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 The Storm - A Christmas story

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Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli

Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

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PostSubject: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptySun Dec 05, 2010 3:35 pm

Prologue:
Spoiler:
 

Chapter one: The Storm
Spoiler:
 


Last edited by Lyli on Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:26 pm; edited 7 times in total
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pokeranger
Hero Fantagian
pokeranger

Posts : 5452
Join date : 2010-01-29
Age : 21
Location : Loading...

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptySun Dec 05, 2010 4:12 pm

Alright is supposed to be all right. :3 Very descriptive though! ;]
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Nessy
Passionate Fantagian
Nessy

Posts : 915
Join date : 2010-08-26
Age : 22
Location : My happy place

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptySun Dec 05, 2010 6:04 pm

Sounds nice! Im looking forward to it!
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http://www.fantageforlife.weebly.com
bladerunner22
Devoted Fantagian
bladerunner22

Posts : 530
Join date : 2010-11-27
Age : 21
Location : Asia

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyMon Dec 06, 2010 12:18 pm

Nice! I'm waiting for more! Very Happy
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Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli

Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyMon Dec 06, 2010 2:22 pm

Thanks guys! I'll only be writing on weekends, since I have more time on my hands. The first chapter will come maybe next Monday or Tuesday, depending on how long it'll take me to write the first chapter.
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Trash
Loyal Fantagian
Trash

Posts : 1685
Join date : 2010-01-31
Age : 22

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyMon Dec 06, 2010 4:44 pm

Don't even dare start if you won't finish it.
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Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli

Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyMon Dec 06, 2010 4:50 pm

Anaira wrote:
Don't even dare start if you won't finish it.

I will finish it, don't worry.
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Trash
Loyal Fantagian
Trash

Posts : 1685
Join date : 2010-01-31
Age : 22

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyMon Dec 06, 2010 4:58 pm

Yay♥
also, this story seems really good, that's why I said that
i'm waiting to read it!
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Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli

Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyMon Dec 06, 2010 6:52 pm

Chapter 1 is posted!
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Makkine
Moderator
Moderator
Makkine

Posts : 2772
Join date : 2010-05-17
Age : 23
Location : Woah

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyMon Dec 06, 2010 8:33 pm

OHGOD GOOD GRAMMAR AND SPELLING. OH GOD SHOW NOT TELL. OH GOD SIMILES. OH GOD WORDS USED EFFECTIVELY. OH GOD INTERESTINGNESS. OH GOD THE CHAPTERS ARE ACTUALLY CHAPTER LENGTH. IS THIS NAKIRA'S STORY? IS THIS A MIRACLE?

No offense guys, I love your sories, everything I posted on them is 100 percent sincere and from the heart, but I am critiquing, praising, and reviewing them according to your individual levels. I feel like I can finally review something a bit more challenging. Also, Lyls acts like: OMGJUSTINBEAVER all the time on the chatbox, so this is genuinely surprising. I didn't know she could write. Plus, she's 14, which is older than most of you, so it's kind of obvious she would write better.

This is almost excactly like how I would write it. I swear, I love this. The end is very suspenceful, the descriptions are very clear but with a poetic prose that draws yoiu in and doesn't let go, so it's not a burden to read. Yes. I have no idea where this is going. My sole complaint would be, comas are a bit clichéd. People rarely potray them correctly and if overused as a dramatic device I will bang my head into the desk so hard I will give myself a comma. It's a bit unrealistic one would get it from being frozen in the snow, too, having to amputate a limb after frostbite would be better, but even that is stretching the truth.

Not that that detracts from the story's value, though.
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Lyli
Dedicated Fantagian
Lyli

Posts : 1149
Join date : 2010-01-30
Location : Peegale 5ever (that mean more than 4eva)

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyTue Dec 07, 2010 5:22 pm

Thank you so much, Mak! C: I was really scared you wouldn't like it, haha.

--
UPDATE: In the process of typing chapter 2.
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Makkine
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Makkine

Posts : 2772
Join date : 2010-05-17
Age : 23
Location : Woah

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyTue Dec 07, 2010 5:34 pm

You're wlecome so much, Lyls! C: Since when does my opinion matter more than anyone else's, haha?
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case1998
Senior Fantagian
case1998

Posts : 459
Join date : 2010-05-22
Age : 22
Location : In a AI storage unit.

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PostSubject: Re: The Storm - A Christmas story   The Storm - A Christmas story EmptyTue Dec 07, 2010 6:22 pm

Makkine, your critique everyone wants. You that good of a writer.

Really good story. Love how it has a sad but interesting plot.
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