Fantage Forum
Welcome to the Fantage Forum.


Fantage Cheats, Secrets, Glitches, Info & Help.
 
HomeSearchRegisterLog in


Share
 

 My first story I guess... Miranda<3

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Miranda2
Dedicated Fantagian
Miranda2

Posts : 1319
Join date : 2012-08-25
Age : 18
Location : My own little corner of the world

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptyFri Sep 13, 2013 6:22 pm

Well uh, I guess you should read it. Uhm time for the fun part: Disclaimers: I do not support this kind of life and not wish it on anyone of you. I don't condone what she does. If you have a problem take it up with me.
I know where this story is going and if you say I'm copying from a book I will deny that statement.
How Celina looks:
 
I made a Title~
The diary of how I became famous:
 


Last edited by Miranda<3 on Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:25 am; edited 6 times in total
Back to top Go down
http://ladymirandam.tumblr.com/
flandre
Expert Fantagian
flandre

Posts : 2166
Join date : 2013-01-01
Age : 17
Location : why do you even care?

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptyFri Sep 13, 2013 7:27 pm

I love it!

This reminds me of dork diaries. In the first book Nikki didnt want a dairy and always has issues with her life.
Back to top Go down
Relora
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 22
Location : Define "Location"

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptyFri Sep 13, 2013 7:29 pm

Just a few grammatical and syntax errors, but it sounds interesting c:

I like it!
Back to top Go down
Primrose
Ultimate Fantagian
Primrose

Posts : 8310
Join date : 2011-08-27
Age : 16
Location : District 12

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptyFri Sep 13, 2013 7:47 pm

I don't like it very much. No offense. But, here's a tip -
write in a chatty, informal style. in diaries, you will unlikely find these symbols " ". Also, diary writing can be hard. There is no narrator, you write the story. But you can't be detailed. Another thing about diary writing is that you can add in comments or thoughts that you wouldn't dare say out loud. For example -
Normal writing - Marie ran down the stairs lazily, carrying her book in her hand as she walked down step by step. "So, honey, did you like your birthday gift?" Her mother asked, curiously, with her eyes glowing innocently. "Not at all mom." Marie answered. She was clearly not in the mood. "Why the heck would she give me a diary? It's just a stupid book, all in blank." She thought to herself angrily. "Why not?" Her mother asked. She seemed to whimper like a puppy. Marie hated those puppy eyes. "Because it's a stupid book, alright?" Marie yelled as she stormed out of the room.
Diary writing - Today I was walking down the stairs, early in the morning, before school. My mom asked me if I liked my birthday gift. Which in this case, is you. My stupid, dumb, useless diary. I said no. I was not in the mood. The opposite, in fact. I thought about my diary. A stupid book with 301 blank pages. My mom then asked me why I didn't like it. With those puppy eyes. I hate those innocent puppy eyes. I said it was a stupid book. I yelled it out as I ran out of the house.

You can see the difference. Imagine it was your own diary. You can't remember every single detail of the day. Many things happen, and near the end of the day you aren't able to remember all of them. Also, fix spelling, grammar and all of that stuff.
Back to top Go down
http://creativecloud.forummotion.com/
Miranda2
Dedicated Fantagian
Miranda2

Posts : 1319
Join date : 2012-08-25
Age : 18
Location : My own little corner of the world

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 10:01 am

@Homura Thanks I'll try to keep writting it
@Relora I'm learning about grammar in school now so I guess as the year goes on I'll fix some things
@Primrose I'm trying to have the diary being wrote in as like a friend or something I havn't really got my point across with the story/

I will try to go in and fix mistakes as I go on. I do not have that high of a lexile (1000 I think) but anyways~ I'm not that good of a writter yet and I will Improve on as the story grows.
Back to top Go down
http://ladymirandam.tumblr.com/
flandre
Expert Fantagian
flandre

Posts : 2166
Join date : 2013-01-01
Age : 17
Location : why do you even care?

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 10:32 am

dork diaries cx:
 
Back to top Go down
Miranda2
Dedicated Fantagian
Miranda2

Posts : 1319
Join date : 2012-08-25
Age : 18
Location : My own little corner of the world

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 10:54 am

Homura wrote:
dork diaries cx:
 
My chacters are older and popularer.
Back to top Go down
http://ladymirandam.tumblr.com/
Janelle
Veteran Fantagian
Janelle

Posts : 4929
Join date : 2011-02-28
Age : 17
Location : cryin in the club

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 10:59 am

I like the story, there's some spelling mistakes, but its a good story.
Back to top Go down
http://fantagegeekymustaches.wordpress.com
Cutie Patootie
Junior Fantagian
Cutie Patootie

Posts : 80
Join date : 2013-07-23
Age : 19
Location : Under your bed... OH candy!!

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 11:01 am

I liked it. Sooooo
Back to top Go down
flandre
Expert Fantagian
flandre

Posts : 2166
Join date : 2013-01-01
Age : 17
Location : why do you even care?

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 11:04 am

I love the update to the story
Back to top Go down
Cutie Patootie
Junior Fantagian
Cutie Patootie

Posts : 80
Join date : 2013-07-23
Age : 19
Location : Under your bed... OH candy!!

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 12:21 pm

To me the update was a little rushed but other than that it is really good. Smile 
Back to top Go down
Miranda2
Dedicated Fantagian
Miranda2

Posts : 1319
Join date : 2012-08-25
Age : 18
Location : My own little corner of the world

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 12:37 pm

Thank you for the feed back! I'm trying to take what your saying into play.
Back to top Go down
http://ladymirandam.tumblr.com/
Flynn
Legendary Fantagian
Flynn

Posts : 12278
Join date : 2012-01-14
Age : 20
Location : The gallows

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 2:28 pm

Miranda<3 wrote:
Well uh, I guess you should read it. Uhm time for the fun part: Disclaimers: I do not support this kind of life and not wish it on anyone of you. I don't condone what she does. If you have a problem take it up with me.
I know where this story is going and if you say I'm copying from a book I will deny that statement.
How Celina looks:
 
Story Updated Entry 3 in!!:
 
I'm noticing several spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes. I can fix them for you if you want, but I thought I'd ask before I edited something you made.

Would a person who really didn't want a diary write in it? I think not. In my opinion, Celina's comment to her mother sounded whiny and was uncalled for. I mean, she even named her diary. She shouldn't have complained that she didn't want it when she obviously does.

Also, I should point out as a partially Irish person that most of us do not in fact have red hair. That's just a stereotype. The Scottish have a higher percentage of gingers.


I think the story idea is cute, but I'd say it needs a bit of work. 4/10 in total.
Back to top Go down
Miranda2
Dedicated Fantagian
Miranda2

Posts : 1319
Join date : 2012-08-25
Age : 18
Location : My own little corner of the world

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 3:11 pm

Jester wrote:
Miranda<3 wrote:
Well uh, I guess you should read it. Uhm time for the fun part: Disclaimers: I do not support this kind of life and not wish it on anyone of you. I don't condone what she does. If you have a problem take it up with me.
I know where this story is going and if you say I'm copying from a book I will deny that statement.
How Celina looks:
 
Story Updated Entry 3 in!!:
 
I'm noticing several spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes. I can fix them for you if you want, but I thought I'd ask before I edited something you made.

Would a person who really didn't want a diary write in it? I think not. In my opinion, Celina's comment to her mother sounded whiny and was uncalled for. I mean, she even named her diary. She shouldn't have complained that she didn't want it when she obviously does.

Also, I should point out as a partially Irish person that most of us do not in fact have red hair. That's just a stereotype. The Scottish have a higher percentage of gingers.


I think the story idea is cute, but I'd say it needs a bit of work. 4/10 in total.
I point out its still my first story and I'm fixing the bugs and I know about some grammar errors that I'm going to go in and try to fix. Also with the diary part. She doesn't have anything better to do. I can name a couple of books where they don't have a lot better to do than write in the diary. I will name these titles: Lucy in the sky, Go ask Alice, The whole Dork Diaries sereis
Back to top Go down
http://ladymirandam.tumblr.com/
Flynn
Legendary Fantagian
Flynn

Posts : 12278
Join date : 2012-01-14
Age : 20
Location : The gallows

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptySat Sep 14, 2013 4:01 pm

Miranda<3 wrote:
Jester wrote:
Miranda<3 wrote:
Well uh, I guess you should read it. Uhm time for the fun part: Disclaimers: I do not support this kind of life and not wish it on anyone of you. I don't condone what she does. If you have a problem take it up with me.
I know where this story is going and if you say I'm copying from a book I will deny that statement.
How Celina looks:
 
Story Updated Entry 3 in!!:
 
I'm noticing several spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes. I can fix them for you if you want, but I thought I'd ask before I edited something you made.

Would a person who really didn't want a diary write in it? I think not. In my opinion, Celina's comment to her mother sounded whiny and was uncalled for. I mean, she even named her diary. She shouldn't have complained that she didn't want it when she obviously does.

Also, I should point out as a partially Irish person that most of us do not in fact have red hair. That's just a stereotype. The Scottish have a higher percentage of gingers.


I think the story idea is cute, but I'd say it needs a bit of work. 4/10 in total.
I point out its still my first story and I'm fixing the bugs and I know about some grammar errors that I'm going to go in and try to fix. Also with the diary part. She doesn't have anything better to do. I can name a couple of books where they don't have a lot better to do than write in the diary. I will name these titles: Lucy in the sky, Go ask Alice, The whole Dork Diaries sereis
I understand, but can you make that clear in the story?
If we knew that Celina was writing in the diary out of boredom, it wouldn't have sounded so much like she just lied to her mother to make her feel bad.
Thanks for clearing it up, though.
Back to top Go down
Hallow ween
Veteran Fantagian
Hallow ween

Posts : 3280
Join date : 2011-08-11
Age : 16
Location : RATE THIS LOCATION A 10 OR ELSE... *cracks knuckles*

My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 EmptyWed Sep 25, 2013 3:36 am

I like it! My favorite was when you put the leaf in the book.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: My first story I guess... Miranda<3   My first story I guess... Miranda<3 Empty

Back to top Go down
 
My first story I guess... Miranda<3
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» [FS]That 70's Show Season's 1-8 + Bonus EP's DVDRip XviD,avi(1 LInk ep's)

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Fantage Forum :: Creations :: Literature-
Jump to: