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 FantageLuvers first story

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Mila
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Posts : 2017
Join date : 2011-09-01

PostSubject: FantageLuvers first story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:29 pm

so i made a story. it is my first posted on here. The characters on the topic i posted is wrong. i am making new characters.Dont get freaked out if i use some ideas from a movie or book. after u read the story, can u help me think of a title? so here it is. please rate
CHAPTER UNO
Spoiler:
 


Last edited by FantageLuver on Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Queen
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Age : 15
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PostSubject: Re: FantageLuvers first story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:46 pm

Pretty good.

Here some things I suggest you do.

- Make a new line every time someone is talking
- Try making paragraphs

I dunno if there's more.
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Mila
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PostSubject: Re: FantageLuvers first story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:48 pm

ok thank you. and i will fix it in the next chapter
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Queen
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PostSubject: Re: FantageLuvers first story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:50 pm

FantageLuver wrote:
ok thank you. and i will fix it in the next chapter

Okay, I like the story so far. \^o^/
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o
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PostSubject: Re: FantageLuvers first story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:53 pm

I think you should work on punctuation, such as:

"WERE MOVING" said Mikayla.

should look like:

"We're moving?!" said Mikayla.

You could italicize instead of caps lock. Also, make sure to put a punctuation mark in words such as let's or we're. Other than that, good job.
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Mila
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PostSubject: Re: FantageLuvers first story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:57 pm

why thank you so much.
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alex
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PostSubject: Re: FantageLuvers first story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 7:13 pm

There's a lack of indentations and punctuation. You should try slowing down and try to explain the plot further.

_________________


tumblr / 내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요. ㅡㅅㅡ
thank u elliot for the pic of me n my gf♥
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Winnowill
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PostSubject: Re: FantageLuvers first story   Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:19 pm

I really like your concept, but as others have already said, your story might be easier to read if you described what was going on a little further and worked on your punctuation and grammar a bit. Otherwise, this is excellent for a first story.
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PostSubject: Re: FantageLuvers first story   Today at 9:34 am

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