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 Moving to LA By Nicki445.

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CakeBossLover
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PostSubject: Moving to LA By Nicki445.   Tue Apr 13, 2010 6:04 pm

This is my new story called Moving To LA.
Chapter 1

Hi I said after i got out of school on Friday to my friend meme.
Hi she said. So you really moved from New York To LA And left you best friend Meme in New York and you Boyfriend just to come here? Yea well its kinda like that i had to move for my Dads job i didn't want to move at all and leave all them behind but i had too! WOW Nicki That's Kinda Sad. Yea I Know!
I wish i didn't have to leave. Well i have to go because i need to walk home. K Bye!
Bye! As I walked home i saw these two girls from are school talking about their boyfriends. I Saw them and then i started thinking of Meme in New York with No Best Friend. I got so upset that i ran home Crying and Ran to the phone and called her and ask Meme ask your parents if you can move to LA With me i miss you i need you. She said ok and ran to her parents to ask them she knew they were going to say no but then she ask and they said Yes we need to move there anyway i thought me and dad told you already! No you never told me. OMG Im so excided be right back! Nicki you there! Yea i'm here! I'm sorry i ask my parents and they said YES!
OMG Really meme! your coming! Yes i am! I'll be there tomrrow because everything is already out of the house!!!!! I'll see you tomrrow! Byeeeeee! meme said Byeeeee! I Said. I Ran to my Mom Saying Mom Guess What!!! Meme is Moving to LA! She Said Oh my Gosh Really I'm so happy! when will they be coming? Tomrrow! Oh said mom........................
_____________________________________________________________________________
What will Happen Chapter 2 will be out maybe tomrrow. This is not a Real Life story I Made it Up! I'm writing it for school.

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Kandi
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PostSubject: Re: Moving to LA By Nicki445.   Tue Apr 13, 2010 6:32 pm

sorry, but I can BARELY understand what you're saying....as far as i know it's a girl who followed her boyfriend to LA....
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McKenna
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PostSubject: Re: Moving to LA By Nicki445.   Tue Apr 13, 2010 6:59 pm

Yea. I mean, you need to add quotes, commas, more periods, exclamation points, etc.

Yah need to edit that..
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S
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PostSubject: Re: Moving to LA By Nicki445.   Tue Apr 13, 2010 7:07 pm

Lets just tell you the truth. Don't get mad, but if your turning this in for school, your not going to get a very good grade on it. Use grammar. Basically no capitalization, and if there was, it wasn't in the right place. You need to use quotation marks, otherwise we have no idea what your saying. Seeing as there's not any grammar, We barely DO know what your saying. Spell properly, this is a story not a chat. Here's some examples of what it should have looked like,:

"Hi!" said Bob happily. "Hey Bob, Good to see you!" replied Tom.

See how easy and clear that is? Make sure we can always tell who is talking. Your sentences are not always complete ones either. A complete sentence tells who and what. So if you can't tell WHO is doing it, or can't tell WHAT the thing is doing then its not a proper sentence.
Ex.
Fries are awesome!

Who: Fries
What: are awesome!

Bad Ex.
Cheese puffs.
Who: Cheese puffs.
What: ?

Now, don't get mad if this is hard on you. I just want to make sure your not going to get an F or something for a school grade.

~2008sarah
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CakeBossLover
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PostSubject: Re: Moving to LA By Nicki445.   Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:10 pm

Oh well umm
its better the one i wrote for school. it has all that stuff i was trying to do it fast cause i had a basketball game in 10 mins so i had to type fast sorry!
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pokeranger
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PostSubject: Re: Moving to LA By Nicki445.   Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:33 pm

The story I don't understand. Who is speaking? What do you mean? Add more punctuation and Details,
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PostSubject: Re: Moving to LA By Nicki445.   Today at 10:58 pm

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