Colorora
Senior Fantagian
Posts : 425
Join date : 2012-12-20
Age : 20
Location : the land of not telling you
 | Subject: Breakthrough ( my first story )  Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:29 pm | |
| - Some information :
This is the same plot as eartherexanipa break RP but focused on one person because I am horrible at coming up with ideas and that RP hasn't seemed to start. If you are infinte and not ok with me using this idea just tell me and I will delete this story
- Some information about the main character:
The main characters name is Xana ( pronounced zana ) she is a mermaid in a zoo that is 16 years old and because she is so young forced to do shows. She is very ignorant and sarcastic and can come across as a jerk sometimes but is a great person once you get to know her because of this he does not have many friends. She has fiery red hair and vibrant green eyes her tail is half blue half purple and she usually has a blue headband in her hair.
Chapter 1 Xana was frightened, this was one if the hardest shows she had ever done, her mom wasn't there to comfort her and there were thousands of people out there and she just couldn't handle it. As she swam out into the biggest arena she had ever seen and started to do so many backflips she got dizzy. She continued her routine until she got to the finale, she tried, she really did try to do the move but she just couldn't bring her self to do it as she disappeared into the curtains to cry she saw what was amazing, but petrified her something she just couldn't bring herself to belief even when it was standing right in front of her, a human. | |
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Lord Voldemort
Veteran Fantagian
Posts : 4705
Join date : 2012-08-28
Age : 25
Location : The dark kingdom and it's shadows.
| | Subject: Re: Breakthrough ( my first story ) Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:47 pm | |
| This is interesting, just a bit more explaining would be better. Don't hop from one thing to another, take some time to create a scene and give the reader some information and a mood before telling the full story. - Example:
Xana looked out at the crowd, there were so many people there anxious, waiting for her to get on with her routine. She wiggled her tail in fear. This was one of the biggest shows she ever performed in, not to mention the moves her trainer choreographed for her were really hard, she'd never wanted this. Her mother wasn't there to comfort her, (this is where you can put where she was taken away from the ocean and put in the zoo, separated from her family). She heard the sound of the horn, alerting her that it was time to start. Xana took a deep breath and started with the routine.. etc. You get it.
If you try to let the reader feel what the character is feeling, and give them a little backstory so they can relate, then it will cause a bigger impact. Sorry if I couldn't deliver though, I'm not that great with story writing. | |
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Colorora
Senior Fantagian
Posts : 425
Join date : 2012-12-20
Age : 20
Location : the land of not telling you
| | Subject: Re: Breakthrough ( my first story ) Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:30 pm | |
| Thanks I will take this advice into account! | |
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| | Subject: Re: Breakthrough ( my first story ) | |
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