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| Corner Gate | |
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Relora Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776 Join date : 2010-11-30 Age : 27 Location : Define "Location"
| Subject: Corner Gate Wed May 11, 2011 3:02 pm | |
| Decided to try and give another go at writing publicly - Intro:
Her soft Brown, ivory eyes stared out the window into the cold cruel world she knew too much about.Her breath was shattered like glass and she tried her best to control it, to fix it but she only gave up and had a short convulsion-like shudder. The small gray jeep bounded down the small road.The grey-black road crumbling beneath,Its faded yellow and white stripes continually disappearing and reappearing.The gray sky seemed to cry in the distance where a rain cloud had jumped away from them.The trees were eerie and lifeless even though it was a day of spring.Even the sun was sulking,hidden behind the ugly gray clouds. She bawled like a newborn infant so unused to its new found life and yanked away from its warm, comfortable home.The silver clear salty tears fell softly on her black satin dress ruining the once beautiful patterns and designs.Her eyes were blurry and she could not utter a single word without thinking of him.Her husband,Jeff,sat at the drivers seat he too cried but not as much as she was."He is OK Olivia"he choked on his words knowing now was not the time for comfort as his wife convulsed rapidly heaving and sobbing. As they drove they passed the most adorable houses but even they seemed washed in gray destroyed by the world of a mothers sorrow.Olivia looked back out the window with blurred eyes and whispered as Jeff watched her solemnly."J-J-J-Jeff?" "Yes Olivia?" "He is in a better place right?" "If there is a God and Jesus then he is watching us with them loving us as much as he has ever done so." "But he's in a better place right?"Olivia the sorrowed mother and wife asked. "Yes Hun he is with the biggest source of love and happiness a person could know of."Jeff replied with a heavy heart.He watched the road curve like his sons old "Choo Choo"He felt like he could die but knew that there would be no goodness of that.He himself wondered why HIS son had to go why His son must die but there would never be an answer.He drove along with those thoughts in mind.He wanted to know the impossible all his life and these questions would always stir within him and soon manifest themselves 'till he would be as mad as a hatter himself.His beautiful wife had to live with this and she would be a broken fragment of herself she was already at that point.But what would be of him? The wife, now convulsing terribly, started to think and think but nothing seemed to be thought all she saw was her brown hair and her husband's blue eyes in front of her but those features were not hers or Jeff's they were his they were Jonathon's.The thought of him sent her into a deeper depression then the moment before all the world was dead all was no longer color, but blacks and grays instead the light could no longer reach her for besides what everyone else knew she herself was dead a gray and black oblong shadow. They soon drove up to their house which was a nice small mansion.But not even it's beauty and perfect architecture could cheer her on today.She stepped out with her husband and walked into the house of Broken dreams and fragmented lives The day of her son's,Jonathon's, funeral
- chapter 1, 6 years later:
The lavender dawn light soared threw the sky covering the world with a healthy glow.The birds chirped and the flowers unfurled to show there lush colors.Morning dew covered the grass and trees giving the world a sparkling look as the rising sun hovered above the world like a magical orange orb. Three moving vans approached swiftly appearing on the horizon.The contained roar of the engine wafted threw the road and into nearby homes as husbands got ready for work and wives made the early breakfast.very few looked to see who was moving in the neighbor hood was private and exclusive and the currently vacant house down the road was most likely to be filled with a good and exquisite family or couple.For the neighbor hood was famed to be the best and only a select few got in each decade. As the vans grew closer Olivia had just gotten up.Jeff sat at his normal armchair in the quaint t.v. room and he was watching the morning news and had already gotten his coffee and newspaper.The gentle voices of the news reporters filled her ears and she seemed to become more lively and awake.He said a soft hello and she smiled walking into their elaborate kitchen to start a nutritious breakfast for them. The cabinets were all a deep ebony and their handles were made out of real ivory that had been given to them by her grandparents.The sink was platinum in color and the kitchen appliances had a trademark logo to show they had bought the most premium of items over the years. As she went to wash her hands she noticed the vans in the once vacant house besides her home.Behind the vans was a Red Ford GT with the trademark white strips down its body.A man stepped out of the car.He was in his late twenties with chestnut hair and hazel eyes.He had smile lines on his cheery handsome face and his teeth were not even the slightest of crooked.Even when he had just moved he was well polished with a pinstripe suit and shiny black loafers.He stepped around the car and opened the passenger door. Out stepped a young woman who looked to have just finished college.She had luminous green-blue eyes and shiny dark blonde hair.She had not one wrinkle but the young woman's face was beaming with joy.When she had fully stepped out and shifted a bit Olivia saw a lovely green sundress and lovely silver jewelry.The woman seemed to be holding something and when Olivia looked closer she saw it was a young child probably a three-year-old. The toddler had a young child glow and had bleach blue eyes and her dads chestnut hair.The toddler clung to her mother and had a toothy grin.The mom smiled lovingly back and then walked briskly with her husband into their new home.
Last edited by Relora on Sat May 14, 2011 9:27 am; edited 2 times in total | |
| | | snake Former Staff
Posts : 1131 Join date : 2010-01-26
| Subject: Re: Corner Gate Wed May 11, 2011 5:16 pm | |
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| | | Relora Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776 Join date : 2010-11-30 Age : 27 Location : Define "Location"
| Subject: Re: Corner Gate Fri May 13, 2011 3:27 pm | |
| I respect your some what rude opinion but unlike some immature people this does not make me upset for the world is full of disappointments and it seems to be yet another one posted above my comment and yours but I am sticking with this and I am gonna improve through my mistakes even if you shoot it down with "this sucks balls" comments for I am one that does not quit when those around me doubt me.
Also if you wanna help this problematic story, as I believe you see it, what had I done wrong and how may I improve this? | |
| | | Pommu-pon Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1597 Join date : 2011-05-09 Age : 26 Location : wwwwww
| Subject: Re: Corner Gate Fri May 13, 2011 3:37 pm | |
| That... That is so sad... yet so beautiful!! I really liked it! | |
| | | Relora Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776 Join date : 2010-11-30 Age : 27 Location : Define "Location"
| Subject: Re: Corner Gate Fri May 13, 2011 3:45 pm | |
| Thanks ^^ I was really hoping I was doing o.k. 'cause this is the first somewhat sad story i have ever had cross my mind.
btw your profile picture recolors are very nice ^_^ | |
| | | Pommu-pon Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1597 Join date : 2011-05-09 Age : 26 Location : wwwwww
| Subject: Re: Corner Gate Fri May 13, 2011 3:47 pm | |
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| | | Oliver Moderator
Posts : 4588 Join date : 2010-03-03 Age : 24 Location : *lights up a fire* yeah, trying to surivve in a fores.t *smokse a cig* il kill you
| Subject: Re: Corner Gate Fri May 13, 2011 6:40 pm | |
| - Relora wrote:
- I respect your some what rude opinion but unlike some immature people this does not make me upset for the world is full of disappointments and it seems to be yet another one posted above my comment and yours but I am sticking with this and I am gonna improve through my mistakes even if you shoot it down with "this sucks balls" comments for I am one that does not quit when those around me doubt me.
Also if you wanna help this problematic story, as I believe you see it, what had I done wrong and how may I improve this? I lol'd | |
| | | ii77ll Regular Fantagian
Posts : 102 Join date : 2010-06-22 Age : 26 Location : somewhere on earth
| Subject: Re: Corner Gate Fri May 13, 2011 7:00 pm | |
| That was really good! I'd like to read more of it! | |
| | | Relora Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776 Join date : 2010-11-30 Age : 27 Location : Define "Location"
| Subject: Re: Corner Gate Sat May 14, 2011 9:35 am | |
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