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 ~Ice sisters~ Chapter 1 A very very very SHOCKING THING.

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**♥ Anni Hart♥**
Regular Fantagian


Posts : 246
Join date : 2011-10-14
Age : 64
Location : You like krabby patties dont you squidward

PostSubject: ~Ice sisters~ Chapter 1 A very very very SHOCKING THING.   Sat Oct 15, 2011 11:02 pm

" HOORAY!" I shouted in glee that woke my sisters up. " ALEXIA STOP FOOLING AROUND!" Then I calmed down I still kept bouncing. My parents walked into Emma's room my 6 year old hyper sister. They put up the "shh sign." As I grabbed an cold snack I noticed something I forgot my lunch! I ran into my room and slipped because of my shoes! CRASH! My leg was bleeding I thought " No problem! " I used my ice power's to heal it. I got on the bus and sat down next to my friends. But I had a crush on 1 his name was Razor he had Water and Wind power which are the power's I love. I sat down next to Razor and said " So.. How was Sunday?" "Fine" He said.. There was a 3 minute silence so before I could say something. The bus stopped at school. Razor said " It was nice hanging out wanna meet after school sometime? " I nodded eagerly. Just then my best friend Julie Had gem powers which was awesome! Anyways she said " GUESS WHAT!" I said " what? " She said eagerly " YOU KNOW RAZOR? " I nodded curiously " I'M GOING ON A DATE WITH HIM!"
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taehyung
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Join date : 2011-07-15
Age : 16
Location : somewhere

PostSubject: Re: ~Ice sisters~ Chapter 1 A very very very SHOCKING THING.   Sun Oct 16, 2011 6:52 am

cant wait for more
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elsa ♡
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PostSubject: Re: ~Ice sisters~ Chapter 1 A very very very SHOCKING THING.   Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:05 am

I like the story-line! I just have a one critique.
1. Maybe try to cut down on run on sentences.

I woke up beaming. "HOO-" I began to shout when my parents glared at me. I mouthed a simple 'Sorry' and started to get ready. My hyper sister, Emma, wailed about some bad dream.
Try like that.
DO NOT CRITIQUE THAT ANYONE I WAS POWER-WRITING :3
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-♥Sweet19971♥-
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Join date : 2011-05-11
Age : 19
Location : Find me :p

PostSubject: Re: ~Ice sisters~ Chapter 1 A very very very SHOCKING THING.   Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:28 am

i like it
it's very cool
can't wait for more I love you
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PostSubject: Re: ~Ice sisters~ Chapter 1 A very very very SHOCKING THING.   Today at 3:42 am

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~Ice sisters~ Chapter 1 A very very very SHOCKING THING.
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