Lets just tell you the truth. Don't get mad, but if your turning this in for school, your not going to get a very good grade on it. Use grammar. Basically no capitalization, and if there was, it wasn't in the right place. You need to use quotation marks, otherwise we have no idea what your saying. Seeing as there's not any grammar, We barely DO know what your saying. Spell properly, this is a story not a chat. Here's some examples of what it should have looked like,:
"Hi!" said Bob happily. "Hey Bob, Good to see you!" replied Tom.
See how easy and clear that is? Make sure we can always tell who is talking. Your sentences are not always complete ones either. A complete sentence tells who and what. So if you can't tell WHO is doing it, or can't tell WHAT the thing is doing then its not a proper sentence.
Fries are awesome!
What: are awesome!
Who: Cheese puffs.
Now, don't get mad if this is hard on you. I just want to make sure your not going to get an F or something for a school grade.