome to the forum Valley!!
Read the rules n have fun!!
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ValleyBall70
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:39 pm

Please comment

C1: Who are you??

So i came walking rite. I saw a guy. He walked to me he shook my hand. I pulled my hands back. "Who are you?" I asked. "Who are you." He said. "No i ask first." I said. "Okay. its. Who are you." He said again. Is he crazy it tought. "No." He said. I gasped. Follow me......

wait for chapter 2
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John_Rocks
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:44 pm

awsome! can't wait until chapter 2!


This is you making the chapters! --> this is me -->
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alex
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:45 pm

valley_ball_70 wrote:
Please comment

C1: Who are you??

So i came walking rite. I saw a guy. He walked to me he shook my hand. I pulled my hands back. "Who are you?" I asked. "Who are you." He said. "No i ask first." I said. "Okay. its. Who are you." He said again. Is he crazy it tought. "No." He said. I gasped. Follow me......

wait for chapter 2
A few swnetences that don't really make sense and have no grammar or syntax isn't a "chapter" or a "book".

_________________


tumblr / 내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요. ㅡㅅㅡ
thank u elliot for the pic of me n my gf♥


Last edited by Homestuck on Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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kateyperry221
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:46 pm

very good cant wait fer nxt chapters!!
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kateyperry221
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:47 pm

Homestuck wrote:
valley_ball_70 wrote:
Please comment

C1: Who are you??

So i came walking rite. I saw a guy. He walked to me he shook my hand. I pulled my hands back. "Who are you?" I asked. "Who are you." He said. "No i ask first." I said. "Okay. its. Who are you." He said again. Is he crazy it tought. "No." He said. I gasped. Follow me......

wait for chapter 2
A few swnetences that don't really make sense and have no grammar or syntax.

thankyousomuchforpointingthatout!!
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ValleyBall70
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:56 pm

sorry chapter 2 took so long
and sorry if i didn't have good grammar in first one. Kateyperry221 is my critic (:

chapter 2- the man

I can't believe i followed the man. He took be upstairs in a black and white building. it had no colors! i was scared. for a moment i thought i was dreaming than i bit my hand and it was true, "Okay dude, sir, woman i dont know what to call you but, can i leave?" I asked. "We need to girl." Man said. I looked confused. i laughed hard but still confused. He led me into a pool area. It was 9ft high. "Jump in." He said. I looked. I can't swim i thought. "I don't care if you can't" He urged me. "How you know what i was-" "Get in!" he yelled. He kicked me in. I couldn't see or breathe. Than i blacked out.....
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ashsal833
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:03 pm

Cant wait for chapter 3. rabbit
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Usui
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:05 pm

cool chapters i love them cant wait for #3 Smile
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-♥Sweet19971♥-
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:01 am

Awesome Chapter's
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Relora
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:08 am

I'm having to be truthful here, but your story is so short, and full of mistakes, and doesn't make sense all the way. Sorry if I had to be the bad guy.
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ValleyBall70
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:21 pm

Chapter 3- air

When i blacked out the only thing i can think of was 1 were was i, 2 why am i swimming, and 3 im hungry. Finally i looked up. The tank was closed! Than i knocked the glass hard. Then i was grabbed. I let go some air and started choking out water. I was pulled into a hole. Than waves kicked me on shore. Sand all up in my eyes i couldn't see. I saw the man digging up a hole. I tried to escape but when i looked around it was the water and a small piece of sandy land below me! affraid i gasped. My only choice was

A: jump in the water
B: ask the man to let me go
C: scream
D: Dig my way out.

I had to go with A but when i was going in i was getting pulled. The man stuffed me into the sand hole and that was it......

(that was it doesnt mean the end)
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pokeranger
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:24 pm

Your capitalization. Grammar as well. I'm no writer, but if I did something like this;

Cecily had no choice. Breathing heavily as she looked down at her feet, where the water currents drew closer. She looked behind her. The Crutchfields' drew nearer every second. Looking frontwards once more, she ran into the cold, salty water and dived as if it was her last chance.

xP Power writing, please don't critique. I know it's bad
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Usui
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:25 pm

#3 was okay but plz use grammer okay;)
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ValleyBall70
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:26 pm

thanks for telling me Neutral
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Usui
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:28 pm

valley_ball_70 wrote:
thanks for telling me Neutral

i hope it didnt make you mad or something but i LOVE your series
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ValleyBall70
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Age : 21

PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:37 pm

Chapter 4- Into the deep

When I was in that deep sand hole, sand was all I could see, well mostly. I dropped down hard on another sand floor. The place I was dropped into was blue and bright. "Excuse me, sir." I poked the man annoyingly. "What child?" He screamed. "I am not staying here. You want a summary about me than i will tell you." I gave him all my information in my memory. "I am 9 year old Macy Price and I want to leave." I stopped. He refused to let me go. I was kicking sand rapidly. "If you want to leave you will need to do something for me involving the precious ball of the world. Mahmoud Gold treasures." He said. I didn't want to say anything but I needed too. "Are you insane!!!! I can get arrested for 10 years." I said pushing my black hair back. He didn't seem to care at all. He just ignored me and handed me gear. I sighed and took it....
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ValleyBall70
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:38 pm

to Kat_Kat11

it's okay. I am not mad. I really need more grammar and punctuation in my series. I agree what the viewers tell me
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Usui
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:39 pm

omg i love #4 keeps thoses chapters coming love<3
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ValleyBall70
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:40 pm

(: Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:41 pm

I'll critique

So, I came walking, and I saw a guy. He walked to me he shook my hand. I pulled my hands back. "Who are you?" I asked "Who are you?" He asked, "No I ask first." I demanded. "Okay. its. Who are you." He said again. "Is he crazy?" I thought. "No." He said. I gasped. Follow me......

I dont even get this...

What does follow me even mean?


I can't believe I followed the man. He took be upstairs in a black and white building. It had no colors! I was scared. For a moment I thought I was dreaming then, I bit my hand and it was true.
"Okay dude, sir, woman i dont know what to call you but, can i leave?"
"We need to girl." Man said. I looked confused. I laughed hard, but still confused. He led me into a pool area. It was nine feet high. "Jump in," He said. I looked in. "I can't swim," I thought, "I don't care if you can't" He urged me. "How you know what I was-" "Get in!" he yelled. He kicked me in. I couldn't see or breathe. Then, I blacked out.....

"We need to girl,"
I don't even...




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ValleyBall70
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:43 pm

to Mr. Toast

what do you mean??
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PostSubject: Re: Book   Today at 1:02 am

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