| | The 89th Hunger Games (STORY) | |
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Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: The 89th Hunger Games (STORY) Sun Aug 11, 2013 12:01 am | |
| I'm going to write the story of the 89th Hunger Games. - Tributes:
District 1 - Opal Penny, Bronze Penny. District 2 - Jane Cross, Miles Kloth. District 3 - ???, ???. District 4 - ???, ???. District 5 - Nova Lundre, ??? District 6 - ???, ???. District 7 - Laurette Timber, Axel Johnson. District 8 - Twill Alambre, ???. District 9 - ???, ???. District 10 - ???, ???. District 11 - Demeter Naurie, ???. District 12 - ???, ???.
Opal and Bronze are the main characters. - Chapter 1:
I woke up early in the morning. I was nervous and sweaty. I was more pale than usual.. and I was cold. I stood up, out of my bed. I walked out the door and walked down the hall. I peeked into Bronze and Topaz's room. They're twins. Both of them are 16. So they share a room. Both of them are the same size, abot 5"9. Topaz has long ashy blonde hair, which is straight, with bangs. She also has seaweed green eyes. Bronze has the same ashy blonde hair, which is also straight. He has the same green eyes and same tanned skin. I continued walking down the hall, and peeked into my parent's room. Dad was sleeping alone in the bed. His dark brown hair and brown eyes were shut somehow forcefully. His face was showing lots of pain. His knees were at his chest. One of his arms was wrapped around his knees and his other hand was stretched out to the other side of the bed, where my mom used to be. I sighed and looked at the sky. It had almost been a month until mom passed away. Nothing has really been the same. I stuck my head out and walked down the hall. I finally reached the kitchen. I saw my reflection on the oven mirror - curly light blonde hair, light blue eyes, pale skin and light freckles over my cheeks. I opened a shelve and made myself some hot chocolate. I brought it to my lips and took a sip. I smiled at the warm sensation. I walked back to my room and sat on my bed, which had a floral bedspread and a long, pink canopy on top. I placed my head on the pillow and finished off my hot chocolate. I am only 12 years old. The reaping is tomorrow, and I am terrified. My parents tell me it's a honor and that I shouldn't be afraid, because the Careers will volunteer for me. I must admit, the Career thing makes me feel a little better, but what if no one volunteers? What if I, Opal Penny, become a tribute? I put the empty mug of hot chocolate in my nightstand. I closed my eyes and couldn't sleep. I took a sleeping mask from my parent's room and placed it over my eyes. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours after, I didn't dare take the mask off of me. I fell asleep quickly again. I woke up hours later. Dad came into the room and shook me awake. He slid off the mask and got me up on my feet. I am not very tall. I'm only about 4"7. He brought me into my walking closet and took off my silk pajamas, leaving me in my underwear. He selected a light pink dress decorated with pastel blue fake flowers. I pointed at a pair of white stockings, black shoes that seem like tap shoes and a small pink hat. He smiled at me. "That looks good." Then he picked out white gloves. I nodded and changed into those clothes. He took me into the bathroom and framed my light blue eyes with eyeliner and nothing else. I went to eat breakfast and found my siblings. Topaz was wearing a braid and a light blue dress. Bronze was wearing a dark blue suit with a black tie and a black belt. Dad had his hair put back and was wearing a black suit. I finished eating and drank my orange juice quickly. Bronze was holding Topaz's hand, and I held onto Bronze's hand. We walked out of the house together. Dad was walking before us and he was walking quickly. I walked slowly down the paved street and arrived at the square.
- Chapter 2:
I was separated from my siblings. I stood in a line of people, as I reached a desk covered in a thick brown tablecloth. A woman with white gloves used a strange machine on my finger. Blood started coming out. Then she took my finger and pressed it on a white sheet of paper. She used a scanner and scanned my bloody fingerprint. "Next!" She yelled. So then I walked into a crowd of nervous 12-year-olds. There were kids that were taller and shorter than me, most of them had blonde hair though a few had light brown hair. The square was full of people now. The escort arrived on stage, out of the building. "Welcome, welcome, District 1! Today is the reaping for the 89th Hunger Games!" She said. Then a video flashed on screen. When it ended, she grabbed the microphone. "As usual, ladies first." She said. Her hand entered the transparent bowl and she picked out a white paper. "Opal Penny!" She yelled. I couldn't believe it.
- Chapter 3:
I started sweating. Then Topaz cam e running after me. "I.." She whispered. "I.. I volunteer!" Topaz yelled. "NO! NO!" I yelled on top of her, that way Topaz wasn't heard. She came down to me, running, and was about to tell me something when the Peacekeepers put her back into the crowd. She had a worried expression. I was taken onto the stage, next to the escort, who looked at me with a face of empathy and disgust. She walked over to the bowl of boys and took out a paper. "Hunter Jeffrey!" She yelled out. A 13-year-old came out of the crowd. He had pale skin, brown eyes and blonde hair. Then I heard something that made me bite my lip. "I volunteer!" Bronze yelled. "I volunteer as a tribute!" Bronze yelled. What the heck was he doing? Bronze was taken up to the stage, and he stood right next to me. "What is your name, honey?" She asked. "Bronze.. Bronze Penny." He said. "Oh, siblings!" She exclaimed and looked at the both of us.
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| | | flower Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7482 Join date : 2012-12-20 Age : 22
| Subject: Re: The 89th Hunger Games (STORY) Mon Aug 12, 2013 9:44 am | |
| I really like it so far.
My only suggestion would be to try writing in present tense, rather than past tense, because it makes everything seem more dramatic, and with past tense, you're just telling a story rather than showing your emotions and stuff. If that made sense.
Example: I was terrified as I entered the square. The escort came on stage. I held my breath as she chose the slip. Then, I heard my name. "Farty Mc. Fart pants!"
Terrified, I enter the square, just as the escort climbs on stage. I hold my breath as she chooses one of the slips. Then, I hear my name being called. "FART MC.FARTPANTS!"
**That's not from your writing, just a mild example.** | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The 89th Hunger Games (STORY) Mon Aug 12, 2013 5:57 pm | |
| - Angellina wrote:
- I really like it so far.
My only suggestion would be to try writing in present tense, rather than past tense, because it makes everything seem more dramatic, and with past tense, you're just telling a story rather than showing your emotions and stuff. If that made sense.
Example: I was terrified as I entered the square. The escort came on stage. I held my breath as she chose the slip. Then, I heard my name. "Farty Mc. Fart pants!"
Terrified, I enter the square, just as the escort climbs on stage. I hold my breath as she chooses one of the slips. Then, I hear my name being called. "FART MC.FARTPANTS!"
**That's not from your writing, just a mild example.** That's really funny! Thanks for the advice, though. I'll make sure to use it. | |
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