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 Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)

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PostSubject: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:08 pm

Okay. I typed this on microsoft word first. I may have a few grammar mistakes: please critic on that. I made a first book, but I am still editing so here is my 3rd book series:

Summary


Spoiler:
 


Characters


Spoiler:
 


Okay here is the story c.

~Chapter One- The Game Play

“What do you mean I am partners with Delaney?” I asked Coach Penn. “It’s just that I think you and Abby are partners a lot, since she is your friends, neighbors, and the fact she’s in your gym class.” Coach Penn said fixing her hair.

Brown Hair; AKA: Alice Brown. I am 14 in the 8th grade. I live in California. I go to a school called School for Gifted or SFG. I have tons of friends but I’ll tell you later. By the way Abby is my neighbor and friend. She has curly hair and she is cool to hang with. Delaney Porter was the meanest boy bully at school. I hated him mostly. His groups called the “Crusher 5s” are like the worst gym partners ever.

I sighed. Delaney walked to me. “Hey Alice in Wonderland.” He smirked. “Hello Crusher.” I stubbed his toe. “OW. Dude!”

“It’s ma’am.” I said rolling my eyes. Coach blew her whistle. “Brown! Get your butt over here.”

“Mrs. Penn-”

“Coach!” She yelled. “Coach Penn-I hate my partner. It’s Delaney!” I yelled. Coach shrugged. “Get back to your station and I want you to work this out.” Than she whistled.







~Chapter 2- Home



At home after school, mom was in the kitchen looking through magazines. My brother Cameo ran downstairs. He was 7. “Hey Cam.” I said ruffling his hair. “Hi Alice. Guess what? I got a 91% on my spelling test.” Cameo jumped. “Whoa! That’s the 12th one this year!” I yelled spinning him around. “Hey mom? What you looking for?” Cameo asked.

“I am looking for a place to shop at.” Mom replied. My telephone in my bedroom rang. I rushed upstairs to answer. “Hello?”

“Hey Alice!” My best friend/neighbor said at the other line. “Hi Jennifer.” I said sitting on my bed. Jennifer was new to this town about a year ago. She is very tall, blonde and quite a beauty. She is my bestest friend out of everyone I know. “I heard about the incidence with Delaney.” Jennifer said. “Yah. Come over. We’ll talk.” I said. Jennifer hanged up and came to my house.

“Hi!”

I opened the door for her. Than closed it. “I totally did get partnered up with Delaney. He is a Crusher, Jen. A Crusher!” I flopped on my bed. “I hope Abby only told you.” I said. “Yah. I’ll worn her not to tell.” Jennifer said. I smiled. “So what’s going on in your world?” I asked. “Nothing much. Maria and Katie are having a fun-tastic life though.” Jennifer slouched. Maria was Jennifer’s 10 year old sister. She was smart. Katie was 9 and annoying. She is fun to hang with though for a 9 year old.

“Why?” I asked. “Because, they got to go on a trip. Katie won the Mike Moo concert tickets. Even if I hate that band. Maria and her friend Leslie got to be president and vice for their classes. And me? I have a lame lunch.” Jennifer said. “Wow. I rather have that then been with a Crusher member.” I said. Jen laughed.

Than after that conversation, Abby called. She came over. Sarah-Anne is my other friend. She is blonde and funny. Abby and her had problems back then in the summer. Now they forgave each other and they go to each other’s house every day. Abby was also my bestest friend with Jennifer. We talked about Delaney. “I think he’s cute.” Abby smirked. Jennifer laughed. She isn’t in our school but she knows everything she has to know about my school. Also the whole school knows her. So there is nothing to miss. “I’ve seen Delaney and I think he’s a total goof ball.” Jennifer said.
Abby looked at me. I shrugged. “It’s true.” I said. Mom knocked on my door. “Want anything?” Mom asked. We looked at each other. “Your brownies!” We yelled. At 5’o clock we ate the brownies and talked about Delaney. “Delaney is so cute to me! I got stuck with Crusher 4. Byron.” Abby said chewing.

“No I think that’s Felix.” Jennifer said. “No Felix is Crusher 2.” Abby replied. “No way can he can be. Crusher 2 is Dwain.”

“Jennifer, Felix is number 2.”
“No, Abby. Dwain is.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Uh-huh.”

“Guys! Crusher 1 is Delaney. Crusher 2 is Dwain-”

“Hah! Wasn’t I right Abby?” Jennifer interrupted. Abby folded her arms. I continued. “Crusher 3 is Jai, Crusher 4 is Felix and Byron is number 5.” I said. “Oh.” Abby said.

“Nuh-uh, Abby.” Jennifer said again.
“Uh-huh.”
“Nuh-uh.”

I slammed my head on the table. The last brownie was there. Cameo took it. “Hey!” I said. “Weren’t you arguing?” Cameo walked away.


“Nuh-uh, Abby.” Jennifer said again.
“Uh-huh.”
“Nuh-uh.”


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I
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:19 am

10000000000/10. im also writing a new book but i have no ideas :L.
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:52 am

I love the story! Good job!
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:39 am

Than you! Good luck on ur stoey itsbleh c.

Chapter 3 would be added after school c.
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 8:56 am

I love the story so far i can't wait to see the next chapter
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:19 am

It's okay, though it has the same plot as like 50 million other books. Try making it more original.
I also find the main character annoying, for some reason. She seems like a Mary Sue.
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:45 pm

^ Its not really the same plot and this is original.
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:56 pm

Sorry for double post:

Chapter 3: I didnt think of a name yet ;o
(btw my name is in it cuz i couldn't think of a background characters name0

“Is it really hard for you to do one push up?” Delaney asked the next day at gym. I rolled my eyes. “Yes it is. I am a girl.” I got up and dust my clothes off. Delaney gave me a glare. “And?”

“And-I am a girl.” I said again. Coach blew her whistle. “GROUP AROUND ME!” She yelled. Everyone circled her. “We are having a school Olympics. You and your partner will compete against 2 other partners in another 8th grade gym class.”

Delaney shook his head. “Anything wrong Porter?” Coach asked. He nodded. “What if you have a lame, girly girl partner who can’t do a push up? Can they compete?”

Coach thought. “Yes!” She hollered. Delaney dropped his shoulders. I rolled my eyes. Everyone looked at the clock. Time to go back to class. At the girl’s locker room, Abby was digging through her locker. It was a total mess. “Abby? What are you looking for?” I asked. “My clothes. It’s not in here. I remember putting everything I needed in here.” Abby said. Allison came to her. “Maybe it’s in your locker. You always forget things in your regular school locker.” She said. Abby snapped her fingers. “Thank Al.” Abby said running to her school locker.

“Hey Allison?” I tapped her. “Hey Alice.” Allison waved. “Can I get out of the Olympic thing? I know you are the Gym Consular.” I said. Allison shook her head. “No sorry. Coach will never let some leave. Especially me.” Allison said walking away. Great, I thought.

Chapter 4: (no name)

At Abby’s house which was at my friend Bella’s was full. This is a story of Bella and Abby. Bella is an orange-red hair girl with freckles and glasses. She is smart and 13 years old. Bella’s parents divorced 3 months ago and Bella and her sister Sally stayed in one house with their mom. One month later, Abby’s mom divorced her dad and Bella and Abby’s parents got married to each other. Abby has a baby brother but he stayed with the father. Now Bella, Abby, Sarah, Mrs. Baker, and Mr. Jones are now a family. The end.


Abby was busy babysitting, Sally was gone, the parents were doing paper work and Bella sat there alone. “Hi Bells.” I said sitting next to her. “Oh, hi Alice.”

“You want to take a walk?” I asked. So we did. It was slow though. I asked Bella about her day and she told me a whole story book. After the first 15 pages I stopped listening. “Also Mia and I are hopefully….”

“Maybe I wish…”
“But Mallory was like….”
“Sally told mom that she was busy again…..”


“Oh okay.” I said. After that long talk, I went home. I was so mad. I didn’t want to go to school tomorrow. Gym is going be for 3 weeks everyday, until the Olympics come. Grr!


Chapter 5: (no name Razz)

“Its day 2 and we need some progress.” Coach Penn said looking at Delaney and me. “Otherwise, who will take home a trophy?”

“How are we going to resolve our failure in a couple of weeks?” I asked Delaney. “Maybe we can go to each others house on Saturday’s and-”

“Oh no.” I stopped Delaney. “Nope. I am not coming to your house.”

“Why not?” Delaney asked. “Because, your room could be filled with bones.” I said. “I don’t kill people!” Delaney stomped. “No I mean you attack them with your meanness.” I said. Delaney folded his arms. “Okay than, fine. If you don’t want to come to my place, we’ll go to yours.”

I looked at Delaney. He was sweaty and his clothes were stained. His hair was a mess and his shoes looked like it was thrown in mud and got ran over 600 times by a truck. “Hello??” Delaney waved a hand in front of me. “Okay.” I sighed. “But, you have to look proper. I don’t want my little brother to see a bad influence of you.” I said. “Well excuse me.” Delaney said walking away.

In the locker room I dumped my clothes in a plastic and thrown it in my bag. It was time for Social Studies with Mr. Henry. I was glad my other friend Pamela was there. She is a life saver for me when it comes to S.S.

Comments, Critics?





















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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 1:01 pm

I'll rate it 5.5/10.
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 1:14 pm

Well thank u C.

not really
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:31 pm

Sorry for tht double post again i wont do it anymore:

I decide i am cancelling my story. Sorry .c
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:54 pm

You shouldn't cancel your story by someone else's opinion.
I really like this story, but the chapters should be a little longer. c:
But Nice Job Swag, I really like your story. I would rate this 8.7/10 ;]
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:58 pm

thank u kat c.
and i wont cancel them anymore c.
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PostSubject: Re: Best Friends Forever: Alice and the Crushers(book)   Today at 7:47 pm

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