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 Time Pass?future? [Preview]

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taehyung
Veteran Fantagian


Posts : 3089
Join date : 2011-07-15
Age : 16
Location : somewhere

PostSubject: Time Pass?future? [Preview]   Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:26 am

Hiya! I'm making a science fiction story! Hope you will enjoy it.


Here is a preview:
 

Do you think its nice for a preview?
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Winnowill
Loyal Fantagian


Posts : 1929
Join date : 2011-10-28

PostSubject: Re: Time Pass?future? [Preview]   Fri Feb 03, 2012 6:50 am

How does your time machine work? What kind of technology are they using and why? I would definitely like to read more of this!
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taehyung
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Age : 16
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PostSubject: Re: Time Pass?future? [Preview]   Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:35 am

Danny And Alex are soo obsessed in science and technology.so there was a science fair they joined it,one of them said to make a time machine it took 1 month and 2 days for them to make it............
you will know more later Wink

Preview of chapter 1:

One Day morning,in a summer breeze were the sun makes you warm,there are two brothers who loves science.
At Lumberbig school,Were these two brothers Danny and Alex,There was news on the news board"Science Fair Contest,Come and join there are prizes! just write your name here,Last day to join is 4 march.The day we will take your projects due April 15." that what written on the board"Lets join!"Alex said to his brother"Ok" He replied.
They both wrote there names,some popular dudes came "Looks like nerds joined the fair haha,you will never win" Camron said smikiring "Who said?are you jealous?im pretty sure your a dumb dude haha"Danny replied to Camron.The dudes went,"Good one Danny"Alex said "High five".They went to the science class
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Flynn
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Join date : 2012-01-14
Age : 17
Location : The gallows

PostSubject: Re: Time Pass?future? [Preview]   Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:35 am

Lumberbig? Lol! Good story preview!
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taehyung
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Posts : 3089
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Age : 16
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PostSubject: Re: Time Pass?future? [Preview]   Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:13 am

haha i know weird xD
Thanks,the chapters will come very late sorry!because im punished i could only use on thurs and fri sorry!
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Relora
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Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 19
Location : Define "Location"

PostSubject: Re: Time Pass?future? [Preview]   Fri Feb 03, 2012 2:11 pm

I see a few mistakes here and there, but I think what you have inside your head will be entertaining to read ^^
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S
Dedicated Fantagian


Posts : 1416
Join date : 2010-02-06
Age : 11
Location : sad town

PostSubject: Re: Time Pass?future? [Preview]   Fri Feb 03, 2012 5:50 pm

I can't say a whole lot since you haven't written much, but spaces after commas and periods please.
No not please, I command you to.
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Usui
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Age : 17
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PostSubject: Re: Time Pass?future? [Preview]   Sat Feb 04, 2012 1:53 pm

Good story I like it so far c:
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