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o Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270 Join date : 2011-11-11 Age : 23
| Subject: untitled story Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:32 am | |
| so yeah i just started this story! it doesn't have a title yet, but here's the first chapter if you want to read it! - Chapter 1:
Chapter 1
The sky hung low on that summer's afternoon, almost as if to surround all who walked upon the ground in a perpetual state of blue. Blue. It was such a magical color to Aeryn. She turned her head to see her friend, Landon, walking beside her, as on most occasions like this one. Why did everyone assume that boys and girls couldn’t speak openly to each other about how they feel? Aeryn always knew she could trust him with anything on her mind. Life had been that way for the past five years. In fact, at this very moment, she had a thought stirring in her mind that simply urged to be said. Say it to anyone else and you’ll be looked upon as a freak, she thought. But Landon would listen and understand, she was sure of it. “Hey, Landon, can I ask you something?” she began. He stopped walking, and Aeryn followed suite. All around them was a peaceful, relaxed neighborhood. Leaves in the trees rustled, and the old stop sign at the corner of the block swayed as it often did in the wind. The houses were white with green lawns; clearly inhabited. Although there was a sort of absence in the air, as if nobody was really home. The gray, faded asphalt of the street marked an emptiness that both both Aeryn and her friend could feel. In a way, they were all alone. Landon replied, “You just did.” Aeryn smiled slightly at that. Abruptly, she straightened her face once more. “Seriously, Landon, I’ve got something to say.” “Well then, go on.” “You see, and this is probably going to sound like an odd thing to say, but don’t you ever confuse your dreams with real life? Like, there’s this one dream I had that when I think about it, it’s almost as if it was from real life; as if it’s so vivid in my mind, it maybe really happened.” “Some dreams are so clear in your mind that they become part of your memory.” “Yes, but I don’t see why I would remember this dream, of all dreams. There’s nothing truly significant about it, and it happened so long ago! Why, it was just a regular summer’s day with you and I at the pool together.” “If it’s so real to you, then how can you be sure it’s a dream, and it didn’t actually happen?” “I think it’s because I could control what happened during the dream. I wanted desperately for something specific to happen right then and there, and it did. My wish came true.” “You know, Aeryn, wishes do come true in real life. You can control the outcome of your future.” “I know, but-” she sighed. “Oh, nevermind. In a few years from now, I’ll forget about the memory anyway.”
tell me what you guys think of it so far! thanks <3 | |
| | | flower Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7482 Join date : 2012-12-20 Age : 22
| Subject: Re: untitled story Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:07 am | |
| I really like this. I only have one small critique that is optional:
Maybe you can try to write in present tense?
Anyways, its really good! 9/10 | |
| | | o Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270 Join date : 2011-11-11 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: untitled story Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:48 pm | |
| - Soul Gem wrote:
- I really like this. I only have one small critique that is optional:
Maybe you can try to write in present tense?
Anyways, its really good! 9/10 thank you! but present tense isn't exactly a critique, as a lot of authors have written in past tense (even though present tense is a bit more popular now), but i can see how it's your preference and i understand! i just prefer to write in past tense because i find it less awkward for me. however, i'll try to write some other stories in present tense! | |
| | | flower Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7482 Join date : 2012-12-20 Age : 22
| Subject: Re: untitled story Tue Mar 12, 2013 2:02 pm | |
| - blu wrote:
- Soul Gem wrote:
- I really like this. I only have one small critique that is optional:
Maybe you can try to write in present tense?
Anyways, its really good! 9/10 thank you! but present tense isn't exactly a critique, as a lot of authors have written in past tense (even though present tense is a bit more popular now), but i can see how it's your preference and i understand! i just prefer to write in past tense because i find it less awkward for me. however, i'll try to write some other stories in present tense! Oh, I know how you feel! I usually write in past tense ALL the time. I like it better, I don't know why though | |
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