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 Ehh... just a little story.

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MsJoyMaeda
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 5819
Join date : 2010-12-13
Age : 16

PostSubject: Ehh... just a little story.   Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:00 pm

Spoiler:
 


AN EXPLANATION ON HOW I CAME UP WITH THIS STORY:

Last night was an activity night at my school. My sister (Alexis) and her boyfriend (Tim) came to pick me up. Alexis said that we were gonna go to McDonalds on the way home. When we found a parking spot, Alexis asked me if I wanted to come in with them or to stay in the car. I wanted to stay in the car. When they got out of the car, that's when I started coming up with this story. I used what was happening around me and what I was doing. I took all the puzzle pieces, arranged them, and then ta da! A story!




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Golden-Star
Loyal Fantagian


Posts : 1818
Join date : 2012-01-13
Age : 103
Location : My Candy Love Academy

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:22 pm

Great story!
Just lower down your run-ons and fragments
In otherwise, 9/10
Is there another chapter?
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MsJoyMaeda
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 5819
Join date : 2010-12-13
Age : 16

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:25 pm

*** Swag Down Pack *** wrote:
Great story!
Just lower down your run-ons and fragments
In otherwise, 9/10
Is there another chapter?

Well, no. It was more of a short story. But maybe I can come up with another chapter if you want me to.
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Golden-Star
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Posts : 1818
Join date : 2012-01-13
Age : 103
Location : My Candy Love Academy

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:30 pm

.D

oh yah
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MsJoyMaeda
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 5819
Join date : 2010-12-13
Age : 16

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:34 pm

*** Swag Down Pack *** wrote:
.D

oh yah

Okay. I will come up with the next chapter tomorrow, considering I am making my own animated dance in Mikumikudance.
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Golden-Star
Loyal Fantagian


Posts : 1818
Join date : 2012-01-13
Age : 103
Location : My Candy Love Academy

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:48 pm

okay .D
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Winnowill
Loyal Fantagian


Posts : 1929
Join date : 2011-10-28

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:05 am

This was quite well written. You really captured the feeling of a memory, that;s an awesome skill to have as a writer. Your description is impressive...
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Alyssa:)
Senior Fantagian


Posts : 404
Join date : 2011-09-01
Age : 18
Location : United States

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:42 am

9/10
Pretty good! I like all the descriptive words & the setting.
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troller mcloller
Regular Fantagian


Posts : 226
Join date : 2012-03-17
Age : 19
Location : no

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:14 am

10/10

theres nothing bad in that xD
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Flynn
Legendary Fantagian


Posts : 12278
Join date : 2012-01-14
Age : 17
Location : The gallows

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:22 am

9/10. It's a little short, but really good! Smile
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Misty Life
Regular Fantagian


Posts : 150
Join date : 2012-03-13
Age : 13
Location : I'll tell you later, I'm eating a cookie

PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:38 pm

9.5/10 its really good actually:3
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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Today at 1:03 am

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Ehh... just a little story.
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