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 ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story

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Bluerivers1
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PostSubject: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:53 pm

THIS IS NOT A TWILIGHT RIPOFF!!

Spoiler:
 

BB Keeper
Meat Storer

Report at 6:00 Pm EST. Human

I covered my mouth to conceal my gasp. I put the note in my pocket, hands trembling.

HUMAN? BB? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

It was 5:30 PM right now! I decided to go follow Alex secretly.
God, this would be great.

Chapter Two

I was halfway down the sidewalk when I realized that Alex was running in some bushes.

"Crap," I thought. "I won't be able to get through without being heard..."

I stepped around the bushes when I got there. Alex was halfway down the hill, running toward...Huber Bay.

Why was he THERE?

I started tiptoeing down. I finally caught up with Alex. He was jumping in some sort of rabbit hole, like, from Alice in Wonderland but it was different.

I hopped in.

I kept quiet all the way down, which was like, 10 feet. I landed with a thud, but I heard mine carts squeaking and saw one ready to take off. I hopped in. The tracks were nice and steady...nothing to scream over...

I finally creaked to a stop. A lantern-lit path was ahead of me.

I quietly ran through.

Then I saw it.


Last edited by Bluerivers on Thu Jun 17, 2010 11:51 am; edited 1 time in total
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Skai
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:00 pm

Oooo thats good Very Happy
What did she see?
MOARR >=D
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Bluerivers1
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:00 pm

Well youll see tomorrow.
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Bluerivers1
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:43 pm

Chapter Two

They saw me too.

"Who the heck is shee..." One sneered. Red eyes glowed, as fangs showed.

But he was a human.

Alex stood there. "Kris?" He hissed. He didn't look any different.

They sneered. I froze. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to run. I wanted to scream, but they were all sending fierce, hateful glares at me.

Alex stared in astonishment. It was clear he didn't expect me there. He hadn't.

"Alex..." My voice cracked as the wolflike things stared harder.

Finally I stepped back. I stepped back another time. And another time.

Then I turned. Then I ran.

I could hear them catching up to me, and I wanted to scream, but it would make the others alert, if there were any others, and they'd come after me. I wasn't sure where Alex was and I wasn't sure exactly how long I could outrun these things.

Finally I heard a growl, and screaming from the wolvey things. "Morrdorrr..mordurr...merrdurr...murder."

I felt something splatter on my back, but I didn't dare turn around. Something clawed my foot, but I just kept running. Their wails and shouts got fuzzier as I got back to where I'd fallen in.

I tried scraping up the hole, but I realized that there were little bars in the dirt "wall" and I used them to climb out. I ran as far as I could get, then collapsed in exhaustion.

I felt the wet spot on my back. I felt it with my hand, and then showed myself.

Black oil...

Then I started running again.
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FreedoM 4EVA
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 7:05 am

Whats comin next?
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pokeranger
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 9:52 am

Man!! I can't wait to hear more!!!
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Bluerivers1
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 11:27 am

Chapter Three

I ran home. I changed my shirt, and went back to my algebra.

Then I realized that my ankle was bleeding, so I went and got a band-aid.

While I was doing so, I heard faint growling. I put the band-aid on my wrist as the growling got closer. Then I went to the knife drawer.

Dessert knife? No. Butter knife? No. Steak knife? No.

Butcher's cleaver? Yes.

I was careful with the humongous blade as I walked outside.

I saw nothing.

"You will PAY!" I was tackled down by something. I started screaming, but then my arm was bitten and I was out cold.
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Makkine
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:22 pm

Niii-ce, suspence! I like my suspence, XD.
Um, all in all, you are a great author. You don't just describe what's happening, you actually get in character and describe the character's feelings, something people need to do more.

You have a lot of potential, and you can really manipulate the audience's expectations. The bad part? You don't.

I think you need to use the clich├ęs you seem to love and use them in order to add the element of surprise to suspence.
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Skai
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:26 pm

Ouuuch thats why you dont go outside when you hear something XD
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Bluerivers1
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 1:11 pm

Chapter Four

I awoke in some kind of cell. I didn't dare move, because I heard a lispy voice around me.

"She'th been athleep for thoo hours now," A lispy teenage boy, it sounded like, slurred.

"Leave her sleep," A deep, hollow voice said monotously. "When she wakes up, we'll find out if she's a Turtanian or not. Oh, and your front two fangs are coming in soon, right?"

I heard footsteps walking off, and the lispy boy saying, "Yeth! I thure hope tho."

I made sure it was safe to get up. I was dressed in a toga-like dress, and golden knee-high boots. My hair was wavy and in a mirror near the sink in the cell I could see they'd made my eyes smoky with golden powers and eyeliner.

I sighed. What was happening?

"LOOK! It's AWAKE!"

I turned to the halls, where tons of creatures were running toward me. "What? NO! NO I'M NOT!"

I screamed, as they all stopped at my cell. "What do you know about the Turtanians!?" One demanded. His machete looked recently red.

"N-nothing," I began to sob. "I don't know why I'm here!"

Someone pushed to the front of the crowd.

"It's okay." They said. It was a girl with a thick British accent. She looked like me, just blonde. "I dun't think that she'd hahm anywhun. She's confused, that's moast of it. Let heh go. She's a human guhl."

Everyone looked at her, then they unlocked the cell. They let me pass, as I walked, sobbing. The British chick then went up to me as I rounded a corner. I had no clue where I was going.

"You should take thees pahth," She directed. "Fohlloh me."

I followed her through campfires and firepits of creatures. They stared as I walked on, following Miss England.

Finally I got to the ending of the paths. "Thanks," I gratefully hugged her.

"No prublem," She replied, grinning. "Alex has said much about yoh beauty. And I know yoh not a Tuhtanian. They'ah much uglieh."

With that, she took off, and I climbed out of the hole and ran home.
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Oliver
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 1:45 pm

Gosh, thats a epic chapter. :DD

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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 3:58 pm

Awesomez!
I wantz moarz! :3

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Karen
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Sat Jun 19, 2010 4:35 pm

Aweshumnezz! ;D (Aweshumnezz ish MAI new word! no one shall stealz eet >.<)
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PostSubject: Re: ~The Worst Scenario~ A Vampire Story   Today at 12:47 am

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