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 Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen

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. w .
Senior Fantagian


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Join date : 2011-09-18

PostSubject: Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen   Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:21 pm

I gasped with fear and amazement,there were litte faeries flying around looking for home. I ran to Joshes house quickly! I explained he laughed. I dragged him to my house. He gasped. He said sorry for not beliveing i said its ok i told him '' this is magical '' i whispered not to startel the faires he almost screamed i said Shh. But then the faries heard me. i thought in fear i ran out of the house and found a cat on the doorstep. Thats my cat coconut. I petted him.But then Josh said there was a very beatiful sound. i said '' lets watch what happens! '' my cat purrd while i petted her. There was a glow with firey feathers with beatiful feathers and soothing music. Then a giant thing popped out of the air where the faeries did a thing...


To Be Countinued... study


Last edited by pikachu160 on Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:38 am; edited 1 time in total
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Relora
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PostSubject: Re: Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen   Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:24 am

You know there's an edit post button for a reason.


Pretty good though. Your chapters are short but that doesn't bother me. My corrections....

I gasped with fear and amazement, there were little faeries flying around looking for home. I ran to Joshes house quickly! I explained and he just laughed. I dragged him to my house. He gasped. He was sorry for not believing I said its ok I told him '' this is magical '' I whispered not to startle the faeires he almost screamed I said Shh. But then the faeries heard me. I thought in fear i ran out of the house and found a cat on the doorstep. That's my cat coconut. I petted him.But then Josh said there was a very beautiful sound. i said '' lets watch what happens! '' my cat purred while I pet her. There was a glow with fiery feathers with beautiful feathers and soothing music. Then a giant thing popped out of the air where the faeries did a thing...

There was more to correct but I'm sure someone else will go into more depth with it all.

It didn't seem to flow as well as you might have hoped I suggest going back and weeding through any kinks you feel to fix it. Whether it be adding better word choice removing sentences etc.


Last edited by Aurora on Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:27 am; edited 1 time in total
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. w .
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PostSubject: Re: Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen   Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:26 am

>.< thanks and i'm fixing that
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Bubbles
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PostSubject: Re: Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen   Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:26 am

nice try maybe try editing and adding more punctuation ?
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. w .
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PostSubject: Re: Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen   Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:27 am

I'm going to fix that...
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Relora
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PostSubject: Re: Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen   Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:28 am

Don't worry I'm not trying to bash you. I enjoy helping out on the minute little things. Oh and there are two E's in Faeries lol
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Bubbles
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PostSubject: Re: Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen   Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:37 am

good try. more practice and all that should make your future chapters MUCH more better
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PostSubject: Re: Chapter 2 Something magical DID happen   Today at 1:11 pm

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