| | my poem |  |
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Blue
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3257
Join date : 2011-05-04
Age : 111
Location : How am I supposed to know? D; LOCATING MYSELF IS HARD.
| Subject: my poem  Fri Nov 11, 2011 8:50 pm | |
| Hi, in the morning I just couldn't get sleep. So I wrote a poem.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
There's a ringing sound in my ears
That's waking me up everyday
And there isn't any way
To make it go away!
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
I just cannot sleep,
there's something haunting my dreams
and making my brain go all hazy!
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
I didn't even know
whatever made me write this poem
made all my bad dreams go!
So now I think
I'm gonna write a poem
Every time I can't sleep a wink!
It'll solve my problems always,
as it has done, today!
Please rate, comment and correct it! c:
Sorry if the post's too long...
I can't sleep | |
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Relora
Hero Fantagian
Posts : 6776
Join date : 2010-11-30
Age : 27
Location : Define "Location"
| | Subject: Re: my poem Sat Nov 12, 2011 7:47 am | |
| Seeing as I suck at poems I can't critique but I thought it was funny :3
I kinda think it's like a nursery rhyme poem XD | |
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Blue
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3257
Join date : 2011-05-04
Age : 111
Location : How am I supposed to know? D; LOCATING MYSELF IS HARD.
| | Subject: Re: my poem Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:29 pm | |
| - Relora wrote:
- Seeing as I suck at poems I can't critique but I thought it was funny :3
I kinda think it's like a nursery rhyme poem XD XDD Exactly It was meant to be funny | |
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o
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270
Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23
| | Subject: Re: my poem Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:43 pm | |
| 9/10
some parts didn't rhyme, and if you're going to make most of it rhyme, that means it should be a rhyming poem (the whole thing should rhyme).
but other than that,
amazing for your level!!!!!!!!
XD[strike]
Last edited by hop on Sun Nov 13, 2011 11:08 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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alex
Moderator
Posts : 23507
Join date : 2010-08-10
Age : 25
Location : google maps
| | Subject: Re: my poem Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:45 pm | |
| - hop wrote:
- 9/10
some parts didn't rhyme, and if you're going to make most of it rhyme, that means it should be a rhyming poem (the whole thing should rhyme).
but other than that,
amazing for your level!!!!!!!!
XD whoa. a "rhyming poem" (which is a lymeric) is pretty hard to come up with, and not all of it has to rhyme. it's really nice. : D | |
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o
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270
Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23
| | Subject: Re: my poem Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:51 pm | |
| - Ani wrote:
- hop wrote:
- 9/10
some parts didn't rhyme, and if you're going to make most of it rhyme, that means it should be a rhyming poem (the whole thing should rhyme).
but other than that,
amazing for your level!!!!!!!!
XD whoa. a "rhyming poem" (which is a lymeric) is pretty hard to come up with, and not all of it has to rhyme.
it's really nice. : D It doesn't? Oh. Well, I do a lot of rhyming poems, and I like a lot of rhyming. It's just fun to rhyme.  | |
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Blue
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3257
Join date : 2011-05-04
Age : 111
Location : How am I supposed to know? D; LOCATING MYSELF IS HARD.
| | Subject: Re: my poem Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:56 pm | |
| @Hop- all poems don't ryhme. A poem doesn't have to ryhme if it's a poem. XD.
@Ani- Thanks so much! | |
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o
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270
Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23
| | Subject: Re: my poem Sun Nov 13, 2011 11:00 pm | |
| - -♥Aubrey♥- wrote:
- @Hop- all poems don't ryhme. A poem doesn't have to ryhme if it's a poem. XD.
@Ani- Thanks so much! I know, that's what Ani just said. (points to post above) Again, really good!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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lizzyroxxs
New Fantagian
Posts : 19
Join date : 2011-11-23
Age : 27
Location : Ehh...
| | Subject: Re: my poem Fri Nov 25, 2011 5:06 pm | |
| o.o Sounds like something I would read if I were in 1st grade  But its reallly good. | |
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Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: my poem Fri Nov 25, 2011 5:07 pm | |
| @Hop: Uh, some songs don't rhyme, and a poem is a song with no sound.
--
I really like it. Keep up the good work! |
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Blackrose
Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7338
Join date : 2010-07-20
| | Subject: Re: my poem Fri Nov 25, 2011 5:32 pm | |
| It's awesome! And it really rhymes! nice job | |
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Blue
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3257
Join date : 2011-05-04
Age : 111
Location : How am I supposed to know? D; LOCATING MYSELF IS HARD.
| | Subject: Re: my poem Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:06 pm | |
| Thankies, guys! I like making poems and stories ^^ | |
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candyx3ii
Rookie Fantagian
Posts : 37
Join date : 2011-12-03
Age : 28
Location : Los Angeles
| | Subject: Re: my poem Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:29 am | |
| I like it. And I like poems that don't rhyme. | |
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Blue
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3257
Join date : 2011-05-04
Age : 111
Location : How am I supposed to know? D; LOCATING MYSELF IS HARD.
| | Subject: Re: my poem Thu Dec 08, 2011 7:07 am | |
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