| | Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) | |
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Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Thu Nov 03, 2011 11:34 am | |
| This is story that I was originally writing for a homework assignment that I decided to rewrite and elongate. Please feel free to criticize or make suggestions. Thank you! Note: This story takes place in a parallel world, so no historical corrections! Chosen Spirit
Prologue - Spoiler:
I am Nebti, priestess of Isis, who has sworn to recount this story before I can rest. I died many thousands of years ago, after having lived long in the service of the Great of Heka. But a short while ago, I was rudely awakened by the opening of my tomb.
The robbers took many things, but what they seemed to want most was the books and scrolls with spells contained within them. Because my soul could no longer survive in the Netherworld, I followed the robbers to the land from which they came.
I watched them for a few years, and learned that they were a part of a secret organization known as the Alchemical Society of the Rituals of the Eternal Scarab, or as they colloquially referred to it, the Society.
As I watched the activities of the Society, I noticed that other lost spirits who had similar stories to mine were bound to the Society members and were being forced to aid in performing the rituals in the scrolls and books that had been stolen. I was inflamed by the injustice of this, but we were powerless against the Society until now...
Chapter One - Spoiler:
"Calmer of The Dead, I beg you to listen to me!"
I am now watching the meeting of the members of the Society that is held to determine who will become their next leader. Their leader performs the ritual that keeps us enslaved, and that also grants him great magical power and influence.
The meeting takes place in a large chamber in the mansion that belongs to the leader. it is furnished with Victorian sofas and lamps, Egyptian artifacts, and paintings by old masters. The room smells like incense, old spices, and candle smoke.
The leader sits in a large black mahogany wood chair in the center of the room, with the two candidates seated on each side. The other society members are seated in a semi-circle around him.
One of the possible Calmers of the Dead, a tall woman with bright red hair and an intense, bitter, gaze, is now speaking.
"This child of demons, he..."
"She put a Binding Spell..."
A young boy with dark skin and hair and large, haunted eyes, the other candidate, stands up and speaks nervously. I silently pray that he is chosen, for if he performs the ritual, I and all the other bound ghosts will be able to rest in peace.
"Silence!"
The former leader stands up, sweating and visibly frustrated. He is bald, with copper skin and black spectacles.
"I will hear no more baseless accusations! Helena, Michael, seat yourselves. I will hear each of your sides, but you will not speak of or to each-other in the process, understand? Good. You may begin, Helena.
Helena takes a deep breath, and stares resentfully at Adam.
"Adam Renaldt, Calmer of the Dead, have I not served you well enough, for 24 years out of my life? Have you no recollection of when I rescued your feeble...excuse me sir, your aging soul from the depths of the Netherworld last year? Am I not, if I do say so myself, the best ritual caster in the Society besides yourself, obviously? If what I have said is true in your mind, why do even consider this little boy..."
A vein twitches on Adam's head, and he raises his eyebrows menacingly.
"I thought I made it very clear that you were not to reference the other candidate in your case! Also, I do not enjoy my soul being referred to as "feeble", even in a hushed and quickly corrected tone! I will consider the points you have brought up, but I will advise you to tread carefully in my presence from now on! Now, Michael! You may speak."
"Ah, I'm sorry sir, I realize that I am still quite inexperienced in the casting of rituals...but I think that the ghosts will listen to me if I try. I've been able to do this since I was a baby...I think it's because I almost died and became one of them, because of an accident back then. Er, I think I'll be able to learn the ritual and do it well if i just try my best. Thank you for listening to me sir."
"Thank you Michael. We will now put this to a vote. all who wish to speak may at this point. A young woman with hair and skin of the same shade as Michael stands. She looks very anxious, but she tries to send comforting glances in Michael's direction.
"Mr. Renaldt, my cousin spoke truthfully. If you would forgive me for saying this, I have seen Helena Ruanni making the gestures of the Binding Spell near Michael, while staring at him. I believe that my cousin's power is what is most needed for the ritual. Please put your faith in him. That is all I have to say."
She slumps back into her seat with a barely audible sigh of relief. To another young woman sitting next to her, she says:
"Although I know that he must become the Calmer of The Dead, the danger...just seems too great for one that young."
Prologue - Chapter Two - Spoiler:
I sense a strong affinity for my goddess in the girl who has just spoken. She is one of the few who have recieved a fragment of her soul after the death of the Golden Age. I will watch her closely. Shortly after I died, I became aware of a ancient secret: the gods of Egypt were a part of an ancient race that died during the end of the Golden Age, for the world became to corrupted for their souls to exist on this dimension. The souls crystallized and shattered, and lodged themselves within the bodies of the new race, humans. The soul fragments jumped from generation to generation, affecting the course of human history. Perhaps, someday, the Elder Ones will be reborn. But during my reminiscing, I have now forgotten to observe this fateful meeting. Let us return...
Chapter Two - Spoiler:
The Society members are waiting, some patiently, others not at all so, for Adam to speak again. Sighs and clouds of worried thoughts fill the spice-scented air. Finally, Adam calls:
"Who will speak next?"
Several Society members raise their hand. Adam points to older man with dark brown hair and a beard tinged with grey. The man has the glyph meaning "knowledge" on his forehead.
"I am aware that Lady Helena Ruanni has served as an invaluable member of our society for a very long time, and has proved herself adept in navigating the Netherworld. But I have tested young Michael personally, and I have found him to have a rare gift that must be weighted greatly and cannot be ignored. But still, because of her seniority and proven skill, I must vote in favor of Helena."
The older man sits down, and Adam points to a woman who appears to be barely middle-aged. She is tall and has ash-blonde hair in a tight bun. She says:
"I have many grievances aginst Lady Helena. She has fought and poisoned her way to the top ranks of the Society; why would you trust someone like her in a position of leadership? Michael may be young, but he has a good heart, a strong soul, and many useful talents. I will vote for him."
The rest of the rest of the Society members each speak in turn, while Adam records their votes with a red quill on a piece of parchment. The scratchings of his pen and indignant muttering are heard along with the loudly-voiced votes of the Society members. When they are finished, Adam says:
"Now that you have expressed your opinions and given your votes, I will now announce the new holder of the position of Calmer of The Dead."
Adam stares at the piece of parchment, raises his eyebrows, takes a drink of water, and looks at it again. Finally, he clears his throat and says:
"It appears that we have an equal amount of voters in favor of Helena and voters in favor of Michael. We must have some sort of tie-breaker. I confess to have no ideas. Anyone?
Helena has a triumphant look on her face. She stands and says:
"How about this, Calmer of the Dead? A battle of wills! Michael and I travel to the Netherworld and whoever stays there longest earns the position! This will will prove whose skills are most appropriate to the situation!"
Adam considers her a idea for a few minutes, his somber facial expression changing from confused, to determined, to confused again every now and then. Finally, he slowly says:
"That seems...a reasonable course of action. Are there any objections?
The face of the girl with the spirit of Isis is now almost completely white, her hands are clenched on her lap. She almost radiates anger and fear, her emotions projected to me by the power of the soul fragment.
"Master Renaldt! You cannot allow this to happen! He is only twelve! What kind of monster would allow a boy of that age to enter the Netherworld, alone except for a dangerous rival! I will not just sit and let this go on!"
Fury is written upon every line of Adam Renaldt's face. A sepia-coloured sigil appears on the palm of his upraised hand, and with a rush of magical force, despite my efforts to shield her, the girl is knocked to the ground.
"Juanita Hawkins, you will not interfere!"
She pulls herself up from the ground and back into her chair with great effort, and appears to be in some pain. Adam's spell was strong.
I decide to make myself visible and audible, but only to Juanita.
She is obviously shocked and frightened at my appearance, but I can tell that she recognized me as a friend. It might be the soul fragment reacting to my status as priestess of Isis...?
"Who...are you?"
She speaks tentatively. I explain to her who I am and why I am here while the Society carrries on a heated discussion on whether or not to allow the candidates to hold the contest in the Netherworld. She nods as I speak, with grave attention. The color is slowly returning to her face. When I am finished, she says:
"Thank you, Priestess. I have only one favor to ask of you. I am not a member of this Society, and I have no ritual casting ability. Please take me to the Netherworld so that I may protect my cousin. I will not let him go there alone. Please help me, Priestess."
I agree to help her follow Michael into the Netherworld. Already, the Society is preparing the ritual to send Helena and Michael into the Netherworld. Just in time, I remember a ritual to will allow Juanita to attach her soul to Michael's, to allow her to watch and protect him. In order to do this, Juanita must find a white candle, a lock of Michael's hair, an amulet, a black feather, and a goblet of blood, half her own and half Michael's. She has only an hour before the Society's Gate Spell is complete.
Chapter Three - Spoiler:
Hello, my name is Juanita Hawkins. I am almost sixteen years old. . My father works as a museum curator, my mother as a professor of mathematics at the nearby college. Michael and I are alone for most of the day. Michael is like a little brother to me, although he is actually my cousin. When Michael's parents disappeared when he was baby, he was sent to live with us.
Last year, some strange people came to out home and offered to let Michael learn at their Private College for Children With Special Talents. I had a bad feeling about them; their presence sent chills up my spine, like there was something else that came with them. Their eyes were haunted and cruel-looking. They spoke to my parents about their private college for a long time, and finally, they agreed to enroll Michael there.
I didn't like the way Michael looked when he came back from that school; he was exhausted, and his eyes looked strange, like the people that had offered to teach him. I asked him several times to drop out, but he told me that he was needed there. He brought many wierd objects to do his homework with, and strange sounds and smells came from his room when he did it.
One day, a few weeks ago, I worked up the courage to search Michael's room while he was school. Michael had not let me into his room, even to clean it, for the past few months. The mess was incredible, but I tried to ignore it as I cleared some of it away in order to look for clues as to what Michael was doing at school.
Beneath the mess on the floor, there were burnt areas in the shape of a pentacle; under the bed and in his trunk were boxes full of strange ingredients whose nature I did not want to know. On his desk were candles of various colours and amulets that looked like the ones in the museum that my father works for. Also on his desk was a pile of large books that had titles in Latin: Ars Magica, Malleus Maleficarum, and many more. I could understand these because I took Latin at my school. I picked up Ars Magica and tried to read it, but it was written in some sort of strange script that I had never seen before. The rest of the books were the same. Beneath the books, however, there was a letter, which appeared to be written in plain English. It read:
Dear Mr. Hawkins,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as a candidate for the position of Calmer Of The Dead. The meeting will be held at Renaldt's mansion, at 2 Woodbine Street. Come at exactly ten'o'clock in the evening on Friday the thirteenth of October. Burn this letter if you cannot hide it effectively.
Sincerely, The A.S.R.E.S The 2nd of October, 1927
When I finished reading the letter, I heard footsteps beyond the door to the room, then the knob turning...
Chapter Four - Spoiler:
Michael swung open the door, which hit the wall loudly and fell loose from it's hinge. His face was burning with fury, but most frightening of all were his eyes, now with pupils that were just pale shadows that floated on his irises. He strode across the room, grabbed my hand, took the letter, and shredded it rapidly. His hand was ice-cold, and his grip was tighter than any normal person's should have been. His voice was harsh, as cold as his hands, and did not sound remotely human.
"What did you read?"
"I'm sorry Michael! Please forgive me!"
"Did you read it?"
"Michael, why did you hide this from me? What's happened to you?"
For a fraction of second, Michael's pupils appear again, and his expression softens. He then speaks in his own voice, although it is low and cracked.
"I can't let you know what happens at my school. They said they would kill you if I did.But you found out anyway..."
"Just tell me Michael."
Michael takes a deep breath, and his voice loses it's cracked quality. He appears to steel himself for what he is about to say next.
"At my...school, I learn about...a kind of magic. I was doing very well at it, and one day, my teachers told me that they needed me for something important. I was very proud of myself, and I agreed to train with them to be able to peform a special ritual. I knew I was starting feel sort of ill from doing this, but I didn't care then. Finally, I got that letter there..."
Michael stares apprehensively at the shredded paper crumpled in his fist.
"I have to go there. And see whether I was...chosen. If I'm chosen, I'll just perform the ritual for them, and then I'll drop out. If I'm not chosen, I will drop out right away, I promise. But it's important that I do this. I don't even care about my school anymore! But I do have to do this. I was told to...by my dad...a long time ago."
"Michael..."
We are silent for a while. Michael has never told me anything about his parents before. I can't make Michael break a promise he made to his dad. Neither can I let a twelve-year-old do something that dangerous alone. So I've decided on going with him. Michael is reluctant, but he agrees to set up a fake profile for in me in his school as a powerful sorceror guest who has come out of interest in the leadership processes of other schools.
We go there tomorrow. I desperately hope that he is not chosen, so he will be safe. But somewhere in the furthest reaches of my thoughts, I believe that he must be chosen.
Chapter Five - Spoiler:
The ghost has told me what I must find. Only an hour...maybe that's enough time? I look around the chamber. It is largely empty, with only chairs, paintings, large vases, and sarcophagi. Over the fireplace on the right wall, there is a mantlepiece with various objects that Michael had told me were "focii". They were crucial in certain rituals, but were never used otherwise. But I might be able to use them.
I examine the focii; there is a mirror, an hourglass, a sword, a crown, a coin, and a crystal goblet. I take the crystal goblet, and pull out the kitchen knife I had stowed in my pocket. After a full minute's hesitation, I slit my wrist. I feel light-headed for a few minutes, but I manage to let enough blood drip into the goblet to fill it half-way Now I had half of one of the components for the ritual.
Still dizzy from the shock of cutting myself. I fell backwards into a sarcophagus, and with a terrible noise, it fell open to the ground. Quickly, I climbed inside and shut the opening. For five horrible minutes, I lay in dead silence in the pitch darkness, but much to my relief, no one came down the stairs to investigate.
When I climbed out, I noticed that it's contents had fallen out onto the floor. It had no mummified occupant, but there were packets and boxes and bags of ritual reagents. I carefully searched them, and found a half-burnt white candle that looked usable. I also took a jar of a salve labelled "For Blade Wounds", and applied a dab of it to my wrist. I put the jar in my pocket with the knife. I then rearranged the reagents and placed them back in the sarcophagus.
The only components I had yet to find were: a piece of hematite, a black feather, a stick of incense. I had no idea where I would find these things, so I had no choice but to explore the mansion. I also needed to obtain half a cup of Michael's blood, but I had planned to find him last.
There were two doors and a spiral staircase in the room. The staircase I assumed led up to the tower, because that was where the Michael and the Society members had gone. One of the doors led to a corridor that ended in the door that let out into the courtyard. I had entered the mansion from there, so there was no reason to explore that area. My only option was to investigate the other door.
This door was not as elaborately decorated as the one that led to the entrance corridor, but it had two statues of gargoylesque creatures sitting at each side of the doorframe. One had an expression of fury, the other had one of sinister laughter. As I walked though the doorway, a red light sprung between the statues witha crackle and a scent of ozone. Threre was a low, crumbling sound, and the eyes of the gargoyles turned the same burning red colour as the energy field. The gargoyle with the furious face speaks with a voice that sounds like large granite boulders rubbing against each-other in an earthquake far beneath my feet.
"You shall not pass!"
The other gargoyle with the laughing face then says:
"Oh he loves human literature, don't you, Smulgoff?"
Smulgoff shouts indignantly:
"Shut up, Skarung! Or I'll rip that smirk off your idiotic hematite face" Skarung says, unfazed:
"Ignoring the obsidian buffoon, you must answer our riddle. I know, I know, it's ridiculously cliche. Smulgoff's idea. I suggested a lightsaber duel, but Obstinate Obsidian..."
"GHRAAAAGHH!! Skarung!"
"Anyway, if you answer Smulgoff's precious riddle, we'll let you in. Master thought Smulgoff's idea was splendid, the cherry-picker! Go on, Smulgoff..."
Smulgoff cleared his gravelly throat and stares ominously.
"This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town, And beats high mountain down. "
Before I could even try to think, Skarung said with a long-suffering tone:
"No, you plagiarizer! Be original for once!"
"But I can't..."
" Then use a traditional one...Gargh! Just let me do it...What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?"
I was never very good at riddles. The dizziness come back, and the words echo over and over in my head for several minutes, like a wierd, repetitive song. Once in a minute, twice in a moment, once in a minute, twice in a moment, once in a mom...
"M-O-M-E..."
I mutter the letters slowly. Suddenly, it hits me. Once in a minute, twice in a a moment, never in a thousand years...!
" It's the letter "M"!"
I speak with cautious confidence. Suddenly, the low, rumbling sound, ocurred agaim, but this time much louder, The gargoyles begin to solidify into pure stone again. Smulgoff and Skarung try to continue their argument in vain.
"I told you that my riddle was better! Yours was stupid! The letter "M"?!" "But it was traditional! Why couldn't we have a done a lightsab...?"
Crunch! Thir eyes are now a mottled grey like the rest of bodies, and they neither move or speak. I use my knife to cut a chip from Skarung, the hematite gargoyle. Now I have two and a half of the five components. I step forward into the corridor beyond.
Chapter Six - Spoiler:
Along the many corrdors of the mansion, I walk swiftly, looking about for signs of the components I have yet to find. So far I have had no luck. I have but half an hour left before the Society's ritual is complete.
Statues and paintings with unnerving faces leer at me as I walk past, but I steel myself to ignore them. Most of the rooms in the mansion are empty, with furniture covered in white sheets and bare, dusty walls. Otherwise, they are locked strongly. I try picking them with my hairpin, but whever I try to insert the pin in the lock, it is repelled as if there were an invisible magnetic force.
The dusty, ancient. smell of tobacco and old furniture, what remains of the lightheadedness, and intense worry all twist together and combine. I feel ill, and many times I must fight hard to resist the overpowering urge to just collapse and rest a while.
Finally, I enter an area that appears to be the kitchens. After all I have seen and learned, I am not shocked or surprised at the cooking instruments that float about the room, slicing, stirring, and pouring various dishes. But when I reach the center of the room, they all stop their various activities instantly. There is deathly silence.
Just as I move to exit the room out a back door, there is a metallic noise like a sword being drawn from it's sheath. The kitchen knives all point themselves directly at me. They vibrate menacingly, ready to strike. I instinctively fall down to the floor and cover my head and neck with hands. The knives shoot inches above my head with a chilling whistle. There is silence once more.
After a few minutes, I cautiously raise my head and look around. The knives and other instruments have returned to their activities. I slowly pull myself onto me hands and knees, and crawl steadily towards the back door, carefully avoiding the center of the room. The door is unlocked and half open. I push it open all the way, and exit into the fresh air.
I am now in a large garden behind the mansion. Down the path from the door, there is a circle of fruit trees with a marble bench in the center. I gratefully sit down and rest for a while. I know that there is no time to waste like this, but I'm too exhausted and ill to get up.
Several minutes later, feeling much better, I get up from the bench and decide to explore the garden. Suddenly, I hear the whistling noise of another knife being thrown. The sound is too distant to have been aimed at me, but I still twitch at the memory. I walk cautiously in the direction of the sound.
As I walk, I notice several bloodied black feathers. I don't want to know what this means, but I take a feather and walk rapidly onward. Maybe I can save whatever got hit by the knife. Behind a pair of trees, a small black bird, a raven, lies on the sprawled on the ground. Both of it's wings extend at an odd angle, and it's chest is bleeding heavily. The bloodied knife lies a short distance away. I may be too late.
I hear, cold, mocking laughter above me. Startled, I look up. In the window above, in what must be the tower where the Society is, a shadow appears, its owner hidden by a curtain. I stand frozen for a few moments, unt the shadow fades beyond the curtain. Still shaken by what I saw, I gently examine the bird, and wrap it in my sweater. It is still breathing, and appears to be fighting death. I take out the salve for blade wounds that I found in the sarcophagus, and apply it carefully to the chest wound with the edge of my sleeve. I then rip a piece of the same sleeve and bandage the wound tightly. Finally, I place it safely between two branches of a tree.
I have done the best I can for it. I resolve to myself to return as I can. I have only fifteen minutes left. It is now time for me to follow the Society into the tower.
Last edited by Silmaril on Thu Nov 24, 2011 7:43 pm; edited 31 times in total | |
| | | linda99li Regular Fantagian
Posts : 191 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:56 pm | |
| woah woah woah. make it shorter. i voted great | |
| | | Monsterbunny Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1425 Join date : 2010-12-11 Age : 24 Location : Behind you
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:57 pm | |
| nuh uh u didnt i love it but i aint voting for it srry i hate pollss | |
| | | Blackrose Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7338 Join date : 2010-07-20
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:03 pm | |
| - linda99li wrote:
- woah woah woah. make it shorter. i voted great
It's not that big. >.> Some real books are much more longer then that. I'm still reviewing it, I'll tell ya if i think something needs to be fixed. (x | |
| | | linda99li Regular Fantagian
Posts : 191 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:14 pm | |
| well i dont like to read long storys. my fav one that someone made up so far is the pencil with the bear eraser! its soooo good! | |
| | | Blackrose Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7338 Join date : 2010-07-20
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:28 pm | |
| - linda99li wrote:
- well i dont like to read long storys. my fav one that someone made up so far is the pencil with the bear eraser! its soooo good!
it's not that long. When you think about it it's sorta short. >.> | |
| | | Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Thu Nov 03, 2011 7:25 pm | |
| Um, could whoever voted "very bad" please tell me why did so (criticism, personal opinion, etc.)? | |
| | | Monsterbunny Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1425 Join date : 2010-12-11 Age : 24 Location : Behind you
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:04 pm | |
| well i would tell you if i could but idk and anyways it dousnt really matter if people voted bad. If they didnt like it , they didnt like it they dont really have to give an answer for why they put that..just sayin' | |
| | | Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:14 pm | |
| | |
| | | Monsterbunny Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1425 Join date : 2010-12-11 Age : 24 Location : Behind you
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:15 pm | |
| what? why? im just sying. Didnt mean to hurt someone feelins | |
| | | Relora Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776 Join date : 2010-11-30 Age : 26 Location : Define "Location"
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:17 pm | |
| The two people who voted very bad really need to grow up or at least explain why e.e
anyway I for one liked it. I'm a bit to lazy to critique right now though, sorry. | |
| | | Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:19 pm | |
| Thank you! | |
| | | Katie_Forever Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1687 Join date : 2011-06-30 Age : 25 Location : Lala Land :)
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:20 pm | |
| I think its very nice. Im not a good writer though and I dont have alot of expirence so im not gonna critique. But its very nice. | |
| | | Monsterbunny Dedicated Fantagian
Posts : 1425 Join date : 2010-12-11 Age : 24 Location : Behind you
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:20 pm | |
| again, they do not need to explain why | |
| | | Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:20 pm | |
| Okay! I get it now! I never said anyone had to explain, I just said I would really appreciate it if they did! | |
| | | Relora Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776 Join date : 2010-11-30 Age : 26 Location : Define "Location"
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:23 pm | |
| - ♥mjrox♥ wrote:
- again, they do not need to explain why
Well wouldn't you wish for a reason? I mean if they are going to be that rude and unsupportive then they really didn't need to vote at all..... I mean if I was voted as really bad I'd be angry as heck and want to know how to improve. | |
| | | no Passionate Fantagian
Posts : 873 Join date : 2010-09-16 Age : 25 Location : no
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:30 pm | |
| Very nice, although there are a few puncuation mistakes, they aren't very big. Wonderful job, keep writing and always look for writing tips to help you improve. | |
| | | Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:32 pm | |
| Thank you for the tip! I'll edit it later... | |
| | | alex Moderator
Posts : 23507 Join date : 2010-08-10 Age : 24 Location : google maps
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:02 pm | |
| | |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:08 pm | |
| You have good grammar! Honestly, I love it. Good job! 10/10 |
| | | Blackrose Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7338 Join date : 2010-07-20
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:11 pm | |
| Keep on writing! ^^ If you do that your stories my unfold. more. | |
| | | Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Fri Nov 04, 2011 7:41 pm | |
| Thank you so much guys!!! I should be finished with chapter 2 by Monday... | |
| | | Relora Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776 Join date : 2010-11-30 Age : 26 Location : Define "Location"
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Sat Nov 05, 2011 7:09 am | |
| - Silmaril wrote:
- Thank you so much guys!!! I should be finished with chapter 2 by Monday...
okie thanks. Can't wait to see it ^^ | |
| | | Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:12 am | |
| I finished the prologue for Chapter 2!!! It's in the first post. It's somewhat short... | |
| | | Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) Mon Nov 07, 2011 11:13 am | |
| Chapter 2 is out!!! Sorry for double posting... Any suggestions for a title would be much appreciated... Thank you guys!!! | |
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| Subject: Re: Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) | |
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| | | | Chosen Spirit (Chapter 6 is out!) | |
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