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 a song by me

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Cherry
Usui
Lord Voldemort
Snow
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emopowerXD
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emopowerXD
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emopowerXD


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Join date : 2012-11-07

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PostSubject: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 6:47 pm

i wrote a song poem it expresses my soul

pian saddnes
my heart is like a rollar coster, flying out of control
my ears are like spearkes, and so is my mouth
my eyes are jelws, being dersytruoed by the miners of axes
i cant do it much linger
i cant be mindededed
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o
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Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23

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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 6:54 pm

Sorry You Need To Work On Your Grammar You Have Lot's Of Spelling Errors.

Maybe Try Fixing It First.
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emopowerXD
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emopowerXD


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 6:55 pm

NOMGET OUT MY POEM WAS DEPE ANDD ARKA DN EMOTINLA YOUR DUMB IHATE U IMGONNA CRY DXXX
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o
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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 6:57 pm

emopowerXD wrote:
NOMGET OUT MY POEM WAS DEPE ANDD ARKA DN EMOTINLA YOUR DUMB IHATE U IMGONNA CRY DXXX

You Need To Not Overact When People Say Things Just Speak Calmly. I Am Just Pointing Out All Of Your Flaws In A Way That Doesnt' Help At All And Calling It A "Critique". You Should Be Grateful.
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Snow
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Snow


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Join date : 2012-08-21
Age : 21
Location : Forever young

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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 6:58 pm

emopowerXD wrote:
NOMGET OUT MY POEM WAS DEPE ANDD ARKA DN EMOTINLA YOUR DUMB IHATE U IMGONNA CRY DXXX

I agree with ouch you need better grammer.
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Guest
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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 6:59 pm

I'm confused. I'm sorry I'm just a little kid.
Better grammar would help a ton.

This poem is depressing though.
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emopowerXD
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emopowerXD


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 7:01 pm

U GUYS R MEAN DXXXXXXX
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o
Veteran Fantagian



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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 7:05 pm

Please Do Not Think We Are Mean.

We Are Only Telling You How You Did A Bad Job And Then Acting Like We're The Nice Ones.
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Lord Voldemort
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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 7:17 pm

Aww this is such a nice poem, it speaks on how you feel. BUT what you could do is fix your spelling, but it's pretty good!

@ALL OF YHU! Guys be nice, she's new to the forum and obviously quite young, so please. Calm down.
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Usui
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Usui


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 7:18 pm

Nice poem, but there is a few grammar mistakes.
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o
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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 7:26 pm

Deepest~Blue wrote:
@ALL OF YHU! Guys be nice, she's new to the forum and obviously quite young, so please. Calm down.

haha dont worry all of my posts were sarcastic Wink
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Cherry
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Cherry


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 7:49 pm

Hello there EmoPower (What a pretty name)
And welcome to the forum, I'm Kat

Your poem/what you say as a song is very lovely, but maybe you should check your grammar
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Lord Voldemort
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Lord Voldemort


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 8:03 pm

IT'S NOT GRAMMAR! She seperated it by lines. It's a poem. IT JUST NEEDS SPELL CHECK, but it's a nice poem.
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SilverBell
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SilverBell


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeWed Nov 07, 2012 8:04 pm

Spelling is my critique. I honestly don't know what to think about this poem.
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Flynn
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Flynn


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeThu Nov 08, 2012 6:05 am

emopowerXD wrote:
i wrote a song poem it expresses my soul

Pain sadness
my heart is like a roller coaster, flying out of control
my ears are like sparks, and so is my mouth
my eyes are jewels, being destroyed by the miners of axes
I can't do it much longer
I can't be mind dead

I corrected your spelling. Tell me if I didn't translate something correctly.
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Lord Voldemort
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Lord Voldemort


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeThu Nov 08, 2012 7:14 am

emopowerXD wrote:
i wrote a song poem it expresses my soul

pain sadness
my heart is like a roller coaster, flying out of control
my ears are like speakers, and so is my mouth
my eyes are jewels, being destroyed by the miners of axes
i cant do it much longer
i cant be mind dead

Here you go emopower, this is what I thought it said, and I love how you can share your feelings with us. If I got anything wrong tell me.. Thanks.
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Flynn
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Flynn


Posts : 12278
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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeThu Nov 08, 2012 7:17 am

Deepest~Blue wrote:
emopowerXD wrote:
i wrote a song poem it expresses my soul

pain sadness
my heart is like a roller coaster, flying out of control
my ears are like speakers, and so is my mouth
my eyes are jewels, being destroyed by the miners of axes
i cant do it much longer
i cant be mind dead

Here you go emopower, this is what I thought it said, and I love how you can share your feelings with us. If I got anything wrong tell me.. Thanks.

Why did I read the second line as "sparks"?
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Lenka
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Lenka


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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeThu Nov 08, 2012 9:51 am

I couldn't really understand it, but I'm assuming you're quite young, so you'll defiantly get better as you get older Smile

Nice use of similes and metaphors!
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Surpris3đ
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Surpris3đ


Posts : 272
Join date : 2010-12-15
Age : 24
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PostSubject: Re: a song by me    a song by me  Icon_minitimeMon Nov 12, 2012 2:55 am

Not bad but you can improve your spelling and grammar!
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