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 ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!

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Oliver
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PostSubject: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:16 pm

hey my adoring fans i really wanted to keep this story going cheers
here is chapter 1 incase you havent read it....

"samantha." nathaniel said
"what" she responded, it was quiet, like a leaf
"...i think im a ginger" samantha started to cry
"how are oyu gonna tell our parents"
"i wont"
then he moved out and had a girlfirned and because successful
just some advice Wink

there it is very good Smile now lets put the second chapter

"listen natehaniel" the girlfriend said, her eyes were cold like whispers
"what!!"
"im ..... i want to marry you"
nathaniel used a memory eraser on girlfriend
"girlfirned will you marry me?" nathaniel said
"yes" she said
and they got married even though he was a ginger
just some advice Wink

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Rebel Kouha
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:18 pm

Oliver, this is beautiful. You should become an author one day.. PLS CONTINUE IT.
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:18 pm

That's awesome Very Happy
But you need to learn how to make things make a little more sense. Make the story gradual, not just say he took her memory.
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Primrose
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:24 pm

I don't understand why people its so good. I think its okay, I just don't get it.
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:29 pm

Andrea~ wrote:
I don't understand why people its so good. I think its okay, I just don't get it.

The concept is good. No offense but the litatire isn't the best, it could use improvement but the concept is the best.
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:31 pm

thank you for the critik dark manor....
here is the third chapter

the honeymoon was arriving
"hey girlfirend" nathanaiel said
"what?" she asked quietly with whispersi n her eyes and ears and mouths
"i love you"
"me too"
he kissed her and her hair turned ginger, she laughed
"gingers" she said
"gingers" nathaniel replied
just some advice Wink

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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:33 pm

Haha Haha no problem! I lule the third chapter.
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Demonica Bishi
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:42 pm

wow... wat a story
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Relora
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:55 pm

I like that "...her eyes were cold like whispers..." that really caught my eye =3=


well done c:
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cupcakesrock
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Thu Sep 06, 2012 10:41 pm

Great story. Well I'll tell you still, your words need to be typed in correct and I don't undestand ehydo you put that phrase after everytime you make a new one. Needs improvement but great story.
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alex
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:22 am

im crying this makes me sad i love it pls continue

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tumblr / 내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요. ㅡㅅㅡ
thank u elliot for the pic of me n my gf♥
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IM MELODY'S HACKER!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Fri Sep 07, 2012 6:52 pm

oh my gawd
this is beautiful
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frost
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Fri Sep 07, 2012 6:55 pm

Gorgeoussss....Hilarious.
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Gymnastics 4 life
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Fri Sep 07, 2012 7:27 pm

very niceeee it's amazing c,:
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Usui
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:41 pm

Aha, I love this. xD
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:46 pm

I also love chapter 3, idk why, but it makes me sad. :c (good kinda sad c:)
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Mr.Noah
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Sun Sep 09, 2012 4:38 pm

I think its good.I don't get it though and the grammar is a little off so I don't understand but if you fixed it both it will be AWESOME! :] good story
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Flynn
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Mon Sep 10, 2012 6:21 am

Oliver wrote:
hey my adoring fans i really wanted to keep this story going cheers
here is chapter 1 incase you havent read it....

"samantha." nathaniel said
"what" she responded, it was quiet, like a leaf
"...i think im a ginger" samantha started to cry
"how are oyu gonna tell our parents"
"i wont"
then he moved out and had a girlfirned and because successful
just some advice Wink

there it is very good Smile now lets put the second chapter

"listen natehaniel" the girlfriend said, her eyes were cold like whispers
"what!!"
"im ..... i want to marry you"
nathaniel used a memory eraser on girlfriend
"girlfirned will you marry me?" nathaniel said
"yes" she said
and they got married even though he was a ginger
just some advice Wink


This is confusing....
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FruitCake
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Mon Sep 10, 2012 3:00 pm

My new favoriite story from oliver
it made me tear up Like a Star @ heaven
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o
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Mon Sep 10, 2012 5:53 pm

Smile Smile this is really good continue it
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Marina
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:46 am

I'm no expert at writing stories, but I think the grammar needs improvement. The spelling is good, sometimes there's a little bit of spelling mistakes.
But the story itself is still excellent. (:
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PostSubject: Re: ginger people my story by oliver.... THE NEXT CHAPTERª!!!!!   Today at 5:08 pm

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