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 My Heart~

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♠Luka♠
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Posts : 196
Join date : 2012-04-11
Age : 15
Location : Candy Land sugar street city- Cocoa Cotton

PostSubject: My Heart~   Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:16 pm

Just a story I wrote^__^
I googled the french names
Not finished yet.

__________________________

Chapter 1- Same As Always

Spoiler:
 


Chapter 2- Dreadful Flames

Spoiler:
 


*Roux is Scarlet's last name.*

Chapter 3- Could It Really Be!?

Spoiler:
 

Not finished chapter 3 :3



Last edited by ♠Luka♠ on Tue May 08, 2012 11:45 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Abstract
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PostSubject: Re: My Heart~   Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:20 pm

I like it so far. C: But there is a sentence, the second to last, "I (was) about" should be fixed. Since this is in chapters, you are continuing it, correct? Nice going.
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♠Luka♠
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Age : 15
Location : Candy Land sugar street city- Cocoa Cotton

PostSubject: Re: My Heart~   Tue May 08, 2012 10:37 pm

Abstract wrote:
I like it so far. C: But there is a sentence, the second to last, "I (was) about" should be fixed. Since this is in chapters, you are continuing it, correct? Nice going.

I fixed it. My computers getting kinda laggy-_-
But I am continuing it.

EDIT!

Chapter 2 is finished!
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alex
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PostSubject: Re: My Heart~   Tue May 08, 2012 10:53 pm

Just then my sister Madeliene, woke me up.
"SCARLET!! Wake up!!" I groaned. "What do you want?"
I asked. "Go flush down the toilet! Its too dirty!" Shouted
Madeliene. "Can't you do anything yourself?!" I said.

Did this change point of view? It says the narrator's sister woke her up, then changed to first person view? Sorry, I'm a little confused. It's nice, so far. ^^ I would love to see it continued.

_________________


tumblr / 내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요. ㅡㅅㅡ
thank u elliot for the pic of me n my gf♥
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♠Luka♠
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Posts : 196
Join date : 2012-04-11
Age : 15
Location : Candy Land sugar street city- Cocoa Cotton

PostSubject: Re: My Heart~   Tue May 08, 2012 11:20 pm

Zuko wrote:
Just then my sister Madeliene, woke me up.
"SCARLET!! Wake up!!" I groaned. "What do you want?"
I asked. "Go flush down the toilet! Its too dirty!" Shouted
Madeliene. "Can't you do anything yourself?!" I said.

Did this change point of view? It says the narrator's sister woke her up, then changed to first person view? Sorry, I'm a little confused. It's nice, so far. ^^ I would love to see it continued.

I'll fix that:) Right now I'm working on chapter 3.
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PostSubject: Re: My Heart~   Today at 9:22 am

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My Heart~
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