| | a song by me |  |
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+6Cherry Usui Lord Voldemort Snow o emopowerXD 10 posters |
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emopowerXD
New Fantagian
Posts : 8
Join date : 2012-11-07
| Subject: a song by me  Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:47 pm | |
| i wrote a song poem it expresses my soul
pian saddnes
my heart is like a rollar coster, flying out of control
my ears are like spearkes, and so is my mouth
my eyes are jelws, being dersytruoed by the miners of axes
i cant do it much linger
i cant be mindededed | |
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o
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270
Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:54 pm | |
| Sorry You Need To Work On Your Grammar You Have Lot's Of Spelling Errors.
Maybe Try Fixing It First. | |
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emopowerXD
New Fantagian
Posts : 8
Join date : 2012-11-07
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:55 pm | |
| NOMGET OUT MY POEM WAS DEPE ANDD ARKA DN EMOTINLA YOUR DUMB IHATE U IMGONNA CRY DXXX | |
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o
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270
Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:57 pm | |
| - emopowerXD wrote:
- NOMGET OUT MY POEM WAS DEPE ANDD ARKA DN EMOTINLA YOUR DUMB IHATE U IMGONNA CRY DXXX
You Need To Not Overact When People Say Things Just Speak Calmly. I Am Just Pointing Out All Of Your Flaws In A Way That Doesnt' Help At All And Calling It A "Critique". You Should Be Grateful. | |
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Snow
Legendary Fantagian
Posts : 11487
Join date : 2012-08-21
Age : 22
Location : Forever young
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:58 pm | |
| - emopowerXD wrote:
- NOMGET OUT MY POEM WAS DEPE ANDD ARKA DN EMOTINLA YOUR DUMB IHATE U IMGONNA CRY DXXX
I agree with ouch you need better grammer. | |
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Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:59 pm | |
| I'm confused. I'm sorry I'm just a little kid.
Better grammar would help a ton.
This poem is depressing though. |
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emopowerXD
New Fantagian
Posts : 8
Join date : 2012-11-07
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 7:01 pm | |
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o
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270
Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 7:05 pm | |
| Please Do Not Think We Are Mean.
We Are Only Telling You How You Did A Bad Job And Then Acting Like We're The Nice Ones. | |
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Lord Voldemort
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705
Join date : 2012-08-28
Age : 25
Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 7:17 pm | |
| Aww this is such a nice poem, it speaks on how you feel. BUT what you could do is fix your spelling, but it's pretty good!
@ALL OF YHU! Guys be nice, she's new to the forum and obviously quite young, so please. Calm down. | |
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Usui
Hero Fantagian
Posts : 5275
Join date : 2011-09-09
Age : 24
Location : Worldbuscus
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 7:18 pm | |
| Nice poem, but there is a few grammar mistakes. | |
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o
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4270
Join date : 2011-11-11
Age : 23
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 7:26 pm | |
| - Deepest~Blue wrote:
- @ALL OF YHU! Guys be nice, she's new to the forum and obviously quite young, so please. Calm down.
haha dont worry all of my posts were sarcastic  | |
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Cherry
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3690
Join date : 2012-07-26
Age : 24
Location : Shmwhere
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 7:49 pm | |
| Hello there EmoPower (What a pretty name)
And welcome to the forum, I'm Kat
Your poem/what you say as a song is very lovely, but maybe you should check your grammar | |
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Lord Voldemort
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705
Join date : 2012-08-28
Age : 25
Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 8:03 pm | |
| IT'S NOT GRAMMAR! She seperated it by lines. It's a poem. IT JUST NEEDS SPELL CHECK, but it's a nice poem. | |
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SilverBell
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3309
Join date : 2012-08-29
Age : 22
Location : A room in a house in a city in a county in a state in a country in a continent in a planet in a solar system in a galaxy in a universe
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Wed Nov 07, 2012 8:04 pm | |
| Spelling is my critique. I honestly don't know what to think about this poem. | |
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Flynn
Legendary Fantagian
Posts : 12278
Join date : 2012-01-14
Age : 25
Location : The gallows
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Thu Nov 08, 2012 6:05 am | |
| - emopowerXD wrote:
- i wrote a song poem it expresses my soul
Pain sadness
my heart is like a roller coaster, flying out of control
my ears are like sparks, and so is my mouth
my eyes are jewels, being destroyed by the miners of axes
I can't do it much longer
I can't be mind dead I corrected your spelling. Tell me if I didn't translate something correctly. | |
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Lord Voldemort
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705
Join date : 2012-08-28
Age : 25
Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:14 am | |
| - emopowerXD wrote:
- i wrote a song poem it expresses my soul
pain sadness
my heart is like a roller coaster, flying out of control
my ears are like speakers, and so is my mouth
my eyes are jewels, being destroyed by the miners of axes
i cant do it much longer
i cant be mind dead Here you go emopower, this is what I thought it said, and I love how you can share your feelings with us. If I got anything wrong tell me.. Thanks. | |
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Flynn
Legendary Fantagian
Posts : 12278
Join date : 2012-01-14
Age : 25
Location : The gallows
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:17 am | |
| - Deepest~Blue wrote:
- emopowerXD wrote:
- i wrote a song poem it expresses my soul
pain sadness
my heart is like a roller coaster, flying out of control
my ears are like speakers, and so is my mouth
my eyes are jewels, being destroyed by the miners of axes
i cant do it much longer
i cant be mind dead
Here you go emopower, this is what I thought it said, and I love how you can share your feelings with us. If I got anything wrong tell me.. Thanks. Why did I read the second line as "sparks"? | |
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Lenka
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3929
Join date : 2012-06-17
Location : clap aloNG IF YOU FeeL THA t hapPINESS IS THE //TRUTH//
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:51 am | |
| I couldn't really understand it, but I'm assuming you're quite young, so you'll defiantly get better as you get older  Nice use of similes and metaphors! | |
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Surpris3đ
Senior Fantagian
Posts : 272
Join date : 2010-12-15
Age : 24
Location : N/A
| | Subject: Re: a song by me Mon Nov 12, 2012 2:55 am | |
| Not bad but you can improve your spelling and grammar! | |
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