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 Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)

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Miranda2
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Miranda2

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptyFri Jan 03, 2014 8:07 pm

I'm currently making it on wattpad. I plan to make it a novel. I will try to apply some critques. Please don't make me feel bad about my writing simply because you don't like the story. I mean what if you drew a picture and I was like "Omg it looks like a blind person drew that lolololo." yeah. Hurts.

The Story:
 


Last edited by Fallen Snow on Fri Jan 03, 2014 9:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Lineesa
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Lineesa

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptyFri Jan 03, 2014 8:25 pm

Check your spelling
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Miranda2
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Miranda2

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptyFri Jan 03, 2014 8:26 pm

Lineesa wrote:
Check your spelling
Okay because on wattpad they don't have spell check or those red lines. I'll fix it when I get to chapter 2:)
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Flynn
Legendary Fantagian
Flynn

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptySat Jan 04, 2014 8:19 am

I noticed several spelling/punctuation mistakes. It would be rather nice if you fixed them.

Also, what is the plot of this story? Reading a giant paragraph about a chick and her mom stopping at a gas station is hardly interesting really boring. Is it going to get more exciting later or something? Because in that case you may want to shorten this scene and get a move on.

Apologies if this was offensive in any way.
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Miranda2
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Miranda2

Posts : 1319
Join date : 2012-08-25
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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptySat Jan 04, 2014 8:28 am

Flynn wrote:
I noticed several spelling/punctuation mistakes. It would be rather nice if you fixed them.

Also, what is the plot of this story? Reading a giant paragraph about a chick and her mom stopping at a gas station is hardly interesting really boring. Is it going to get more exciting later or something? Because in that case you may want to shorten this scene and get a move on.

Apologies if this was offensive in any way.

It wasn't. Yes, I'm going to work on the mistakes when I get to chapter two. This is kind of like a bridge to get to the good part. Kind of like the Insurgent into the Illiegent.
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Flynn
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Flynn

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptySat Jan 04, 2014 8:41 am

Fallen Snow wrote:
Flynn wrote:
I noticed several spelling/punctuation mistakes. It would be rather nice if you fixed them.

Also, what is the plot of this story? Reading a giant paragraph about a chick and her mom stopping at a gas station is hardly interesting really boring. Is it going to get more exciting later or something? Because in that case you may want to shorten this scene and get a move on.

Apologies if this was offensive in any way.

It wasn't. Yes, I'm going to work on the mistakes when I get to chapter two. This is kind of like a bridge to get to the good part. Kind of like the Insurgent into the Illiegent.

I actually sort of hated the Divergent series for that reason, among others. It's really tedious to have to flip through page after page of nothing happening to find something worth reading. Of course, you can do it your way though. You are the author and I seem to be alone in my distaste for Divergent anyway.
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alison
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alison

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptySat Jan 04, 2014 8:53 am

the concept is cute tbh but um can you like...elaborate on the gas station story? unless there's supposed to be some far-fetched symbolic meaning in the fruit cups and the gas station that i'm missing out on or w/e, there's no significance in the first chapter whatsoever. the first chapter is supposed to be the part that forms the basis of the story and from what i've seen, there is none of that.


Last edited by alison on Sat Jan 04, 2014 10:51 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : typo oops)
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Miranda2
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Miranda2

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptySat Jan 04, 2014 2:08 pm

Flynn wrote:
Fallen Snow wrote:
Flynn wrote:
I noticed several spelling/punctuation mistakes. It would be rather nice if you fixed them.

Also, what is the plot of this story? Reading a giant paragraph about a chick and her mom stopping at a gas station is hardly interesting really boring. Is it going to get more exciting later or something? Because in that case you may want to shorten this scene and get a move on.

Apologies if this was offensive in any way.

It wasn't. Yes, I'm going to work on the mistakes when I get to chapter two. This is kind of like a bridge to get to the good part. Kind of like the Insurgent into the Illiegent.

I actually sort of hated the Divergent series for that reason, among others. It's really tedious to have to flip through page after page of nothing happening to find something worth reading. Of course, you can do it your way though. You are the author and I seem to be alone in my distaste for Divergent anyway.
Oh I was just looking for an example so you would understand that it is like a bridge to get settled into the story.
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Officer Number Two
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Officer Number Two

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptyMon Jan 06, 2014 4:27 pm

Are the titles all names of songs or lyrics? It's a cool idea!i
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emiko
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emiko

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Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptyMon Jan 06, 2014 6:12 pm

Love wrote:
Flynn wrote:
Fallen Snow wrote:
Flynn wrote:
I noticed several spelling/punctuation mistakes. It would be rather nice if you fixed them.

Also, what is the plot of this story? Reading a giant paragraph about a chick and her mom stopping at a gas station is hardly interesting really boring. Is it going to get more exciting later or something? Because in that case you may want to shorten this scene and get a move on.

Apologies if this was offensive in any way.

It wasn't. Yes, I'm going to work on the mistakes when I get to chapter two. This is kind of like a bridge to get to the good part. Kind of like the Insurgent into the Illiegent.


I actually sort of hated the Divergent series for that reason, among others. It's really tedious to have to flip through page after page of nothing happening to find something worth reading. Of course, you can do it your way though. You are the author and I seem to be alone in my distaste for Divergent anyway.
Oh I was just looking for an example so you would understand that it is like a bridge to get settled into the story.


lawl i just replied so i can join the quote train
punctuation + spelling
but its still a cool story :3
more detail and descriptionnnnnnnnn


Last edited by meow on Mon Jan 06, 2014 6:13 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : DFHogfSFDIHsod8 my message got into one of the quote paragraphs somehow ;__;)
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hikayamasan353
Senior Fantagian
hikayamasan353

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Location : Ukraine, K***-ken, K***-shi, ***-ku, ***-chome, 2-3-1

Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress)   Why is my life like Lyrics (Story in progress) EmptyFri Jan 24, 2014 6:15 am

Uhmmm.... Why you can eat only on gas station? Why dad divorced? Why he found another wife? And the mother seems really awesome since she is selfless and artistic ^__^
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