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 Untitled Story

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S
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PostSubject: Untitled Story   Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:58 pm

uh, this is my new story. Uh strong language sometimes, I guess. Uh yeah.

Chapter 1


Spoiler:
 

Uh this is kind of the rough draft of chapter 1, may change soon. I will have Makky look over it, but if you can spot any mistakes please tell me. I caught myself using the wrong homophones a lot, so if you spot any. Thank you! :3 I feel like there might have been a lack of detail in this chapter, but whatever. Also uh it goes to a flash back if you're confused... Y'know when the first ~ mark comes in. I use those a lot, don't even know what they should be properly used for.


Chapter 2

Spoiler:
 


I like to beat up Noble. >: )
I don't think he'll be in too much pain in the next chapters though. I'll move on to Angry, bwahahaha.


Last edited by S on Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:38 pm; edited 6 times in total
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alex
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sat Jan 28, 2012 11:13 pm

I love this. The way you write is just amazing. I'd like to see more. : D

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tumblr / 내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요. ㅡㅅㅡ
thank u elliot for the pic of me n my gf♥
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Mila
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:03 am

so beautiful Sad i love it.Very good ll applauses ll
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o
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:25 am

@s, this mark: ~, I believe, is the about symbol for rounding. You can use it in your rough draft writing, but it's actually for math, lol. ex:

56=~60 (meaning about sixty)

But yeah, everybody uses it for anything but math.

Anyways, great writing! It's very descriptive and detailed.
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Winnowill
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:08 am

I really love both the concept of this story and the way you wrote it. You have an amazing amount of talent for writing. I'd actually like to see this as a novel. c:
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S
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:15 pm

Thanks you guys, ;o
Chapter 2 released.
Unfortunately this will be the last chapter that I get to beat up Noble for a while. -sigh-
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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:20 pm

Spoiler:
 

"I don't know what to do, Noble. I can only sneak what I can for Pretty, but I can't get enough for both of them anymore." She said as she rubbed her fist against her nose and looked up to the sky. Noble turned towards her and looked, his eyes were troubled and his eyebrows were pushed close together as he frowned, but he said nothing. He had never spoken since the day he had arrived. Hmnn, if he doesn't speak, why are they so close? Why is she saying all of this to him? I'll probably find out later, disregard this.
I'll be stopping here for today, but I promise to continuously edit my post.


Good start overall, I can see you are working on the characterisations. Just a bit of an infodump at the beginning. Remember, the introduction is an introduction, and it can be as vague as you want. The introduction is not, however, a lecture!
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S
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:32 pm

Thank you thank you, Makky~ We've been going over commas and that jazz in class, so I have been over thinking just about every sentence, as you can see its really affecting my writing. Anyways thank you for the critique my lovely editor~
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dearheart1
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:36 pm

S wrote:
Thank you thank you, Makky~ We've been going over commas and that jazz in class, so I have been over thinking just about every sentence, as you can see its really affecting my writing. Anyways thank you for the critique my lovely editor~

It's Makki... xP
But good job on the story, and same for explaining to Makki.
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S
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled Story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:42 pm

It's Makky for me Dear, you're about 2 years too late. :p
~~~

Anyways, I believe I will start writing on Google Docs because forumotion isn't saving all the changes I make, and doesn't like when to have multiple breaks. It is also just way easier to edit on Google Docs. Aha. When the next chapter is out I'll post the link to view the document.
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