| | Nicki's Words!!! | |
| | Author | Message |
---|
CakeBossLover Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1772 Join date : 2010-02-15 Age : 24 Location : In The Wonderful Fantagain World!
| Subject: Nicki's Words!!! Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:08 am | |
| Here it is!! - Spoiler:
Chapter 1 Nicki Nicki was a country girl she has always been she had long blonde hair that she always had up in a pony-tail so she could clean. She helped her mother all day cleaning and making food to store in the winter and just to make it for breakfast, lunch or dinner she had a little brother named Michael and he was always outside with there dad helping with the farm and other things that the men worked on. Nicki always wished she could go help her dad and brother but she wasn’t aloud her mom always said “Nicki I have told you millions of times that your father and your brother do different things then us because they are men and they need to do that now why don’t you want to help me? Nicki always sits there in silence in till her mother says Now come on Nicki you need to help me make breakfast! We are making eggs and bacon today because that’s your favorite!
Chapter 2 A long hard working day After Nicki and her Mother make breakfast Nicki rings the big bell outside so she can get her father and brother’s attention then they start to walk in to eat a lovely breakfast. After they eat the go back out Nicki cleans up breakfast and goes up to her room to finish writing her story called Nicki’s Words in the story she wants to tell everyone one something but she doesn’t know what she wants to tell. She thinks and thinks then she writes down That Woman should be able to go and work outside if they want to. Then Nicki buts her journal away and walks to go outside. When she gets there she goes to get her horse Coco. She hops on him and they ride away down the fields Nicki always loves going on her horse! They ride down to where the Mayor works the Mayor loves Nicki so she knows that she can go talk to him. She goes in and said Hello sir I have a question. May I have make a announcement to the citizen’s of Apple Valley?………
Chapter 3 Her Words “Yes Nicki you can but what are you going to talk about?” “Oh I to be able to go outside and help my father and brother outside.” “Now Nicki you know that that’s a men job!! Woman do things like clean, wash clothes and cook. Nicki we all know that you are a amazing cook so I don’t know why you want to go help you dad!” ( Nicki turns real red) “Sir may I still ask?” “If you want to but I have to do some work now and I know you need to go help your mother.” “Good Bye Sir!! I’ll see you tomorrow!!” “See you tomorrow Nicki!” Nicki walks outside and gets on her horse and goes to the market. “Hello Sir how are you?” “I’m fine thank you Nicki what are you looking for today?” “Oh today I’m going to look for myself!!” As she walks around she looks at her list it says: milk, sugar and butter. She wondered what her and her mother were making today. She got her stuff and went to the counter to check out. “Here you go sir!” “$ 1.00 please!” Nicki gives him a dollar, takes her stuff and walks out to her horse. Then she’s on her way home when she get’s home her mother asks for the stuff she gives it to her and they start cooking. They are making a cake a white cake and then still need to make frosting so Nicki works on the frosting as her mother works on the cake Nicki starts to tell her mom about the thing she was going to do tomorrow but then she’s scared………..
| |
| | | pokeranger Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5454 Join date : 2010-01-29 Age : 25 Location : Loading...
| Subject: Re: Nicki's Words!!! Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:54 am | |
| Argh... Can I show the rewritten work in my words? - Spoiler:
Chapter 1 Nicki Nicki was a country girl. She has always been. She had long, blonde hair that she always had up in a pony-tail so she could clean. She helped her mother all day cleaning and making food to store in the winter and just to make it for breakfast, lunch, or dinner she had a little brother named Michael and he was always outside with there dad helping with the farm and other things that the men worked on. Nicki always wished she could go help her dad and brother but she wasn’t aloud her mom always said, “Nicki I have told you millions of times that your father and your brother do different things then us because they are men and they need to do that! Now why don’t you want to help me?" Nicki always sits there in silence until her mother says, "Now come on Nicki, you need to help me make breakfast! We are making eggs and bacon today because that’s your favorite!"
Chapter 2 A long hard working day After Nicki and her Mother make breakfast, Nicki rings the big bell outside so she can get her father and brother’s attention, then they start to walk in to eat a lovely breakfast. After they eat, they go back out. Nicki cleans up breakfast and goes up to her room to finish writing her story called Nicki’s Words. In the story she wants to tell everyone something, but she doesn’t know what she wants to tell. She thinks and thinks, then she writes down. That woman should be able to go and work outside if they want to. Then, Nicki buts her journal away and walks to go outside. When she gets there, she goes to get her horse, Coco. She hops on him and they ride away down the fields. Nicki always loves going on her horse! They ride down to where the Mayor works. Nicki love the mayor and she can go talk to him. She goes in and says, "Hello sir, I have a question. May I make an announcement to the citizens of Apple Valley?………"
Chapter 3 Her Words “Yes Nicki you can but what are you going to talk about?” “Oh, that women will able to go outside and help the men work.” she told him “Now Nicki you know that that’s a men's job!! Woman do things like clean, wash clothes and cook." he said. "Nicki we all know that you are an amazing cook so I don’t know why you want to go help your dad!” Nicki turned red. “Sir, may I still ask?” “If you want to, but I have to do some work now, and I know you need to go help your mother.” he told her. “Good bye, sir!! I’ll see you tomorrow!!” “See you tomorrow, Nicki!” he says. Nicki walks outside, gets on her horse, and goes to the market. “Hello, sir how are you?” she asks. “I’m fine! Thank you, Nicki! What are you looking for today?” he asks. “Oh today, I’m going to look around for myself!” As she walks around, she looks at her list. It says: milk, sugar and butter. She wondered what her and her mother were making today. She got the items she was to buy and went to the counter to check out. “Here you go sir!” “$ 1.00 please!” he says. Nicki gives him a dollar, takes her stuff, and walks out to her horse. Then she’s on her way home. When she get’s home, her mother asks for the stuff. She gives it to her and they start cooking. They are making a cake, a white cake and then still need to make frosting. So Nicki works on the frosting as her mother works on the cake. Nicki starts to tell her mom about the thing she was going to do tomorrow. But then she’s scared...
You have a lot of spelling mistakes, a lot of puncuation, and how you use the words. Try to work on it more. I corrected some for you. Or at least all I can find | |
| | | CakeBossLover Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1772 Join date : 2010-02-15 Age : 24 Location : In The Wonderful Fantagain World!
| Subject: Re: Nicki's Words!!! Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:39 am | |
| Thanks Pokie!!, I think I'm not going to write anymore story's in till I become a better speller and better at punctuation. I all ways have to use spell check xD! Well thanks again!! ~Nicki445! | |
| | | Trash Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1685 Join date : 2010-01-31 Age : 25
| Subject: Re: Nicki's Words!!! Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:50 am | |
| Nice story so far! But @ the first chapter when you mention your brother, that starts another sentence. Good luck! | |
| | | CakeBossLover Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1772 Join date : 2010-02-15 Age : 24 Location : In The Wonderful Fantagain World!
| Subject: Re: Nicki's Words!!! Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:03 pm | |
| Thanks Ary!!! LOL I know I'm not the best story writer lol! | |
| | | pokeranger Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5454 Join date : 2010-01-29 Age : 25 Location : Loading...
| Subject: Re: Nicki's Words!!! Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:06 pm | |
| - nicki445 wrote:
- Thanks Pokie!!,
I think I'm not going to write anymore story's in till I become a better speller and better at punctuation. I all ways have to use spell check xD! Well thanks again!! ~Nicki445! Lol! Yeah... But it's always. Not all ways in your sentence above. Start spell check | |
| | | CakeBossLover Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1772 Join date : 2010-02-15 Age : 24 Location : In The Wonderful Fantagain World!
| Subject: Re: Nicki's Words!!! Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:14 pm | |
| Yes Mam! * slingshots to spell check* | |
| | | v Moderator
Posts : 9590 Join date : 2010-02-07 Age : 24
| Subject: Re: Nicki's Words!!! Thu Jun 17, 2010 2:18 pm | |
| Nice! Can't wait for more! :3 | |
| | | Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: Nicki's Words!!! | |
| |
| | | | Nicki's Words!!! | |
|
Similar topics | |
|
| Permissions in this forum: | You cannot reply to topics in this forum
| |
| |
| Copyright Notice | All images & videos are copyright Fantage.com, Inc. Fantage Forum does not own any Fantage designs, images, videos, pictures, etc. |
Who is online? | In total there are 4 users online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 4 Guests :: 1 Bot None Most users ever online was 343 on Wed May 26, 2021 11:04 pm |
|