this is a cheesy story

well ya dnt have to tell me to shut up o.o im just suggesting things and proving things some things people conclude it is indeed a good story but you put the word cheese in it so you cant help put put something to do with cheese in here -.-"

have some fun...

i've had some re thinking and um 9.5/10........ maybe we should just rate it....?

cheesy
does not mean cheese.
look it up if you're too stupid to not know.

Anger management problems much? Some people are silly and just cant be taken seriously. Chill out.

ehm...I am not stupid...I know what cheesy means...Don't cyber bully.This is cosidored "cyber bullying" don't do this kids.I'm not trying to start a fight here I am just sharing my opinion and proving people want to joke around would't ou have fun like this? o.o

Exactly. If I made a story and people joked around about it, I would totally joke around with them.xD But saying "shut up" or calling me stupid, to a 9 year old, is immature, and starting a fight. Take a joke, dude.

Honestly, I'm pretty calm, but this is supposed to be a story, not a topic about cheese! I understand if you want to have a bit of fun, but do it somewhere else. The story isn't supposed to be funny... Honestly, it kind of offends me that you're completely ignoring the story and just focusing on the TOPIC TITLE. I'm someone who really lusts for critique and feedback, and you're not making me feel any better.
Sorry if I sound rude, I just want to prove a point.

i did judge it,indeed a good story i get you want to make a point but people fool around! thats life,if you cant take it go big or go home.

Sorry guys I have to be on Timgears side on this one. This was a story that was very good and emotional and you all kinda ruined it. Timegear wanted actual comments and feedback not people joking around. Yes I understand that you very trying to show that it wasn't cheesy wby looking at your comments but it kinda seemed to ebb away from that as few users kept posting about the "cheese". Please respect peoples stuff like this one or two comments are fine but when everyone joins in and a certain user keeps bringing it out it isn't all that fun for the writer who might now feel disappointed.

edit: hurhur sorry posted this after that comment timegear I wont delete it as I don't do that but sorry if this does anything negative instead of postive.....

Cool story bro. It was awesome. Perfect grammar. Mature words. But no,we cant do it somewhere else. If we did, it would be off topic, and we would get a warning.

You mad bro?

Of course it would be off topic.
This is off topic too.
Just, don't do it in the first place. Can we stop fighting? It's starting to cause spam.

-backs up a step- wasn't trying to start one in the first place o.o

LALALALAALALALLALA LOOK AT THIS POSTALALALALALAL(that was my distraction)


Anyway I really did like the story thumbs up from both hands hurhur. I don't really do critiques on writing (seeing as one American Education absolutely sucks and two I'm tired and hungry) but I am sure it still is good

awsome!

wow good story