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 My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives

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Makkine
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Makkine

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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptySun Nov 20, 2011 1:30 pm

Hey! I want some motivation, and you guys are awesome so I decided to post it here.
It's rough and unedited, so all critiques are appreciated. There's some profanity. I censored it, but if that bothers you then I'm just warning you.

Prologue, Bread-stale coffee:
 

Chapter 1, Perspectives:
 


Last edited by Makkine on Mon Nov 21, 2011 12:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptySun Nov 20, 2011 1:33 pm

Guurekfdhgfsdgren-- your grammar. It's beautiful.
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Makkine
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Makkine

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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptySun Nov 20, 2011 1:35 pm

Mr.Taost wrote:
Guurekfdhgfsdgren-- your grammar. It's beautiful.
It actually isn't, English teachers hate sentence fragments. Anyway, I'd rather you'd comment on the writing or the story rather than on the grammar. That's like complimenting me for going to school.


Last edited by Makkine on Sun Nov 20, 2011 1:59 pm; edited 2 times in total
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**♥ Anni Hart♥**
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**♥ Anni Hart♥**

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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptySun Nov 20, 2011 1:41 pm

o-o

That.
Was.
BEAUTIFUL 0U0
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Relora
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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptySun Nov 20, 2011 3:28 pm

I always look up to your writing. It's so poetic in nature. Someday I hope to achieve what you can do :3
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Makkine
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Makkine

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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptySun Nov 20, 2011 3:29 pm

@Anni and Relora: Thank you two, much appreciated! C:
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no
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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptySun Nov 20, 2011 3:44 pm

Makki, I love your writing. It's got a lot of depth and hidden meaning, which I like. It reminds me of a puzzle.
I'm no english major, so I can't really give you any critques.
But I have some questions.
"We are were we shouldn’t for a reason."
Either I don't get this, or there's a missing word/spelling mistake.
"And the plot it describes is but the holey curtain before a play starts,"
Holy, or holey?

....That's all.
Great job Makki >u<
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Relora
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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptyMon Nov 21, 2011 10:08 am

Actually when I was reading this, it some how reminded me of the book "1984". Have no clue why though. That might be another reason why I like it xD
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Makkine
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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptyMon Nov 21, 2011 12:13 pm

@Tahtie: "We are where we shouldn't for a reason."
I dunno if it would be clearer had I said "We are where we shouldn't BE for a reason"?
Holey, as in with holes. My spellcheck says it's a word, so ....
FUN FACT: I had originally spelt it "holy" until I realised my typo. So you could be half-right, if I had shown you the original draft :PP

@Relora: 1984? Really? Wow, that's interesting! I dunno how you would connect it to the book, but it's really something (I love 1984, by the way).

Chapter 1, Perspectives:
 


Last edited by Makkine on Mon Nov 21, 2011 12:33 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Oliver
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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptyMon Nov 21, 2011 12:15 pm

sofiafadhausas
this is good okay
okay
OKAY.

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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives 9fc99780-495a-11e3-8f57-068eb587edec
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Relora
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My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives Empty
PostSubject: Re: My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives   My novel - currently on chapter 1, Perspectives EmptyMon Nov 21, 2011 1:58 pm

Makkine wrote:
@Tahtie: "We are where we shouldn't for a reason."
I dunno if it would be clearer had I said "We are where we shouldn't BE for a reason"?
Holey, as in with holes. My spellcheck says it's a word, so ....
FUN FACT: I had originally spelt it "holy" until I realised my typo. So you could be half-right, if I had shown you the original draft :PP

@Relora: 1984? Really? Wow, that's interesting! I dunno how you would connect it to the book, but it's really something (I love 1984, by the way).

Chapter 1, Perspectives:
 

It might be the tone your producing. I can't quite put my finger on it.
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