Lazarus
Regular Fantagian
Posts : 105
Join date : 2021-09-23
Location : join the discord
 | Subject: Pepper Spray Drive - the mumblecore of so r@ndom  Sun Dec 04, 2022 1:04 am | |
| - random coming of age angst setting:
"Girl..i'm telling you he was not like any other man...." Woman 1# twirled her hair in an unconscious attempt to downplay her attraction and looked at the checkered floor in shame. "What made him stand out to you?" Woman 2# licked her lips in hesitance to an undeniable confusion in her chest. She couldn't control this feeling; it went and came in waves. Her eyes flickered as she clutched onto her Kim Petras necklace. "Well, he seemed so mature.. I need a man that can work with his fingers on the keyboard."
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FLASHBACK TO THE FUTURE
Scene: Reeking of cheap Bath & Body works perfume, musty furniture, and marijuana. A ripped up Daydream Nation movie poster is held on the wall by a Command Hook. New Order is playing out loud. Turquoise LED lights.
Macester (app)
From: Woman 1#
To: Him
OH MY GAWWWSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANNA TEXT YOU A PEANUT EMOJI SO BAD.... LIKE IT'LL BE LIKE IF SETH ROGERS GOT HORNY...WOMAN LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN ARE SO INTO PETE DAVIDSON AND KANYE WEST, LIKE YOU'RE ACTUALLY A REAL COMEDIAN. YOU DANCE JUST LIKE SHAUN RYDAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH by the way I would so be on the cheerleading team if my crackass father would let me............
From: Him
To: Woman 1#
Honey, I hate to break your heart... i'm no match for you unless you got a bit more mature. Now you got a man really riled up, there's a tent in my pants and i'm sure you're aware. I feel like i'm the president of the United States and I have illicit affairs. But one thing... In order to reach my gates of heaven, you'll have to not getting drunk off cheaply made narcotics that you tell me your life story. Now leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a woman of vintage material and not some frustrated womanchild.
[Shut Your Mouth by Garbage]
Woman 1#'s eyes darted across the screen. She couldn't believe what she just saw on the Macester app. She pondered violently to herself: "This is the worst app i've ever downloaded. I'm so pissed I could leave a 1 star review on the Cyrus Store. I hope his new cuckoo wannabe Terry Richardson's pupil despite knowing his criminal past COMES TO THEIR SENSES AND PUTS HIM IN JAIL! SICK OF THESE SCUM STARFRACKERS SIGNING ROMAN POLANSKI LIKE PETITIONS CLAIMING THEY WERE FORCED TO" She left the room feeling guilty, like someone would accuse her of being the next Valerie Solanas. Woman 1# now hated his rusty guts, but she wouldn't go as far to shoot him... she'd only shoot herself. Now, she was thinking about Sylvia Plath sticking her head in the oven. A lost soul; Sylvia had many wonderful food diaries. The imagery of empowering womanly poets calmed her agitated nerves. In a flash photographic moment, her thoughts twisted into an existential crisis.
Why the fuck are we here? Why am I acting like I was in a Terry Zwigoff film? Why is anyone still friends with me? How'd I get a 100 on that crappy ass short story in freshman English class with that teacher that claimed she got pushed in a locker? Chirstina Ricci was great in Buffalo 66', she wanted to slap the IMDB posters that called her fat and berate Vincent Gallo for forgetting to credit that one screendirector he left out on purpose. I hope my friends know I love them even though sometimes I get confused. Do they know i'm trying? I don't know why. We'll go rounds in circles. I'll keep on laughing, nothing was wrong in the first place.
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