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| The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] | |
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Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:50 pm | |
| This is a story I came up with, about the 100th Hunger Games. Yes, this will be like the RP I started. I don't mean the characters, I mean the arena and the rules. --------------- - Chapter 1 "The Beginning":
I woke up, yet another time, sweaty. I had no idea what time it was, but from the look of the cold world outside my window, I realized it was probably pretty darn early in the morning. I slid out of bed, careful not to wake up my sister sleeping next to me. I was in a thick top and tight pants. I stood up and headed for my walking closet. Or what I called, a walking closet. It was a very small room with multiple shelves and clothes racks. On a corner, there laid an old mirror, coated in thin layers of dust and powder. I stood near the mirror, catching sight of my dyed dark brown hair and how it faded into a blonde as it got closer to the ends. I quickly put on a light pink dress and pat it down. Then I go to my bathroom and reach for my make-up. The next few hours are just about me getting ready for the reaping, the tragic event I'm forced to attend every year. Let's just be glad this is the last year. The next time, I'll be 19 and out of risk. Let's just say, I am very curious about what change they'll be making to this one. After all, its the 100th Hunger Games, and I'm expecting a major change.
All of this took less time than I expected. I was done right before sunrise. I decided to give myself a break and sat out on the fields and watched one of those beauties of nature. I took long, deep breaths and enjoyed the moment dearly. My head took off, locked in the clouds, thinking deeply. Suddenly, I was interrupted and snapped right back to Earth. Something was pulling several strands of my hair. I bit my lip and held in a scream. "Alright! Who did that?" I yelled out in pain and anger, to find my sister behind me.
She's a beauty. She is as sweet as a fresh-picked fruit, with her short hazel straight hair up to the middle of her neck, with light green eyes, big and round, skin barely touched by sun. She is very short but well-fed, she's average for her age, considering she's turning six in a couple months. I looked into her eyes and shook my head. "What'd you do that for?" She shrugged innocently, blushing red with embarrassment and looking down at her feet. "Mom said you're going to be late. I tried telling you, but you weren't looking, so I had to come up with a way to catch your attention!" She said, looking up at me. I smiled and ran my hand through her soft hair, fluffing it slightly. Apparently, she had been calling and I was too distracted to notice. I had no answer to that.
I entered the house, mom was on the kitchen. "Violet, I woke up and you weren't there. You got me frightened about you. Please don't scare me like that, ever again!" My mother complained. I had no answer to that either, I just nodded. Well, now you know. My name is Violet, Violet Cosby. I believe I haven't mentioned my sister's name either. Her name is Mia, and my mother's name is Darlyn. We are an all-girls family, just because my father and my younger brother, previously the middle sibling, passed away on a fishing trip, and I am afraid I have no idea why.
There wasn't much talking on the table as we took our breakfast. "Who do you think will be reaped this year?" My mother asked, hoping to break the silence. "Hopefully that girl, Robin, and that guy, Derek." I answered, getting a nod of approval from my mother and sister. Both the people I had mentioned were 18. Robin was a fighter and a good hunter. Derek, is a hot muscly guy with clearly lots of training and knowledge about survival. So if both of them were reaped, District 2 might win this year. Then a doubt crosses my mind. "But, what will be different this year? They haven't announced it yet, and I find that very strange." I said.
I finished my breakfast and stood up, standing on my ballerina shoes and started to twirl my hair. "Who is gonna take care of Mia?" I asked. "Well, she's gonna be fine. We should just be gone for an hour, and the dog should take care of her just well." My mother commented, referring to Rulf, the only male of the family. He is a big husky with soft fur and a kind heart. We've had him since he was a puppy. I remember when I got him very clearly.
I was about 14. I was walking around the District, looking for something to do. I ran my fingers through my hair and stopped when I heard soft barks followed by gentle whimpers. I took off and ran, to find a tiny puppy. He was bleeding, an arrow had cut onto its skin. I gasped and picked it up, and found someone was trying to kill the animal, probably to eat it and sell the skin. I recognized the boy was probably desperate, and even though I had a knife, I let him go. Luckily, it was a very shallow cut, and he was able to survive. Mom wasn't very excited, but she congratulated me anyway. Then I named him Rulf, and we've had him ever since.
I closed my eyes and let Rulf in. He was very quiet, but that changed soon. "Who's a good boy? Who's a goody-good boy?" I said, in a silly high-pitched tone, the one you would use to make a baby giggle or talk to a puppy, but Rulf was no puppy. I passed my hands through his fur. It got stuck down on a couple knots, so I took it off, blowing on my hand, as I tried to get the fur and fuzz out of it. I realized I was wearing my ring under it. I had made it as a little kid, or decorated it.
I was five, and I found a golden ring. I was young, and I was unaware of how much it would be worth. Don't ask me how I found it, i barely remember at all, but I'm pretty sure I didn't steal it. That's for sure. I might've just found it at the floor somewhere.. maybe on school? I don't remember. I didn't know what to do with it, but I ripped apart an old dress that didn't fit me and soaked different pieces in different-colored dye. I waited for it to dry and pasted it on the ring to decorate it.
It came out pretty well, and I remember showing it to my mother, she thought I stole it and then complained for not showing her before. She said the fabric made it worthless and she couldn't sell it anymore, so she let me keep it. However, there's a secret I must keep. The thing is, there actually was a way to clean the ring, but nobody knows how to. This ring meant so much to me, and if I get reaped, this will be my token.
It had been so long since I had seen that ring. I thought I lost it. I know it didn't look like it mattered to me, but I would be devastated once I noticed it was missing. I smiled at sight of the ring, covered in beautiful colors, some of them wearing off. "Mom, when's the repaing starting?" I asked. "Pretty soon, honey. We should get going." My mother said, smiling at me as she held my hand. "Mia, sweet sweet Mia, stay with Rulf, alright? Don't let any strangers into the house." My mother said, grabbing my arm as we left.
- Chapter 2 "The Reaping":
arrived at The Reaping, as usual. I hated this, I hated this every year, and I bet.. I bet, most of the boys and girls in here despise The Reaping. I still can't believe some people actually consider this a honor. The Games are plainly and in all seriousness, utterly disturbing. Killing, killing.. it makes me sick. If I was reaped, I probably wouldn't even survive the bloodbath.. I might know how to hunt and fish from trips with my father, but it scarred me after the incident, and I think I won't be able to do it for a while..
My father was kind.. He'd always make me feel good during The Reaping.. Now that he's not here, it feels empty. My mother might still be nice to me, but she isn't of much help. She'll never replace dad, never.. ever. It won't be the same. I stood in the crowd of the 18-year olds, feeling as nervous as ever. The 100th Hunger Games.. what could come this year? I stood there, thinking carefully, as if someone was watching them, as if they could hear them, as if they were being recorded. I watched as the District mayor stood proudly on stage, a paper in his hand.
"Hello, people of District 2." He spoke, "I will be announcing the 4th Quarter Quell, and I am very happy to see everyone is doing alright this fine morning." He paused, then slowly winked twice to let the audience know they should clap. That way, in a couple of seconds, the place was filled with loud claps and whistles. The mayor nodded and got closer to the microphone, gripping it tightly. "On this very special ocassion, every tribute will be provided with a small animal, related to your district to help you along the way. They will be provided at the Cornucopia, each with the district number in its fur. You may only take the one for your district, but the first one to get it will keep it. There will only be one, so either the district male of female will get it. Thanks for beinf such a wonderful audience, and now I shall present you, Jan, our wonderful escort, who's just arrived from the great Capitol."
The mayor let go of the microphone, and it wobbled for a few seconds on its silver, circle-shaped base, and finally got back onto place. The mayor sat back on his seat at the back of the stage, and Jan, the escort, stood up from the chair right next to him. Jan had short blonde hair, completely straight but it has a big curl on each sides at the ends. It looked so fake it was probably a wig or just some stupid hairstyle that's had taken hours to make. Jan had very pale skin and heavy makeup, including a gold and blue shiny eyeliner framing her light green eyes and long, glittery, fake eyelashes attached, and a matte silver color as eyeshadow. Her cheeks were gold, blue and pink, her features oddly defined, and then she was using a nude pink lipgloss with a bit of sparkle.
Her outfit consisted a long, gold, glittery, sleeveless top with a pink ribbon tied to her waist with a tiny pink jacket on top and tight black pants. Then I looked down at her shoes.. she was wearing black high heels which made her tall, just like if she were to touch the sky. She was wearing a black top hat, her full body decorated with shiny pearls and necklaces, bracelets and more. In my opinion, it was a bit overdone. Take a few things off and I'd put it on.. maybe.
The colors were almost blinding me, the sun was reflecting on all of the glitter on her outfit. It was just like golden rays were falling down the sky, shining on several of the people standing in the crowd. She wobbled a bit on her heels and laughed, trying to charm the audience and convince them it was planned, not a mistake. By the time she reached the microphone, I was so nervous I could be biting my nails and already be done with one hand. Jan eyed the reaping balls, smiling, and then turned her face back to the crowd.
Jan put her hand to her hip, ready to begin. She cleared her throat, making a quiet sound, however, it was catched by the microphone and bounced all over the place. Jan looked down for a couple of seconds in embarrassment, as the audience went silent. "Oops, I apologise for that," were the first words she managed to say. I could tell Jan was new at this. Anyone who saw her would instantly realize she was trying too hard, and making herself look like a fool in the process.
Jan nervously placed her shaky hands on the microphone, and looked at the audience, a smile crawling up her face as she got used to the feeling of speeking in public. I was dying of anxiety, unable to wait as long as this could take. Jan tumbled from side to side in nervousness, and put her left hand back on her hip. "Well, now that the mayor has presented the most important things," She said quite loudly, as it boomed through the speakers, I could notice her thick Capitol accent. "Let's get started with The Reaping!" She said excitedly, as she walked the distance to the Female Reaping Ball. "So, as usual, girls and women first!"
Jan placed her hand on the transparent bowl, and used her fingers to stir the papers around a bit before she caught one. "Alright, who will our tribute be?" She said, voice loud. I could see her lips pronouncing the word "Yay!" as she took it off. She was about to unfold it when it slipped through her fingers. "Too bad, bad luck." She said, and picked up another one three times as fast as she did before. "You aren't leaving my grip now." She whispered. I just thought that woman was mad. She unfolded the paper. This one didn't fall off. "Our Female Tribute for the 100th Hunger Games is.." She paused and looked through the audience, especially at the group of 18-year-olds. She continued to pass her hands firmly through her hair. "Violet, Violet Cosby!"
------------------ That's all I've done so far.
Last edited by Symphony~. on Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:42 pm; edited 3 times in total | |
| | | flower Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7482 Join date : 2012-12-20 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:53 pm | |
| First of all, I like how you chose past tense and stuck to it. Most writers sometimes switch from present tense to past tense, and It gets a bit confusing. However, there is absolutely nothing provided about what district she's from. The only information you give about the character is that she has red dyed hair that's faded, is turning 19, and that she has a sister. If you didn't say she had a pink dress worn out, we wouldn't know her gender, either. However, It's okay so far and I'm pretty interested. | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:01 pm | |
| - Flower wrote:
- First of all, I like how you chose past tense and stuck to it. Most writers sometimes switch from present tense to past tense, and It gets a bit confusing. However, there is absolutely nothing provided about what district she's from. The only information you give about the character is that she has red dyed hair that's faded, is turning 19, and that she has a sister. If you didn't say she had a pink dress worn out, we wouldn't know her gender, either. However, It's okay so far and I'm pretty interested.
I am well aware I haven't mentioned that, and it wasn't on purpose. I couldn't find the right spot to fit it in, but it will be very clear once she's reaped. | |
| | | SilverBell Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 3309 Join date : 2012-08-29 Age : 23 Location : A room in a house in a city in a county in a state in a country in a continent in a planet in a solar system in a galaxy in a universe
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:08 pm | |
| Actually, Flower, she kind of went from past to present. "I woke up...I realized...I slid" etc changed to "I go... I am... I'm expecting" But otherwise, I can't wait for more! | |
| | | flower Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7482 Join date : 2012-12-20 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:09 pm | |
| - Otsukimi Recital wrote:
- Actually, Flower, she kind of went from past to present. "I woke up...I realized...I slid" etc changed to "I go... I am... I'm expecting" But otherwise, I can't wait for more!
Yes, but I've seen authors do that in several books, so it seems as if it's somewhat allowed in some cases. | |
| | | aimi Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4743 Join date : 2012-09-02 Age : 23 Location : pledis ent. building
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:10 pm | |
| Interesting. I like how you described the surrounds while grabbing my attention. Usually, descriptions about scenery usually makes me fall asleep, but you made me interested. Please write more! | |
| | | flower Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7482 Join date : 2012-12-20 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:15 pm | |
| ^ This.
I've literally read books that have five pages just DESCRIBING the main protagonist's surroundings. | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:19 pm | |
| @Everybody:
Well, thank you guys so much for being supportive! I'm writing the continuation right now. | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:00 pm | |
| Sorry about double-posting. I think this is allowed? Please don't give me an infraction if it's not.
--------------------------
I finished the first chapter. I think its a bit too long? You may critique and rate it out of 10. | |
| | | Squirtle Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8791 Join date : 2011-12-04 Age : 22 Location : Somewhere
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:22 pm | |
| I like how much detail it has, it gives me a perfect visual of what the characters are doing, the setting, etc. 9/10, good job! | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:05 pm | |
| - Yuzuki Yukari wrote:
- I like how much detail it has, it gives me a perfect visual of what the characters are doing, the setting, etc. 9/10, good job!
Thank you very much! Anybody else wants to give their opinion or some kind of critique? | |
| | | flower Hero Fantagian
Posts : 7482 Join date : 2012-12-20 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:08 pm | |
| REALLY good and detailed, but you switched from past-tense to present-tense a few quick times. | |
| | | Flynn Legendary Fantagian
Posts : 12278 Join date : 2012-01-14 Age : 25 Location : The gallows
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:46 pm | |
| You have a good writing style. It's very interesting. However, unless your character is from a district like 1, 2 or 4 she is unlikely to have access to luxuries like makeup and hair dye. Those are almost exclusively for the Capitol. | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:58 pm | |
| - Jeff wrote:
- You have a good writing style. It's very interesting. However, unless your character is from a district like 1, 2 or 4 she is unlikely to have access to luxuries like makeup and hair dye. Those are almost exclusively for the Capitol.
I am not very sure about what district she should be from, I want it to be a wealthy district but I do not want her to be a career. I'll figure something out. | |
| | | Flynn Legendary Fantagian
Posts : 12278 Join date : 2012-01-14 Age : 25 Location : The gallows
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Tue Jul 02, 2013 7:15 am | |
| - Symphony~. wrote:
- Jeff wrote:
- You have a good writing style. It's very interesting. However, unless your character is from a district like 1, 2 or 4 she is unlikely to have access to luxuries like makeup and hair dye. Those are almost exclusively for the Capitol.
I am not very sure about what district she should be from, I want it to be a wealthy district but I do not want her to be a career. I'll figure something out. Just because your character is from a career district doesn't necessarily mean her strategy is to join the pack. In the 74th Hunger Games, the boy from District 4 was - Don't click if you haven't read the hunger games:
killed by Cato in the Bloodbath
which probably means he either didn't want to join up with the others or the others wouldn't let him in. What I mean is, districts don't really matter much in terms of strategy. The careers just have a higher chance of winning due to their advantage in physical strength, and I'm assuming that you created this fanfic with the intent of your character winning. In the case that you didn't, Bravo! I've always wanted to see an HG fanfic where the author was willing to let their character die. | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Tue Jul 02, 2013 5:28 pm | |
| - Jeff wrote:
- Symphony~. wrote:
- Jeff wrote:
- You have a good writing style. It's very interesting. However, unless your character is from a district like 1, 2 or 4 she is unlikely to have access to luxuries like makeup and hair dye. Those are almost exclusively for the Capitol.
I am not very sure about what district she should be from, I want it to be a wealthy district but I do not want her to be a career. I'll figure something out. Just because your character is from a career district doesn't necessarily mean her strategy is to join the pack. In the 74th Hunger Games, the boy from District 4 was - Don't click if you haven't read the hunger games:
killed by Cato in the Bloodbath which probably means he either didn't want to join up with the others or the others wouldn't let him in.
What I mean is, districts don't really matter much in terms of strategy. The careers just have a higher chance of winning due to their advantage in physical strength, and I'm assuming that you created this fanfic with the intent of your character winning. In the case that you didn't, Bravo! I've always wanted to see an HG fanfic where the author was willing to let their character die. I hope to include the feeling like in the real book. I want it to be adventurous and thrilling, yet tragic in a few ways. It would be a very radical decision to let my character go. I might though, but I want to get the emotional part from other sources (characters) Wow, there should really be a HG discussion topic. | |
| | | Primrose Ultimate Fantagian
Posts : 8311 Join date : 2011-08-27 Age : 21 Location : District 12
| Subject: Re: The 100th Hunger Games [[STORY]] Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:43 pm | |
| !UPDATE! I finished and edited Chapter 1 and added Chapter 2! I'll make an announcement every time I make a change. | |
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