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 Ehh... just a little story.

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Winnowill
Golden-Star
MsJoyMaeda
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MsJoyMaeda
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MsJoyMaeda


Posts : 5830
Join date : 2010-12-13
Age : 24

Ehh... just a little story. Empty
PostSubject: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSat Mar 24, 2012 5:00 pm

Spoiler:


AN EXPLANATION ON HOW I CAME UP WITH THIS STORY:

Last night was an activity night at my school. My sister (Alexis) and her boyfriend (Tim) came to pick me up. Alexis said that we were gonna go to McDonalds on the way home. When we found a parking spot, Alexis asked me if I wanted to come in with them or to stay in the car. I wanted to stay in the car. When they got out of the car, that's when I started coming up with this story. I used what was happening around me and what I was doing. I took all the puzzle pieces, arranged them, and then ta da! A story!




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Golden-Star
Loyal Fantagian
Golden-Star


Posts : 1818
Join date : 2012-01-13
Age : 111
Location : My Candy Love Academy

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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSat Mar 24, 2012 5:22 pm

Great story!
Just lower down your run-ons and fragments
In otherwise, 9/10
Is there another chapter?
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MsJoyMaeda
Hero Fantagian
MsJoyMaeda


Posts : 5830
Join date : 2010-12-13
Age : 24

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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSat Mar 24, 2012 5:25 pm

*** Swag Down Pack *** wrote:
Great story!
Just lower down your run-ons and fragments
In otherwise, 9/10
Is there another chapter?

Well, no. It was more of a short story. But maybe I can come up with another chapter if you want me to.
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Golden-Star
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Golden-Star


Posts : 1818
Join date : 2012-01-13
Age : 111
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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSat Mar 24, 2012 5:30 pm

.D

oh yah
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MsJoyMaeda
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MsJoyMaeda


Posts : 5830
Join date : 2010-12-13
Age : 24

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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSat Mar 24, 2012 5:34 pm

*** Swag Down Pack *** wrote:
.D

oh yah

Okay. I will come up with the next chapter tomorrow, considering I am making my own animated dance in Mikumikudance.
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Golden-Star
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Golden-Star


Posts : 1818
Join date : 2012-01-13
Age : 111
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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSat Mar 24, 2012 5:48 pm

okay .D
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Winnowill
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Winnowill


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Join date : 2011-10-28

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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSun Mar 25, 2012 7:05 am

This was quite well written. You really captured the feeling of a memory, that;s an awesome skill to have as a writer. Your description is impressive...
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Alyssa:)
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Alyssa:)


Posts : 404
Join date : 2011-09-01
Age : 25
Location : United States

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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSun Mar 25, 2012 7:42 am

9/10
Pretty good! I like all the descriptive words & the setting.
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troller mcloller
Regular Fantagian
troller mcloller


Posts : 226
Join date : 2012-03-17
Age : 27
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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSun Mar 25, 2012 8:14 am

10/10

theres nothing bad in that xD
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Flynn
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Flynn


Posts : 12278
Join date : 2012-01-14
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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSun Mar 25, 2012 8:22 am

9/10. It's a little short, but really good! Smile
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Misty Life
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Misty Life


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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitimeSun Mar 25, 2012 2:38 pm

9.5/10 its really good actually:3
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PostSubject: Re: Ehh... just a little story.   Ehh... just a little story. Icon_minitime

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