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 Story of the cat

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Zepheus
Senior Fantagian
Zepheus

Posts : 281
Join date : 2011-10-18
Age : 21
Location : Austin, TX

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PostSubject: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 5:54 pm

Spoiler:
 


Last edited by Zepheus on Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Mila
Expert Fantagian


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Join date : 2011-09-01

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 5:58 pm

Zepheus wrote:
Spoiler:
 
do a couple fixes. read it over again you'll find what i am talking about
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Guest
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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 6:13 pm

No need for the big text, just to make your story seem longer.
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Zepheus
Senior Fantagian
Zepheus

Posts : 281
Join date : 2011-10-18
Age : 21
Location : Austin, TX

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 6:22 pm

I only made it big because I was afraid people would have a hard time reading it. I'm near-sighted though so I guess it's different with y'all
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alex
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alex

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 7:00 pm

Zepheus wrote:
I only made it big because I was afraid people would have a hard time reading it. I'm near-sighted though so I guess it's different with y'all
I'm sorry, but I had a hard time reading it.

&&I saw some grammar mistakes, and it really didn't make much sense to me. ><
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Blackrose
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Blackrose

Posts : 7337
Join date : 2010-07-20

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 7:05 pm

Zepheus wrote:
I only made it big because I was afraid people would have a hard time reading it. I'm near-sighted though so I guess it's different with y'all

Um i can see perfectly.
And I guess everyone else can see if they can go on a computer, go to the forum and all that.
So there is no need for the big letters.
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Zepheus
Senior Fantagian
Zepheus

Posts : 281
Join date : 2011-10-18
Age : 21
Location : Austin, TX

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 7:10 pm

Homestuck wrote:
Zepheus wrote:
I only made it big because I was afraid people would have a hard time reading it. I'm near-sighted though so I guess it's different with y'all
I'm sorry, but I had a hard time reading it.

&&I saw some grammar mistakes, and it really didn't make much sense to me. ><
Why doesn't it make sense and why did you have a hard time reading it?
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Queen
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Queen

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Join date : 2010-07-20
Age : 19
Location : nowhereland

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyTue Oct 25, 2011 7:18 pm

Here some tips. I only read it half, since my eyes hurts when its too big.

~ Use right Grammar |As everyone said|
~ Don't use numbers in a story. Example: I have 1 brother and 3 sisters
~ My Teacher said last years not to put () , in a story
~ Instead of saying rrrrrr say Example: I heard a roaring sound like a __Your__Sound__Thingy__

I didn't read the whole thing, so I got no more Tips for you. xD
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Relora
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Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 23
Location : Define "Location"

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyWed Oct 26, 2011 2:02 pm

Queenfairylight7 wrote:
Here some tips. I only read it half, since my eyes hurts when its too big.

~ Use correct Grammar |As everyone said|
~ Don't use numbers in a story. Example: I have 1 brother and 3 sisters
~ My Teacher said last years not to put () , in a story
~ Instead of saying rrrrrr say Example: I heard a roaring sound like a __Your__Sound__Thingy__

I didn't read the whole thing, so I got no more Tips for you. xD

derp I made a fix on your grammar XDDDDD


Okie then here we go.....

~Grammar, Grammar GRAMMAR! Very important for a story... unless you don't want people to even try reading it
~When you said "rrrrr", it was actually okay. Onomatopoeia is what you used BUT it's normally used in very basic undeveloped papers/stories. Try to refrain from it and use maybe metaphors or similes to describe the sound.
~There a rule with number: 1-10 HAVE TO BE SPELT OUT! Though if your using it for a date it might be okay... any who, When it comes to number they are normally spelt out in a book even larger ones.
~Okay now, you are allowed to use parenthesis "()" in your stories. (No offense Queen but your teacher is just a derp ;]) Though make sure to use them properly.

I might go back and make adjustments.. but probably not. Nice story though


Oh and also don't make your font that big lol. I know I'm beating a dead horse here but it was rather frustrating XD
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Zepheus
Senior Fantagian
Zepheus

Posts : 281
Join date : 2011-10-18
Age : 21
Location : Austin, TX

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyWed Oct 26, 2011 4:43 pm

I read it over, but I honestly did not see any grammar mistakes! I posted this story on fanfiction.net and they all said it was great! So, I'm confused because it read it over 6 times and I see no mistakes
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Guest
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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyWed Oct 26, 2011 8:19 pm

Aurora wrote:
Queenfairylight7 wrote:
Here some tips. I only read it half, since my eyes hurts when its too big.

~ Use correct Grammar |As everyone said|
~ Don't use numbers in a story. Example: I have 1 brother and 3 sisters
~ My Teacher said last years not to put () , in a story
~ Instead of saying rrrrrr say Example: I heard a roaring sound like a __Your__Sound__Thingy__

I didn't read the whole thing, so I got no more Tips for you. xD

derp I made a fix on your grammar XDDDDD


Okie then here we go.....

~Grammar, Grammar GRAMMAR! Very important for a story... unless you don't want people to even try reading it
~When you said "rrrrr", it was actually okay. Onomatopoeia is what you used BUT it's normally used in very basic undeveloped papers/stories. Try to refrain from it and use maybe metaphors or similes to describe the sound.
~There a rule with number: 1-10 HAVE TO BE SPELT OUT! Though if your using it for a date it might be okay... any who, When it comes to number they are normally spelt out in a book even larger ones.
~Okay now, you are allowed to use parenthesis "()" in your stories. (No offense Queen but your teacher is just a derp ;]) Though make sure to use them properly.

I might go back and make adjustments.. but probably not. Nice story though


Oh and also don't make your font that big lol. I know I'm beating a dead horse here but it was rather frustrating XD

i thought it was 1-9
leave my stupidity
Once I'm fully done correcting it, i'll edit this post. sooo.....
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mayanm
Expert Fantagian


Posts : 2088
Join date : 2011-05-14
Age : 21
Location : Noitacol. It's a location all right!

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyThu Oct 27, 2011 9:10 am

Zepheus wrote:
I read it over, but I honestly did not see any grammar mistakes! I posted this story on fanfiction.net and they all said it was great! So, I'm confused because it read it over 6 times and I see no mistakes

Maybe I can help you out:

1. They went up to the cashier that was looking bored. (Your cashier is a living thing. The right word to use is who)

2. just waiting to be bought and brought out of the stench of this place. ( Inappropriate grammar. It's just wrong. You can say "taken away from this place's stench")

3. If I didn't complain and scratch them. (Use "or". Much better. And....come to think of it, cats can't complain.

So, these are only a few mistakes. Correct them again. Your story IS great! It's fantastic! Just read really thoroughly and with your knowledge of english, correct it to produce a fabulous piece of work.
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Relora
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 23
Location : Define "Location"

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyThu Oct 27, 2011 5:32 pm

Zepheus wrote:
I read it over, but I honestly did not see any grammar mistakes! I posted this story on fanfiction.net and they all said it was great! So, I'm confused because it read it over 6 times and I see no mistakes

Your friends are just to nice lol

Once your more mature and older and get to high school you'll see all of them. Don't worry though your getting there.
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Zepheus
Senior Fantagian
Zepheus

Posts : 281
Join date : 2011-10-18
Age : 21
Location : Austin, TX

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PostSubject: Re: Story of the cat    Story of the cat  EmptyThu Oct 27, 2011 8:46 pm

Um, none of the people on fanfiction.net are my friends...they're are all complete strangers.
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