Fantage Forum
Welcome to the Fantage Forum.


Fantage Cheats, Secrets, Glitches, Info & Help.
 
HomeSearchRegisterLog in


 

 A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|

Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4

Is it a Good Story?
Yes.
A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Vote_lcap65%A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Vote_rcap
 65% [ 15 ]
No.
A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Vote_lcap30%A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Vote_rcap
 30% [ 7 ]
50%
A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Vote_lcap4%A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Vote_rcap
 4% [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 23
 

AuthorMessage
Queen
Veteran Fantagian
Queen

Posts : 4500
Join date : 2010-07-20
Age : 19
Location : nowhereland

A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 EmptySun Nov 13, 2011 3:55 pm

I'm finally done chapter 10! So you can read and do whatever now! ^o^
Back to top Go down
taehyung
Veteran Fantagian
taehyung

Posts : 3089
Join date : 2011-07-15
Age : 20
Location : somewhere

A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 EmptyTue Nov 15, 2011 11:25 am

i read chapter 10 itsssss soooooooooo NICE
i can't wait to hear more from you!
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 EmptyTue Nov 15, 2011 11:37 am

The falling action in the story (That solves the conflict.) is way too choppy. You should add more details like why her mother said yes, or how the kids convinced her mother to say yes, and how long it took. Describe the setting. How did it smell, look, feel, hear, or taste. (LOL TASTE.)
Just think about the five senses.

__
And I might look for grammar mistakes. I found one.
--
Mai hugged her mom and petted her dog Max and went outside with the others: "Petted" just sounds weird there. Use "pet".
--
I'll find more later.
Back to top Go down
Queen
Veteran Fantagian
Queen

Posts : 4500
Join date : 2010-07-20
Age : 19
Location : nowhereland

A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 EmptyTue Nov 15, 2011 4:37 pm

Mr.Taost wrote:
The falling action in the story (That solves the conflict.) is way too choppy. You should add more details like why her mother said yes, or how the kids convinced her mother to say yes, and how long it took. Describe the setting. How did it smell, look, feel, hear, or taste. (LOL TASTE.)
Just think about the five senses.

__
And I might look for grammar mistakes. I found one.
--
Mai hugged her mom and petted her dog Max and went outside with the others: "Petted" just sounds weird there. Use "pet".
--
I'll find more later.

Okay, Okay. I'll fix the grammar later. >.>

And BTW I am Filipino, so why would I know every single good grammar and well got nothing else to say.
[P.S. I'm fixing my story when I have time, I was too lazy to put details. And please just give me a weekly grammar stuff and whatever for my story because that's kinda getting annoying. No offence.]

Okay bye. Razz
Back to top Go down
Relora
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 23
Location : Define "Location"

A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 EmptyMon Nov 21, 2011 9:51 am

I really like the story line. But the falling action was a bit chopy as taost already said. Other than that very well done.
Back to top Go down
badcad67
Junior Fantagian
badcad67

Posts : 51
Join date : 2011-06-25
Age : 17
Location : princess peachs castle

A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 EmptyFri Dec 02, 2011 6:22 pm

yay chapter 10
Back to top Go down
FruitCake
Veteran Fantagian
FruitCake

Posts : 4126
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 18
Location :

A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 EmptyFri Dec 02, 2011 6:23 pm

badcad67 wrote:
yay chapter 10
Yes, Chapter 10.
Back to top Go down
http://www.musicjams.forumotion.com
Sponsored content




A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|    A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|  - Page 4 Empty

Back to top Go down
 
A Diary You Can Write Forever! |Chapter 11 is being made|
Back to top 
Page 4 of 4Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Fantage Forum :: Creations :: Literature-
Jump to: