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 The 89th Hunger Games (STORY)

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Primrose
Ultimate Fantagian
Primrose

Posts : 8310
Join date : 2011-08-27
Age : 16
Location : District 12

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PostSubject: The 89th Hunger Games (STORY)   The 89th Hunger Games (STORY) EmptySun Aug 11, 2013 12:01 am

I'm going to write the story of the 89th Hunger Games.  
Tributes:
 

Opal and Bronze are the main characters.

Chapter 1:
 
Chapter 2:
 
Chapter 3:
 
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flower
Hero Fantagian


Posts : 7482
Join date : 2012-12-20
Age : 18

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PostSubject: Re: The 89th Hunger Games (STORY)   The 89th Hunger Games (STORY) EmptyMon Aug 12, 2013 9:44 am

I really like it so far.

My only suggestion would be to try writing in present tense, rather than past tense, because it makes everything seem more dramatic, and with past tense, you're just telling a story rather than showing your emotions and stuff. If that made sense.

Example:
I was terrified as I entered the square. The escort came on stage. I held my breath as she chose the slip. Then, I heard my name. "Farty Mc. Fart pants!"

Terrified, I enter the square, just as the escort climbs on stage. I hold my breath as she chooses one of the slips. Then, I hear my name being called. "FART MC.FARTPANTS!"

**That's not from your writing, just a mild example.**
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Primrose
Ultimate Fantagian
Primrose

Posts : 8310
Join date : 2011-08-27
Age : 16
Location : District 12

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PostSubject: Re: The 89th Hunger Games (STORY)   The 89th Hunger Games (STORY) EmptyMon Aug 12, 2013 5:57 pm

Angellina wrote:
I really like it so far.

My only suggestion would be to try writing in present tense, rather than past tense, because it makes everything seem more dramatic, and with past tense, you're just telling a story rather than showing your emotions and stuff. If that made sense.

Example:
I was terrified as I entered the square. The escort came on stage. I held my breath as she chose the slip. Then, I heard my name. "Farty Mc. Fart pants!"

Terrified, I enter the square, just as the escort climbs on stage. I hold my breath as she chooses one of the slips. Then, I hear my name being called. "FART MC.FARTPANTS!"

**That's not from your writing, just a mild example.**
That's really funny!
Thanks for the advice, though. I'll make sure to use it.
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