| Ehh... just a little story. | |
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+3Winnowill Golden-Star MsJoyMaeda 7 posters |
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MsJoyMaeda Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5830 Join date : 2010-12-13 Age : 24
| Subject: Ehh... just a little story. Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:00 pm | |
| - Spoiler:
As I sat in the car alone, I stared out the windows. A flood of cars were on the streets. I tried to count them and keep track, but there was an endless amount to take in. The cars were like a never-ending hurricane. After some time, a heard a whistle in the distance. Then some rusting and grinding. I knew what the sounds belonged to- a train. As more cars zipped by, the train's sounds drained down. A yellow mini-van sliced through the roads- then there was silence. Dead silence. I jumped up from my seat and went to the back of the car- the car's trunk. I lied down on the floor, then zipped my eyes shut. After of what seem like five minutes, I heard a car horn. I got from the floor and looked out the back window. I spotted a car that looked just like mine- except that it was white. The woman inside the car was beeping her horn- at me! I was parked in a parking spot. Why was she beeping at me? Stop honking your horn! I am NOT in your way!, I wanted to shout. But my lips were stuck together, like someone has super-glued them. The woman stopped honking, then continued to drive on. I heard a car zip by.
Then another.
Then another.
Then another, once more.
I turned my head to where the roads were. Cars were flooding the streets and slicing through the roads- the hurricane has returned.
AN EXPLANATION ON HOW I CAME UP WITH THIS STORY: Last night was an activity night at my school. My sister (Alexis) and her boyfriend (Tim) came to pick me up. Alexis said that we were gonna go to McDonalds on the way home. When we found a parking spot, Alexis asked me if I wanted to come in with them or to stay in the car. I wanted to stay in the car. When they got out of the car, that's when I started coming up with this story. I used what was happening around me and what I was doing. I took all the puzzle pieces, arranged them, and then ta da! A story! | |
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Golden-Star Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1818 Join date : 2012-01-13 Age : 111 Location : My Candy Love Academy
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:22 pm | |
| Great story! Just lower down your run-ons and fragments In otherwise, 9/10 Is there another chapter? | |
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MsJoyMaeda Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5830 Join date : 2010-12-13 Age : 24
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:25 pm | |
| - *** Swag Down Pack *** wrote:
- Great story!
Just lower down your run-ons and fragments In otherwise, 9/10 Is there another chapter? Well, no. It was more of a short story. But maybe I can come up with another chapter if you want me to. | |
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Golden-Star Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1818 Join date : 2012-01-13 Age : 111 Location : My Candy Love Academy
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:30 pm | |
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MsJoyMaeda Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5830 Join date : 2010-12-13 Age : 24
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:34 pm | |
| - *** Swag Down Pack *** wrote:
- .D
oh yah Okay. I will come up with the next chapter tomorrow, considering I am making my own animated dance in Mikumikudance. | |
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Golden-Star Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1818 Join date : 2012-01-13 Age : 111 Location : My Candy Love Academy
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:48 pm | |
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Winnowill Loyal Fantagian
Posts : 1929 Join date : 2011-10-28
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:05 am | |
| This was quite well written. You really captured the feeling of a memory, that;s an awesome skill to have as a writer. Your description is impressive... | |
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Alyssa:) Senior Fantagian
Posts : 404 Join date : 2011-09-01 Age : 25 Location : United States
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:42 am | |
| 9/10 Pretty good! I like all the descriptive words & the setting. | |
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troller mcloller Regular Fantagian
Posts : 226 Join date : 2012-03-17 Age : 27 Location : no
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:14 am | |
| 10/10
theres nothing bad in that xD | |
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Flynn Legendary Fantagian
Posts : 12278 Join date : 2012-01-14 Age : 25 Location : The gallows
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:22 am | |
| 9/10. It's a little short, but really good! | |
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Misty Life Regular Fantagian
Posts : 150 Join date : 2012-03-13 Age : 20 Location : I'll tell you later, I'm eating a cookie
| Subject: Re: Ehh... just a little story. Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:38 pm | |
| 9.5/10 its really good actually:3 | |
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